Not suicidal but not meant for this world?

[itsbigbraintime]

I'm kind of just making this post to see if anyone else feels the same way I do right now. most of the time i wouldnt necessarily consider myself actively suicidal. in fact, according to some people, i'm doing okay in life, and achieving goals that i set out for myself. and during the day, when im distracted by whatever, i feel reasonably okay. but when im by myself, and i have nothing to distract myself, things take a turn for the worse, and i tell myself that i shouldnt be alive. at my best, i think life is inherently worthless anyway, and that 's not necessarily a bad thing. i mean, at the end of the day, if you can find a meaning to assign to your existence, that's pretty cool. but i wouldn't care if i just blinked out of existence. i really wouldnt. i know what my own personal triggers are for making my mental state worse, and i abuse it all the time. it's like, i'm not doing bad, but i actively want to be worse, so i just end it. life is hard. and confusing.

 

[pointblank]

Philosophically you're done with existence but not actively suicidal.

 

[webb&flow]

I'm kind of just making this post to see if anyone else feels the same way I do right now. most of the time i wouldnt necessarily consider myself actively suicidal. in fact, according to some people, i'm doing okay in life, and achieving goals that i set out for myself. and during the day, when im distracted by whatever, i feel reasonably okay. but when im by myself, and i have nothing to distract myself, things take a turn for the worse, and i tell myself that i shouldnt be alive. at my best, i think life is inherently worthless anyway, and that 's not necessarily a bad thing. i mean, at the end of the day, if you can find a meaning to assign to your existence, that's pretty cool. but i wouldn't care if i just blinked out of existence. i really wouldnt. i know what my own personal triggers are for making my mental state worse, and i abuse it all the time. it's like, i'm not doing bad, but i actively want to be worse, so i just end it. life is hard. and confusing.

Feel you on the falling back in my own space!! I agree with your philsophical view of life having no inherent meaning; and this not being so bad after all.

I think I feel you on this, friend

Best of luck--
Hunter