Venting not my time

[emptymiku]

i'm a monster born into this most beloved world.

i live by leeching off of others. i live wanting to save people, but failing. every single time.

i'm a disgusting object that's in love with someone that will never return my love to me. no matter how hard i try, they'll never witness me.

i'm not worth the effort it takes to keep me alive.

how selfish it is of me to refuse to free my loved ones from the burden of having known me?

thinking about what people will think of my inevitable death has become addicting.

if i can't save people in this life, maybe my death will save them.

that'll be the only time that something i do will be celebrated.

 

[Jadeith]

i'm a monster

Oh really? How come?

i live by leeching off of others

Everyone of us, here and in other place, require more or less support from other. You cant fail without trying and the very act of trying to help others disqualifies you as a leech

i'm not worth the effort it takes to keep me alive.

I mean, you trey or tried to help others, no? So i'd argue with that. Many people are in "good position" and won't lift a finger for others. Won't even think about it. So if i was to decide who's worth effort of keeping alive i'd go with people trying to save others (even if failing at that) rather than with those who sit ildly in their comfort zones.

how selfish it is of me to refuse to free my loved ones from the burden of having known me?

This "burden" wasn't placed on them by you and it is not your duty to remove it. Besides, i highly doubt it'sa burden at all.

thinking about what people will think of my inevitable death has become addicting.

I understand it is hard to imagine. I had a problem with it myself, for quite long period of time. Thing is - once dead, you won't give a fuck. You won't be able to.

if i can't save people in this life, maybe my death will save them.

Or cause them life long lasting emotional trauma.

that'll be the only time that something i do will be celebrated.

Strongly doubt it. Lack of celebrations of your current "achievements" doesn't mean that your absence will be celebrated in any way, shape or form. Even more - people who show indifference one way or another, tend to react most emotionally when faced with suicide in their circles. Speaking from experience.

 

[emptymiku]

Oh really? How come?

Everyone of us, here and in other place, require more or less support from other. You cant fail without trying and the very act of trying to help others disqualifies you as a leech

I mean, you trey or tried to help others, no? So i'd argue with that. Many people are in "good position" and won't lift a finger for others. Won't even think about it. So if i was to decide who's worth effort of keeping alive i'd go with people trying to save others (even if failing at that) rather than with those who sit ildly in their comfort zones.

This "burden" wasn't placed on them by you and it is not your duty to remove it. Besides, i highly doubt it'sa burden at all.


I understand it is hard to imagine. I had a problem with it myself, for quite long period of time. Thing is - once dead, you won't give a fuck. You won't be able to.

Or cause them life long lasting emotional trauma.

Strongly doubt it. Lack of celebrations of your current "achievements" doesn't mean that your absence will be celebrated in any way, shape or form. Even more - people who show indifference one way or another, tend to react most emotionally when faced with suicide in their circles. Speaking from experience.

:(