Venting No plans, just thoughts.

[Love Ash Love]

So… it's been a while since I've been here, and everything's just gotten worse. I attempted a little over a year ago (OD'd on Benadryl) and was let out of the hospital pretty quickly.
Never told 'em it was an attempt, but my mom found out, and she never really trusted me alone the same again. My brain's become even more of a jumbled up mess and college is so much harder now and I really just wish I could abandon reality for good. I just wanna be left alone in a room with some art stuff and my thoughts. No responsibility ever again. I'm an adult but I just feel like a little kid. So stupid and not in control of myself.
I can't try again because I don't want my sibling to be sad and, hell, it wouldn't even work anyways. Something always goes wrong to make sure I survive. But god I wish I could. I'm so afraid of everything I know and full of guilt for everything I've done. But I'm not allowed to leave. And trying will just fail and tighten the leash my mother has on me. I'm not expecting any replies, I'm just venting, I guess.

 

[InevitableDeath]

I just wanna be left alone in a room with some art stuff and my thoughts

So try to do that for a bit. Take a break. Christ, you've been through it.

You have to take a step back from these fucking massive issues, otherwise they will pull you down.

Its not selfish. Its self-preservation.

You have to have thinking time. Take it from an old guy. You have to carve out thinking time.