Story No one cares

[konstantine_217]

This is the first time I expose myself to someone. I've been pretending everything's fine for years now and it gets harder every day. I'm overwhelmed and the only thing that can end the pain is death. I can't do this anymore. Everything it's too hard and no one seems to notice me.

Also sorry for any grammatical mistakes

I've been alone all my life. I didn't have a single friend in high school and it's all my fault. I isolated myself from everyone and I lived those 4 years without any kind of social interaction (or at least no more than 2 words per interaction). I was suicidal since then but the only reason I didn't do it is because I have three siblings (I'm the oldest one). My parents don't give a f**k about me. They didn't asked once if I'm feeling alright or why I never leave my room. Not a single time. My parents divorced when I was 6 and since then I've been my mom's support until she found someone else. Sometimes I think she is a complete psychopath. The environment was very toxic and it didn't really helped my mental health.
I feel like a failure and like I don't belong in this world. I hate myself so much that sometimes I think I don't even deserve death.
However now I'm 19 and I live alone so I don't have to worry about my siblings. I finally went to a medical professional and I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I'm desperate and all I want is a peaceful death.

Thank you so much for reading this. Im glad I found this forum. It will be very useful. I still don't think I deserve attention or to be listened but I'm grateful you're here! Also feel free to critique me.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

This is the first time I expose myself to someone. I've been pretending everything's fine for years now and it gets harder every day. I'm overwhelmed and the only thing that can end the pain is death. I can't do this anymore. Everything it's too hard and no one seems to notice me.

Also sorry for any grammatical mistakes

I've been alone all my life. I didn't have a single friend in high school and it's all my fault. I isolated myself from everyone and I lived those 4 years without any kind of social interaction (or at least no more than 2 words per interaction). I was suicidal since then but the only reason I didn't do it is because I have three siblings (I'm the oldest one). My parents don't give a f**k about me. They didn't asked once if I'm feeling alright or why I never leave my room. Not a single time. My parents divorced when I was 6 and since then I've been my mom's support until she found someone else. Sometimes I think she is a complete psychopath. The environment was very toxic and it didn't really helped my mental health.
I feel like a failure and like I don't belong in this world. I hate myself so much that sometimes I think I don't even deserve death.
However now I'm 19 and I live alone so I don't have to worry about my siblings. I finally went to a medical professional and I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I'm desperate and all I want is a peaceful death.

Thank you so much for reading this. Im glad I found this forum. It will be very useful. I still don't think I deserve attention or to be listened but I'm grateful you're here! Also feel free to critique me.

I can relate to some of this all too well. My Mother was a narcissist who had absolutely no empathy for me whatsoever. I began suffering from clinical depression age 7 due to abuse and the fact that my Father left me and my evil Mother for another woman. I was always seen as the weird kid at school because I was so quiet and socially inept. I went through my entire school years without any friends and this carried on when I began working. If I had had good parents then maybe I would have been somewhat " normal " , yet the damage was done at an early age, even though I was not fully aware of it at the time. I have lived completely alone for most of my life and I will surely die alone because I honestly don't want this burden called life anymore.
You deserve to be listened to, as we all do here. It's not our fault that life has been so cruel to us.
So sorry you are going through this.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

This is the first time I expose myself to someone. I've been pretending everything's fine for years now and it gets harder every day. I'm overwhelmed and the only thing that can end the pain is death. I can't do this anymore. Everything it's too hard and no one seems to notice me.

Also sorry for any grammatical mistakes

I've been alone all my life. I didn't have a single friend in high school and it's all my fault. I isolated myself from everyone and I lived those 4 years without any kind of social interaction (or at least no more than 2 words per interaction). I was suicidal since then but the only reason I didn't do it is because I have three siblings (I'm the oldest one). My parents don't give a f**k about me. They didn't asked once if I'm feeling alright or why I never leave my room. Not a single time. My parents divorced when I was 6 and since then I've been my mom's support until she found someone else. Sometimes I think she is a complete psychopath. The environment was very toxic and it didn't really helped my mental health.
I feel like a failure and like I don't belong in this world. I hate myself so much that sometimes I think I don't even deserve death.
However now I'm 19 and I live alone so I don't have to worry about my siblings. I finally went to a medical professional and I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I'm desperate and all I want is a peaceful death.

Thank you so much for reading this. Im glad I found this forum. It will be very useful. I still don't think I deserve attention or to be listened but I'm grateful you're here! Also feel free to critique me.

Once we start trying to find support in others, we set ourselves up for failure. For humans are too unreliable to provide that consistency because they are so busy with their own demons.

The best way I think is to strengthen oneself. To build yourself an inner 'supporting cast' of characters that each help you navigate various obstacles and won't let you down.

The trouble is, that some of us find that self reliance tricky because it is so at odds with our human need for connection.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that most people are too self centred to care anyway, to me humans truly are the worst species especially as they create so much suffering and can be so unnecessarily cruel. But anyway it's really understandable just wishing to peacefully leave this existence, to me it would be such a relief if it's straightforward to just permanently escape from this existence in peace.

 

[dmdmdm]

I'm sorry to hear that. In case you wanna talk you can PM me. Since joining this site and talking to some people on here I've felt a bit better because I felt understood. Good luck to you!