New year's resolutions?

[BabyYoda]

This will be the first year I won't make any new year resolutions. They just usually dissolve down the drain and I have no motivation whatsoever to improve my life. I really feel like my life should be mostly spent on fandoms and school work. If I can be happy with just that, will it be a waste of my time?

I see many people are more privileged than I am. They get to travel, date, spend time with family and all those stuff. That is the definition, according to society, a meaningful life. I don't really have a lot of money compared to others my age so the only time I can travel is when our relatives invite us. I'm not good enough to be a good romantic partner so romance is eliminated for me. I don't really connect with my family in general. So far I have very little desire to improve my skills in the arts because I just don't know what path I should be going. Because of this I never win in contests or I'm not recognized as the artistic type.

Fuck what should I do. I want to CTB in a few years after I graduate but I'm not sure if I'll actually do it. If I decide not to, then it would be too late already to develop the necessary skills for the job I want. How the fuck am I supposed to get motivated when I already accept that I'm worthless? That I can't change anything? I'm hesitant to CTB because of upcoming anime/games/manga and I can't afford to miss out on the good stuff. At the same time I want to reduce the pain I'll feel because I can't handle much anymore due to severe mental illness during the past months. So what I'm thinking about is applying for a job that doesn't deal with many people, one on one is okay.....but most companies want people with high EQ uggggghhhhhhhhhhh. But without a job I can't sustain myself. I don't want to get attached to people anymore because I end up hurt. I'm even afraid to post this because of what people will say.

If I'm not worthy to others then I'm not worthy to myself either, because that also means I can't get a fucking job or something. It means I don't have privilege. If no one wants to date me then I'm trash hands down. I despise myself for falling for anyone other than a 2D character on a screen. Nobody wants a freak like me. Relationships are what I'll miss out on because I'm not good enough. First of all I dress well but I am ugly as fuck. Second every time I give time and attention to someone it is taken for granted. Third the nice ones are always taken by ATTRACTIVE people.

At the same time compliments don't work on me. Every time I hear someone say that I'm deserving of love I just say thank you but I don't really absorb it. Cause I assume it's just fake cheesy stuff we are programmed to give, nothing meaningful. I do not see why I SHOULD be loved or anything. I hate those pictures of quotes on social media telling you how worthy I am. Because what will be my worth if I'm no use to anybody.

So what is left for me. Fandoms of course. And the friends who I am still in touch with. Though I feel a bit distant to them except for one person. I have only one person I'm truly open with. Others I just feel blah but that doesn't make them less as friends. I just hate emotional attachment that's all. I wanna be chill.

 

[mediocre]

my new year's resolution is to die. I really wish I had the courage to do it tomorrow.

 

[TAW122]

Not a whole lot for me, other than just fulfilling personal goals, coping until I run out, and strive to be financially independent. Failing that, I suppose I would CTB in 2020, all dependent on how things play out. I am not really impulsive as I have already had my mind made up on CTB'ing, it is just a matter of time and circumstance combined.

 

[enjoy]

i'd like to start working out again. i miss running. i find myself craving it various times throughout the day. also, if my appeal is successful and my college lets me back in, i'm going to work harder academically, too. either way, i'm going to be dead by june 1st. does that additionally count as a resolution?

 

[Sensei]

I see many people are more privileged than I am. They get to travel, date, spend time with family and all those stuff. That is the definition, according to society, a meaningful life. I don't really have a lot of money compared to others my age so the only time I can travel is when our relatives invite us.

The trick is of course to stop comparing yourself to other people. This is admittedly very difficult and I haven't mastered this myself yet. However, I know people who live much worse lives than I do and they don't give a millionth of a f**k how they compare to other people. I envy them. I'm sure that when I've mastered this myself, my life won't be just as bad anymore.

I'm not good enough to be a good romantic partner so romance is eliminated for me. I don't really connect with my family in general.

How can you know this?

 

[MysticPerception]

So what I'm thinking about is applying for a job that doesn't deal with many people, one on one is okay....

I can attest to overnight jobs being very dead and have little to no interaction if you get lucky. It's not a surefire thing but it's a start if you really want a job with little interaction that also requires little experience you could shoot for something super easy like working at a gas station overnight. Also you seriously aren't worthless. Truly worthless people are the ones that abuse others and actively go out of their way to hurt other people.

As for new years resolution I don't really have any. I never bother to make any because it always seemed like a pointless endeavor to me. I would rather set regular life goals that I think I can achieve eventually instead of something like a new years resolution since I'll just put myself in the mindset that if I don't achieve my goal fast enough it feels like I took too long and I failed.

 

[1DayItWillBover]

dont really have any goals

 

[BabyYoda]

How can you know this?

Because I'm the type of person who has friends but isn't popular and I'm not exactly attractive so people tend to look at me as the last choice

 

[Mizzmini45]

Get to 115 pounds(I know I know a girls dream)
Get back into running and paddle boarding
Die by the end of the year(I've been researching and planning waiting for my time. It needs to be calculated. No impulse. No more attempts after this. It has to be so well planned the odds of it working have to be on my side )
Unselfish Love(gave up on that- I can't believe it was a time I thought it existed)

 

[Shero]

Trying to leave people in good terms, even those i despise and brought me misery. If i can stop the chain, its a win for me.

 

[Rosiel]

I never really do new year's resolution but this year I have decided that if I keep on not getting a bit of luck on my side, I am definitely going to CTB. I came here originally for Yew (I live in England and Yew trees and hedges are abundant) and I know January is the best time for it, but recently found out about SN. It gives me a feeling of peace and a strange renewed motivation to try to get myself to financial independence and out of debt.

 

[Moonicide]

My goal is to ctb by this month, that's the only resolution I have.