Discussion New to having support for ctb

[beloved]

It is fascinating to read the supportive posts and info. I got SN and don't have a clear time or plan. Can't afford zofran or anything so it is what it is. Tried calling a hotline. Reached out to people. Wrote a letter. Really hesitant to go voluntarily to the hospital at this time. Just want to go fucking peacefully, in gratefulness of my agency to do so. But fucking life is just crashing down on me and I'm so tempted to ctb with spiteful ness in my heart. I feel like so many other deaths have taught me that ctb is not appropriate as some kind of retributive act. It never works. The sociopaths it is meant to punish don't ever get woke. I don't want to go that way but today Im struggling. I just want off the ride.

 

[Deathbydemo]

How did you find calling the hotline? Did it help?

 

[beloved]

How did you find calling the hotline? Did it help?

It calmed me down a bit and of course it felt good to vent. But when you have lots of therapy in your past, it just becomes clear how much of a song and dance everything is.

 

[ladolcemorte]

It is true. The sociopaths never do get "woke"!

I agree about hotlines. They are following a script. "What is keeping you alive right now", "can you keep yourself safe during this call". Some volunteers are more skilled than others, but it all sounds the same after awhile...

I feel similar to you. I dont quite have everything in order to CTB yet, but I just feel this overwhelming anguish and nothing assuages it. I had been escaping my life by watching tv shows, but now I can't even follow the story lines anymore.