I'm new here, I watched the callie documentary and it mentioned a forum she was using, after about 30 seconds of googling I found you. Anyway I'm 37 diagnosed with bpd, depression and autism. I'm getting no help, I have a care coordinator but she is rubbish she keeps saying there is nothing wrong with me, everytime I end up sectioned she gets me discharged by telling them there is nothing wrong, I've been arrested a few times and everytime the police say I need to see the mental health nurse then they talk to my care coordinator and she says theres nothing wrong so I never get to speak to the mental health nurse. She has made me so angry that she blocks any help offered to me that I want to kill her, i told my gp this but instead of helping me she phoned the police on me and I got arrested again for threats to kill, I've been released under investigation. I feel like there is no option but to kill myself, no one will help me, no one listens, no one cares. I have overwhelming intrusive thoughts to harm myself and others but I know harming others will put me in prison for sure so I suppose I can only harm myself. I want to shoot myself but I have no idea how to get hold of a gun in the uk. I'm so tired of having to beg for help and been told there is nothing wrong, how can feeling like this be normal. I dont fit in this world.
BearNoMore
Polar Bear, ready for the ice to melt
- Feb 9, 2020
- 39
I too suffer from BPD and depression. I understood you feel disillusioned and pushed away by the system. It is hard to find hope when it feels like the resources and tools aren't there for you. We only wish you well in your journey whether you decide to try to seek treatment and build back or CTB.
That said, you should not harm others even if you are hurting inside. It will not fix that pain or right any wrongs. I have to make it clear that it will not bring you peace and will likely only make you feel worse. Please resist that urge at all costs.
That said, you should not harm others even if you are hurting inside. It will not fix that pain or right any wrongs. I have to make it clear that it will not bring you peace and will likely only make you feel worse. Please resist that urge at all costs.
Welcome, I'm sorry about all the suffering you've gone through. Have you thought about reporting the care coordinator? You should be able to get help.
I'm trying really hard to resist the urge. I've made a gp appointment in one last ditch attempt to get some help
Theres no point reporting her no one listens. I've made complaints before about health care professionals and they all just stick together and deny everything
MsMaudlin
This is the fierce last stand of all I am
- Dec 8, 2019
- 875
Hello, welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry about how you get treated by your care coordinator, I can totally understand how frustrated you get with her.
Lots of reading to do on here, ask lots of questions too.
Love and peace ❤
I do care and I'll listen to you, despite the distance. If you willing to talk just let me know.
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
This thread is very troubling. OP said in post 4 that s/he is resisting the urge to harm others.
The first post says a search of Callie easily led to SS. OP shares Callie's diagnosis, and has admitted not only suicidal ideation, but arrest for making threatening statements to kill a mental health practitioner.
@Marquis just posted 30 min ago that Samaritans publicly stated they intend to bury SS:
OP may be genuine, may be unknowingly manipulated, or may be a shill. I remind fellow members that there are organizations that do covert operations. Harvey Weinstein hired one to intimidate and silence some of his victims.
We on SS are caring people who want to help others, and this thread seems at first glance to be a cry for help. I caution members who love dogs to be aware of sobbing strangers telling stories about lost puppies, and pay attention to the full surroundings. Is there a windowless van? Are there people on the periphery observing? Are those fake tears?
If the OP is an unwitting pawn and is manipulated to harm others, this thread would provide evidence to support stated desires to shut down SS. If that's true, I care about the OP but have no ability to save him/her. My focus has to be on my own safety, and the forum that supports that for me.
The first post says a search of Callie easily led to SS. OP shares Callie's diagnosis, and has admitted not only suicidal ideation, but arrest for making threatening statements to kill a mental health practitioner.
@Marquis just posted 30 min ago that Samaritans publicly stated they intend to bury SS:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...l-capacity-on-this-website.31864/#post-586162
OP may be genuine, may be unknowingly manipulated, or may be a shill. I remind fellow members that there are organizations that do covert operations. Harvey Weinstein hired one to intimidate and silence some of his victims.
We on SS are caring people who want to help others, and this thread seems at first glance to be a cry for help. I caution members who love dogs to be aware of sobbing strangers telling stories about lost puppies, and pay attention to the full surroundings. Is there a windowless van? Are there people on the periphery observing? Are those fake tears?
If the OP is an unwitting pawn and is manipulated to harm others, this thread would provide evidence to support stated desires to shut down SS. If that's true, I care about the OP but have no ability to save him/her. My focus has to be on my own safety, and the forum that supports that for me.
I'm genuin dont be so paranoid. I thought this site might help me but it doesnt seem that way
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
Yeah thought the same but didn't want to be inconsiderate. Earlier today there was a similar post from a girl who said she wanted to jump at that famous cliff in the UK and later atmitted to being only seventeen (was she banned because of this?); we should expect pro life groups and the media to try to infiltrate the forum with fake posts in the near future.
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I'm genuinely looking for help but it doesnt look like I'll get it here. You all seem very paranoid. I cant help how I feel and I cant help we share the same diagnosis. I need help not accusing
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
I am fine as I am thank you, and define my own emotions and motivations.
Your response to me employs at least three techniques to control and manipulate.
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/
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You're really not helping my mental health. You have zero proof I'm working for a covert operation. I really need help and you are speaking to me like this and accusing me so bloody nasty. I wish I never watched that documentary and I wish I never found this site
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
As I said, that's why I didn't bring it up. I'm sorry if you felt invalidated by my post; the paranoia has good reasons right now, you might read up on the stickied posts of the last few days about the BBC documentary.
That being said, the members here are usually very compassionate and caring and they will listen to what you have to say, take you seriously and try to help you as much as possible.
None here will judge you, not even for thoughts about killing someone else. Many people have intrusive thoughts and there is nothing morally wrong with you for having them.
GoodPersonEffed
Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
- Jan 11, 2020
- 6,727
I do not exist to help your mental health.
I do not define myself by your definitions of me.
You are fully empowered to leave if you regret your decision to engage on this forum. I do not demand that you do. I have in no way sought to control you.
Suicide_vampire
In Vino Veritas
- Feb 11, 2020
- 426
Hey, I read your post can I ask, why your care coordinator has so much control over your treatment. Are you on some kind of order, its just I would never accept that sort of treatment.
Soul
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
- Apr 12, 2019
- 4,704
@Cleversusie, I'm sorry you're struggling to find the help you deserve.
That documentary has people here a bit on edge because of the stated desire to close or "bury" this forum; normally people here are very wecoming and compassionate. Can you tell us more about how we might be able to help you?
(((Hug)))
That documentary has people here a bit on edge because of the stated desire to close or "bury" this forum; normally people here are very wecoming and compassionate. Can you tell us more about how we might be able to help you?
(((Hug)))
a.n.kirillov
velle non discitur
- Nov 17, 2019
- 1,831
Do you still have family or a friend/ friends? You're not alone in feeling isolated, in fact, this very forum is filled with people who are isolated and alienated because they feel the way they do. I'm sure you will find a lot of people here to talk about the things you've mentioned, BPD, autism and so on.
I dont know ive been wondering the same, I dont understand why they listen to her so much. I went to the gp today to ask for different anti depressants as they prescribe them for me and he said that there is lots of meetings going on about me, I'm hoping they decide to give me a different care coordinator.
Suicide_vampire
In Vino Veritas
- Feb 11, 2020
- 426
You said you are 37 right? Do you live independently? Because if there are meetings happening you should be attending them.
That other person isnt been very welcoming he/she is accusing me of all sorts that's not very welcoming it's really upsetting and I'm already on edge. I need help controlling my intrusive thoughts I dont know how to do it they overwhelm me and I feel like I cant control them
Yeah I live with my son, I dont know when or where the meetings are, I spoke to a different care coordinator on the phone today about my melatonin and I asked her about the meetings and police etc but she wouldn't tell me anything
I feel.like I'm been attacked and accused by the other person. No I dont have any friends and my mum had a stroke and she cant talk now so I've no one cause i don't like to worry my son
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Suicide_vampire
In Vino Veritas
- Feb 11, 2020
- 426
You're in the UK? I just find this all a bit strange that you are being able to play a part in your treatment, are you on some kind of supervision order through social Work?
Hi, I'm in the uk too. The system is miserably shit isn't it? I totally get you. I'm bpd diagnosed too and I truly believe mental health services breathe a sigh of relief when we ctb.. we aren't causing them hassle anymore. I told my psychiatrist that last time. They don't give a fuck! It's actually a joke. You are right getting a gun in the uk is pretty much not an option and not really worth the hassle as it's far from a perfect method anyway.
Sending you a hug x
It's a terrible system so uncaring it's actually left me feeling like I have no option but to ctb. I know itll be impossible for me to get a gun it's just my brothers friend shot himself when he was 21 and did a good job of it so always felt if it worked for him it could work for me
Suicide_vampire
In Vino Veritas
- Feb 11, 2020
- 426
You are a new member today, and tomorrow you'll just be a member of a community that can be there to support you. Never make decisions on built up emotion before you do anything you need to exhaust your options with the health service as poor as it is.
Just keep posting and chatting here, make some connections I only joined yesterday and already feel I have found a community that I have needed for years.
Just keep posting and chatting here, make some connections I only joined yesterday and already feel I have found a community that I have needed for years.
I hope you're right cause right now I dont feel like I belong anywhere. My anxiety is through the roof cause I'm worried the police are going to turn up and re arrest me cause they've probably done their investigation by now and people accusing me of stuff on here is making me feel worse. I hope tomorrow is a better day
Suicide_vampire
In Vino Veritas
- Feb 11, 2020
- 426
Just get through today... Don't think of what might be happening. Concentrate on what is happening. You have a safe space now to chat and there's always someone here online, that you can just chat to about random stuff also. How old is your son if you don't mind me asking?
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