Venting Never felt loved

[luna674]

I've never felt loved my whole life.not from family not from anyone.ive been used like of o was nothing like if i had no worth.ive never felt like I mattered.I never felt like i belonged anywhere.i was coerced and used.i have even more trauma now.all for someone that never even bothered to have a conversation with me.or take me on a date.it was the only time i did it.im hurt.and i did it cause i just didn't feel like i mattered and i was going to kill myslef anyway.i didn't want to go to there house.they used their body wait against me.the taste was awful i didn't know that was gonna happen.i was so stupid.i thought someone could love me.i thought someone could care about me.and i kept on going back cause i didn't want to feel like a hookup.i wanted love connection anything just anything.and got nothing but trauma.cant smell weed it makes me sick.please i just wanna kill myself i just want to kill myself i just want to kill myslef please i want to die.im in so much pain i cant do this shit.every fucking day is like this I want death.im a leech who lives of her mother I can't go outside because I hate myself and just want to hide.i can't sleep thinking about my shitty life

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Just know that you deserve to be loved and cared about like any person does. And you don't deserve to die because of such unfair and horrible circumstances. I hope you find peace.

 

[Supplicium]

I don't think you're a bad person at all, and I don't think things are hopeless for you. It really sounds more like you're being extremely hard on yourself right now, and you don't need to stay in that state of mind. Even if it doesn't feel clear right now, when someone is in that state it can become very difficult to see things objectively, and everything can start to feel heavier or more final than it really is.
What helped me in similar moments was slowly getting some distance from those thoughts. Over time, that created more space to breathe and for things to gradually shift. But I don't expect you to agree with everything, I'd just like to understand you better.


1) What has been weighing on you the most lately?

2) When you start feeling this way about yourself, what usually triggers it?

3) Is there anything, even small, that would help you feel a bit more supported right now?

4) Do you like animals at all? I know this might sound random, but sometimes having something alive to care for can help people feel a bit less alone.

5) And is there someone in your life you feel even slightly comfortable talking to when things get like this? Who comes to mind first?


You don't have to answer everything.
Just whatever feels okay.

I also want to be honest that your message did affect me emotionally, because it reminded me of someone I care about. I just hope you're not staying alone too much right now. Do you have any hobbies or things you like to do, even small ones?

 

[MrHappyFace]

I'm sorry to hear about that... I've recently been researching the effects of anger on mental health and have come to the conclusion that it can generally lead to a person's cognitive and emotional qualities being damaged or becoming harmful to a person's life and their ability to manage it. Here's an analysis provided by Google:

Hatred acts as a chronic stressor that damages mental health by fostering depression, anxiety, and paranoia, while triggering intense "fight or flight" responses. It consumes significant emotional energy, leading to exhaustion, cognitive fatigue, and diminished empathy, often isolating the hater and creating toxic, long-lasting mental cycles. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Key Impacts of Hatred on Mental Health:
Emotional & Mental Disorders: Prolonged hatred is closely linked to depression, anxiety disorders, and symptoms of PTSD.
Cognitive and Behavioral Changes: It promotes obsessive thinking, paranoia, and a constant need to predict a target's actions, which drains cognitive energy and triggers constant mental agitation.
Relationship and Social Strain: Hatred hinders the ability to connect with others, resulting in strained personal relationships and potential conflict in work environments.
Physical Stress Affecting Mental Wellbeing: Hatred increases the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which contribute to insomnia, weight gain, and chronic inflammation, further exacerbating mental health issues.
Self-Hatred Consequences: Directed inwardly, hatred results in low self-worth, deep shame, and potential suicidal ideation. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7]

I hope this will be of benefit and strength to you in your fight against your inner and outer demons.

Edit:// This may also be beneficial to you in your recovery:

Kindness is a fundamental virtue, defined by friendly, generous, and considerate behavior that stems from compassion rather than expectation of reward. It strengthens mental health, builds positive relationships, and is considered an inherent human trait that benefits both the giver and receiver. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
Key Aspects of Kindness as a Virtue:
Active Compassion: Kindness is not just a feeling, but an active,, consistent disposition toward doing good and helping others, often described as a "fruit of the spirit" or a moral excellence.
Impact on Society: It fosters community, breaks down barriers, and creates a ripple effect of positivity.
True Selflessness: It is most powerful when offered without expecting anything in return,, emphasizing genuine care for the recipient's well-being.
Distinction from "Niceness": While being "nice" can be polite, true kindness often requires courage and deeper moral intention. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]
Examples of Acts of Kindness:
Small Gestures: Smiling, offering encouragement, or holding a door for someone.
Active Support: Volunteering time, listening to others' problems, and helping friends with tasks.
Generosity: Sharing resources and helping those in need. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
Kindness is described as a "sunshine in which virtue grows," reflecting a high moral standard that can uplift humanity.

Being kind to yourself, or self-compassion, involves treating yourself with the same care and understanding you offer a friend, rather than harsh self-criticism. It consists of self-kindness, acknowledging shared human imperfection (common humanity), and mindfulness, which improves mental health, reduces anxiety, and boosts resilience during difficult times. [1, 2, 3, 4]
Key Ways to Practice Self-Kindness:
Watch Your Words: Monitor your inner dialogue and replace negative self-talk (e.g., "I'm such an idiot") with encouraging, warm, and supportive language.
Use the "Friend" Test: When facing failure or inadequacy, ask, "What would I tell a friend in this situation?" and apply that same compassion to yourself.
Practice Mindfulness: Observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, allowing them to pass rather than over-identifying with them.
Prioritize Self-Care: Engage in activities that replenish your energy, such as taking breaks, rest, yoga, or "me-time" to unplug.
Acknowledge Humanity: Recognize that making mistakes, having flaws, and experiencing struggle is a shared human experience, not an isolated failure.
Practice Gratitude: Acknowledge your accomplishments and strengths daily, no matter how small they may seem. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7]
Self-compassion does not mean neglecting responsibility; rather, it means meeting those responsibilities with kindness. It helps increase motivation and allows you to bounce back faster from failures.

 

[here_for_now]

I've never felt loved my whole life.not from family not from anyone.ive been used like of o was nothing like if i had no worth.ive never felt like I mattered.I never felt like i belonged anywhere.i was coerced and used.i have even more trauma now.all for someone that never even bothered to have a conversation with me.or take me on a date.it was the only time i did it.im hurt.and i did it cause i just didn't feel like i mattered and i was going to kill myslef anyway.i didn't want to go to there house.they used their body wait against me.the taste was awful i didn't know that was gonna happen.i was so stupid.i thought someone could love me.i thought someone could care about me.and i kept on going back cause i didn't want to feel like a hookup.i wanted love connection anything just anything.and got nothing but trauma.cant smell weed it makes me sick.please i just wanna kill myself i just want to kill myself i just want to kill myslef please i want to die.im in so much pain i cant do this shit.every fucking day is like this I want death.im a leech who lives of her mother I can't go outside because I hate myself and just want to hide.i can't sleep thinking about my shitty life

Your enough just the way you are and your a beautiful soul who deserves the best.

I know how you feel my sister molested me for a couple of years and the entire family protects her, I'm just a crazy liar in their eyes.

Same thing, I've also never felt loved, and i realized something interesting, why fucking try to make friends and romance?

I've tried so fkn hard but I'm the only one messaging first and the energy always feel dead and as soon as I stop lighting to social fire and I'm not good enough to msg back.

So I'm giving up, why make friends or romance if nobody cares or wants me. I feel so unwanted, I have so much discord contacts yet nobody ever msgs me first it's always me checking on them

If I'm lucky one guy will ask after weeks or months if I'm dead that's it.
I literally been on this forum very often over 1.5 years and I haven't made any friends that talk to me often. I'm always alone, even when I make posts about my life maybe it gets some replies but then it's dark.

Even when I tried to go to the chat room same fkn thing. I realized that I'm better off committing suicide and isolating before then.