treestumpisland
Member
- Jul 6, 2024
- 32
Ugh, i hope i don't rant/vent too much/make a word salad, i'll try to keep it legible. But does anyone know how to, i guess, not listen to others? I know everyone says "ignore them, don't listen to what they say, they don't know what they're talking baout", etc, but it sticks to me so damn hard, especially when coming from people in positions i "have" to listen to, or they take on the role believing i "have" to listen to them. When people get authoritative. I hate that about me so much and envy naturally rebellious people who can ignore things like that. But my "mom" is worse than a cult leader, at this point, i'm over 30 and she's lecturing me and controlling about life and the narritive of the outside world, what is and isn't important in life, saying that i shouldn't want to have sex with anyone, alot of people don't and i need to learn to be that way for her, and insists she's not controlling, that i should want to be friends with people she insists i should be and will argue with me for literal years when i don't like them or want anything to do with them "what's wrong? they're a nice person, you have no reason to not want to be friends with this 70+ year old i like". i'm not kidding/exaggerating, she's still arguing with me over people from actual years ago that i didn't want or like in my life, she's still pushing them down my throat. funny thing is, all these people she pushes on me don't even know i exist and would probably be weirded out if they heard how obsessive and weird she's being, pushing me to want to be friends with them. but she insists she's normal and i need to be in therapy the rest of my life to live the life she expects of me, which is never having sex with anyone because she's a loser who no one wants to be with, to be friends with whom she approves, sabotages me being friends with anyone i choose/want on my own, will put them down and threatens to get rid of my internet so i can't talk to them anymore. and she has the nerve to insist she is NOT controlling. i'm so angry, i can't wrap my head around this, and she's so domineering, that she's willing to go to extreme lengths to try to force me to listen to her/live how she thinks i should and will NOT let me go. she insistws i need disability(because she wants the money and said if i got disability and didn't give her the money that's supposed to be for ME, she would make me homeless because SHE needs/wants that money, i have no need for any money), and they didn't approve me because i'm NOT disabled, i passed the cognitive, etc test, and she's angry because she believes i am disabled, despite EVERY therapist saying absolutely not, a lawyer i spoke with saying absolutely not, even the disability people saying i'm not, but in her head, it's a fact that i am and she threatens to kick me out and make me homeless if i don't agree with her or accept her reality. i am so angry i have to miss out on an entire world and different places all because of her, she's worse than an actual cult leader keeping me on a compund, manipulating me to stay here, the emotional/mental pull is so strong, and i have nothing, i can't just up and go, i can't believe i have to end my life in order to do away with her when i want to be around people i meet on the internet, there are people out there i really like, where the social norms and people are more my type, i can only be around them on the internet, but she insists this state is where i belong. every therapist says they can't help, that i can only get better by getting away from her and out of this place to be around people i like, not triggered by every square inch of the house day in day out and by her. but nope, she won't listen, she keeps pushing me against my will to mental health professionals who all say the same thing, friends are important, it's normal that not being around others is hurting me, she's wrong for insisting she be the only one in my life, i won't get any better while being here, but she says they're all wrong and pushes me to find other "help" that doesn't exist, only in her head. i have to miss out on a world and end it because of this bitch and her beliefs, it makes me so goddamn angry, i'm over 30 and she's lecturing me against my will about "life" when she's a loser shut-in and doesn't know anything about anything, and when i tell her to stop, she threatens to make me homeless because she doesn't liek that i don't submit to her Infinite, Godly Wisdom. how can i not let her infiltrate my brain and feel obligated to "listen" and "obey" her and ignore her insistances on what I "need" "want" "should" "shouldn't" etc, that she insists on based on her ass as her only resource and the few other narcissists or idiots she surrounds herself with whom enable her abuse of me. i feel as stuck as in a cult, and she's not likeable enough to be a cult leader, she's just raised me in her dysfunction, she'd never be able to get ANYONE else into an actual cult, she's so unlikable, except by insufferable, out of touch boomers.
