I have decided today will be my last day. Tomorrow morning I'll get a hotel room and take my SN in about 21-22hrs from now. To be honest it's been a while since I stopped living. I feel like I've already died a couple years ago, this is just a formality to make my death official so people can put me in the ground and "mourn me" or whatever...get on with their lives. I've already mourned my life, the life I've lived, the life that could have been and so much more...and no one is going to mourn my life more than i deed. It took me a good while to let go and reach this decision but I've gotten to the point of accepting and feel content in my decision. I wish I had it in me to wait till after the holidays to do this but I just don't have anymore fight left in me. I wanna be gone. I've wanted to be gone for so long now. Had it not been for this site I was already at my limit two years ago and somehow it's this site that's kept me around. I've met so many kind souls here that helped me in my darkest days some already gone and some still around. I want to thank everyone here that's made it bearable for me to hang around this long, chatting with me, interacting with my posts or even with just your own posts. It meant the world to me. RAS, Mods thank you for fighting the good fight for this site's existence and for all that you do to keep this place running while still dealing with your own struggles. Please deactivate my account if I don't return.
I will be following the basic stat dose with 1000mg paracetamol, 30mg meto and 25gm sn in 50ml water with a backup cup. I wish I had benzos right now, not to take the insane amount of the recommended dose but just to ease this anxiety I'm feeling. I guess It will have to do with what I've got. I'll keep updating till the last moment and someone is going to be with me via video call and they will find a way to update this thread on what happens. I ask y'all to be kind and respectful. I love you all so much and wish you the very best wherever your path leads you
I will be following the basic stat dose with 1000mg paracetamol, 30mg meto and 25gm sn in 50ml water with a backup cup. I wish I had benzos right now, not to take the insane amount of the recommended dose but just to ease this anxiety I'm feeling. I guess It will have to do with what I've got. I'll keep updating till the last moment and someone is going to be with me via video call and they will find a way to update this thread on what happens. I ask y'all to be kind and respectful. I love you all so much and wish you the very best wherever your path leads you
