Help My Suicide Video - should I watch it?

[JWL]

Broken Legs
Broken Ankles
Broken left Femur shaft
Broken left Femoral joint
Burst L2 unstable fracture of my Spine
L5 transverse unstable fracture
Complex unstable Pelvis fractures
Complex Sacral fractures leaving me with life changing nerve damage
Pneumothorax
Lacerated Spleen
Lacerated Stomach
Traumatic Pancreatitis

Otherwise OK?

 

[JWL]

I know I just don't know what to do.
Physically not good at all..spent 15 days on life support and have
Broken Legs
Broken Ankles
Broken left Femur shaft
Broken left Femoral joint
Burst L2 unstable fracture of my Spine
L5 transverse unstable fracture
Complex unstable Pelvis fractures
Complex Sacral fractures leaving me with life changing nerve damage
Pneumothorax
Lacerated Spleen
Lacerated Stomach
Traumatic Pancreatitis

Ctb Plan A: Nitrogen
Ctb Plan B: Bridge Jumping

 

[Amz_Falls]

Otherwise OK?

How do you mean?

 

[JWL]

How do you mean?

You liked it, but you didn't understand it??

How do you mean?

1:55, but don't skip the intro...

 

[First loss]

I mean. If you want to, then do it. I would watch it if I were you.

 

[AnnonyBox]

I don't think I would want to watch it. You're already in a vulnerable position, no sense in further messing yourself up, in this case emotionally, by wwtching it.

 

[bea1974]

Once you watch it you cannot unwatch it. However, for as long as you don't watch it you always retain the option to watch it. I would wait until some time has passed before deciding whether stopwatch it, personally.

Sending love and solidarity your way, either way.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Thank you that means a lot. I'm so sorry you are left in these circumstances. I've felt this way for so long too that I don't want to spend another day like it. I can't even explain how much I hurt inside.

How are you feeling today? Hope a little better if that's possible.
Sending hugs your way x

 

[Amz_Falls]

Once you watch it you cannot unwatch it. However, for as long as you don't watch it you always retain the option to watch it. I would wait until some time has passed before deciding whether stopwatch it, personally.

Sending love and solidarity your way, either way.

Thank you, that's quite a good idea. I've just got almost 3 weeks of my life missing from the moment I jumped as I barely remember w everything that happened to me.

How are you feeling today? Hope a little better if that's possible.
Sending hugs your way x

I'm feeling ok, the staff have taken me outside in my bed just to see the sunshine for the first time which is so so kind of them. Most of them have become friends really. CTB wise I'm still really struggling. My whole life has crashed down around me and I wasn't meant to survive for this to happen to me. No one really visits me either or even texts me anymore. I'm really touched you've asked though thank you x

 

[Amz_Falls]

I mean. If you want to, then do it. I would watch it if I were you.

What would be your reasoning if it was you?

 

[Soul]

If there's a way to have the officers put their recordings on a dvd or something for you, so you have the option to watch them someday, when you've recovered, I would request that, @Amz_Falls. I'm very sorry you're suffering so. Can you try texting people you'd like to see and tell them that? People are so easily confused, and sometimes need nudges. I hope you're feeling as well as you can. x

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Thank you, that's quite a good idea. I've just got almost 3 weeks of my life missing from the moment I jumped as I barely remember w everything that happened to me.

I'm feeling ok, the staff have taken me outside in my bed just to see the sunshine for the first time which is so so kind of them. Most of them have become friends really. CTB wise I'm still really struggling. My whole life has crashed down around me and I wasn't meant to survive for this to happen to me. No one really visits me either or even texts me anymore. I'm really touched you've asked though thank you x

I cannot believe nobody comes to see you or contacts you. That's really bad and shows what awful people they are. You need good people around you. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. I think I would be devastated I survived after making the decision to CTB.
If you need to talk I'm here. We all need someone in this awful world we live in. xx

 

[wildmoon]

I know I just don't know what to do.
Physically not good at all..spent 15 days on life support and have
Broken Legs
Broken Ankles
Broken left Femur shaft
Broken left Femoral joint
Burst L2 unstable fracture of my Spine
L5 transverse unstable fracture
Complex unstable Pelvis fractures
Complex Sacral fractures leaving me with life changing nerve damage
Pneumothorax
Lacerated Spleen
Lacerated Stomach
Traumatic Pancreatitis

I'm ruined

I can't and if I couldn't I wouldn't I'm afraid. It's extremely personal and is also in the hands of the police.

I am ever so sorry. I really feel for you to have to go through that. I am not sure i'd want to see a video when feeling vulnerable and suffering from PTSD. I'm with Bea1974 on that one, you have the option at a later date. There's a reason you are not fully sure and asking the forum, so listen to your gut. Either way, good luck in what you decide to do. I wish you all the best.

 

[Stan]

Personally I think it could add another emotional scar to the physical ones you are already dealing with. Hope you reach the peace you are looking for however it happens.

 

[Amz_Falls]

I cannot believe nobody comes to see you or contacts you. That's really bad and shows what awful people they are. You need good people around you. I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling. I think I would be devastated I survived after making the decision to CTB.
If you need to talk I'm here. We all need someone in this awful world we live in. xx

Thank you. It's just the world we live in. Initially everyone was like oh my god I'll come and see you on such and such date then they would just never show. My boyfriend has been by my side throughout thankfully though. I said to him I guarantee if I'd died they'd all be at my funeral crying saying how good a friend they were. People are so shallow.
I am devastated but for now all I can do is lie here facing the consequences but thank you for your kind words x

 

[JWL]

Thank you. It's just the world we live in. Initially everyone was like oh my god I'll come and see you on such and such date then they would just never show. My boyfriend has been by my side throughout thankfully though. I said to him I guarantee if I'd died they'd all be at my funeral crying saying how good a friend they were. People are so shallow.
I am devastated but for now all I can do is lie here facing the consequences but thank you for your kind words x

I hope you are well.

However, we have to face facts. Most people look down on suicides as quite pathetic attention-seekers and perhaps carrying something contageous, so they fall over themselves to keep distance. The attention-seeking is not to be denied in a lot of cases and this puts people's backs up.

My view is that if you (generic 'you') hope to gain sympathy from a suicide attempt and to 'persuade' people to pay you more attention for fear of further attempts, you (generic) need to re-think things.

 

[Amz_Falls]

I hope you are well.

However, we have to face facts. Most people look down on suicides as quite pathetic attention-seekers and perhaps carrying something contageous, so they fall over themselves to keep distance. The attention-seeking is not to be denied in a lot of cases and this puts people's backs up.

My view is that if you (generic 'you') hope to gain sympathy from a suicide attempt and to 'persuade' people to pay you more attention for fear of further attempts, you (generic) need to re-think things.

I complete agree. I can definitely think of better ways of getting attention. The only sympathy id ever want is from the fact I didn't die! There are however a lot of (generic) yous out there and it's sad that some even end up dying unintentionally from it.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I would personally request it and keep it filed to one place until I was ready. It won't be easy, but it may one day help you process what you have been through. Can I ask, how long are you in hospital for, are they supporting you mentally as well as physically.

As for friends, send them a message, general chit chat, a little miss you whatever way you chat to them, remind them your still you, and you need support

 

[Amz_Falls]

I would personally request it and keep it filed to one place until I was ready. It won't be easy, but it may one day help you process what you have been through. Can I ask, how long are you in hospital for, are they supporting you mentally as well as physically.

As for friends, send them a message, general chit chat, a little miss you whatever way you chat to them, remind them your still you, and you need support

Mm not a bad about. Not sure if temptation would get the better of me before I'm ready! Catch 22 really. I hopefully won't be here too much longer, they need to re x Ray my spine to see if the fractures are now stable. If they are it will be a case of learning to walk again etc if I can.
I've done that in the past. A couple have come in once and then not spoken a word to me since. It's sad because I'm the exact same person they knew before except I'm just a little bit broken now! My boyfriend keeps saying to message them again but I'm stubborn. They know I'm lying here in hospital, I would of hoped they would reach out to me not vice versa. I dunno, this whole situation is just so fucked up :-(

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Mm not a bad about. Not sure if temptation would get the better of me before I'm ready! Catch 22 really. I hopefully won't be here too much longer, they need to re x Ray my spine to see if the fractures are now stable. If they are it will be a case of learning to walk again etc if I can.
I've done that in the past. A couple have come in once and then not spoken a word to me since. It's sad because I'm the exact same person they knew before except I'm just a little bit broken now! My boyfriend keeps saying to message them again but I'm stubborn. They know I'm lying here in hospital, I would of hoped they would reach out to me not vice versa. I dunno, this whole situation is just so fucked up :-(

When it comes to friends and not mailing first, I know exactly what you mean, I have a friend who unless I contacted her first, she would never contact me. Kinda out of sight out of mind attitude. It's frustrating and causes tears but after 26 yrs of it I am used to it now, and just put up with it.

When it comes to the footage, how supportive is your bf? Would he be able to take it and put it in a place you couldn't/wouldn't know about? If he could keep it safe for you, and when you both think your ready talk it through properly first then you can make the choice?

I really do hope your on a path to recovery, and I truely hope whatever you decide to do with your future that you feel safe, confident and secure

 

[bea1974]

After 7 periods of time on psych wards over the last six years I've learnt that many people are scared to call or visit in case they say the wrong thing and somehow make it worse (as if!) and also some mistakenly assume that I want space to recover. They think I'll tell them if I want a call or a visit, and they wait for that signal from me.

I used to think those that didn't call or visit didn't care. Now I know that isn't the case. Also, though, they now know that they were wrong in their assumptions too, because I have told them!

Sometimes people need a bit of handhold. People like you and me deal with stuff like suicide attempts etc. without choice because they are part of our life experience. Others have never had such experience and are scared by it all.

We can choose whether to bother, or whether to just dump the cowards, but I choose to bother because I accept that I gain more that way, and don't want to lose those friends. They may be cowards but they do have other qualities :)

 

[Amz_Falls]

When it comes to friends and not mailing first, I know exactly what you mean, I have a friend who unless I contacted her first, she would never contact me. Kinda out of sight out of mind attitude. It's frustrating and causes tears but after 26 yrs of it I am used to it now, and just put up with it.

When it comes to the footage, how supportive is your bf? Would he be able to take it and put it in a place you couldn't/wouldn't know about? If he could keep it safe for you, and when you both think your ready talk it through properly first then you can make the choice?

I really do hope your on a path to recovery, and I truely hope whatever you decide to do with your future that you feel safe, confident and secure

I know what you mean. I've just given up, if they want to see me they know where I am I can't exactly move haha.
He is but I don't think he would want the footage within a mile of him. He had to pick my car up from the police station and drove 15 miles round to avoid the bridge.

After 7 periods of time on psych wards over the last six years I've learnt that many people are scared to call or visit in case they say the wrong thing and somehow make it worse (as if!) and also some mistakenly assume that I want space to recover. They think I'll tell them if I want a call or a visit, and they wait for that signal from me.

I used to think those that didn't call or visit didn't care. Now I know that isn't the case. Also, though, they now know that they were wrong in their assumptions too, because I have told them!

Sometimes people need a bit of handhold. People like you and me deal with stuff like suicide attempts etc. without choice because they are part of our life experience. Others have never had such experience and are scared by it all.

We can choose whether to bother, or whether to just dump the cowards, but I choose to bother because I accept that I gain more that way, and don't want to lose those friends. They may be cowards but they do have other qualities :)

You've put that really well actually. I think I'm just desensitised to suicide etc so didn't even really think of it that way. Those that have spoke to me have said the 'didn't want to make it worse' line and I just laughed and said can it get much? I don't want to loose my friends but I just wish they were here for me now like they've always promised they would be. I think that's what hurts the most. Don't get me wrong I didn't do this for that reason, I never expected to survive but now it feels like I've been kicked while I'm down even more.

I know what you mean. I've just given up, if they want to see me they know where I am I can't exactly move haha.
He is but I don't think he would want the footage within a mile of him. He had to pick my car up from the police station and drove 15 miles round to avoid the bridge.

You've put that really well actually. I think I'm just desensitised to suicide etc so didn't even really think of it that way. Those that have spoke to me have said the 'didn't want to make it worse' line and I just laughed and said can it get much? I don't want to loose my friends but I just wish they were here for me now like they've always promised they would be. I think that's what hurts the most. Don't get me wrong I didn't do this for that reason, I never expected to survive but now it feels like I've been kicked while I'm down even more.

What if I make the effort and put them through it all just to CTB

 

[First loss]

What would be your reasoning if it was you?

Just morbid curiosity, I guess.