My Suicide Note

[A_Breath_Away]

Welp, this makes it official. I just finished my suicide note.
Not sure why I wrote it. My family hates me. I'm just a burden to them. But I felt I had to get these feelings out there.
I'll probably just save it on my harddrive until I'm ready to use it.

I'll admit that I'm a selfish, self-serving POS. Biggest reason I need to kick the bucket. I can't not not be this way, I feel.
And I only cause pain to those who love me.

I'm not fit for human consumption. It's my belief that I never should've been born. Like there is something intrinsically wrong with me.
I have a decent life for someone who should've never been. Mainly due to a very loving and very patient family. I dishonor them with my presence.

I just wanna go. I've clung to this husk of a life for too long and my hope is just vanquished.
It's not other people who are the problem. I'M the problem. And it causes me to take out my frustrations on those who are closest to me.

I just want it to be over already. There's no reason for me to be here. And to waste anyone's time is just selfish.
I don't really want to die. I just want to be at peace. If I could just live alone somewhere in nature, far from civilization, I would.

But that is not my reality, it seems. And death is creeping in on me. Ensnaring me in its talons. I just hope it's gentle.
Tear me from this life but leave me whole.

I know it'll be soon. I hope it'll be soon. I couldn't imagine living another 30 years or so. It would be agony.
I know none of this suffering will matter once I'm dead. And I pray that God will forgive my suicide, as well as my waste of a perfectly good life.

IF there is one thing I can warn people against it is psyche-meds. I understand that some folks need them but I should've never been put on the
amount that I was on. It did something to me. Fucked up my body and my brain.

I'd love to hear what type of notes people have left for their loved ones. It would really help me heal. To know I'm not the only one who wasted their life.
Thank you.

 

[closetoyou]

godspeed

 

[VegasLyra]

I wrote one in 2021 before my failed attempt but forgot what exactly I wrote in it.

As to now, when I inevitably CTB, I plan on starting my note with the sentence "This has been set in motion for years", because it really has. Ever since 2016 when I experienced severe bullying and developed depression and became an atheist and a nihilist, there was no timeline moving forward where I didn't CTB.

The rest of the note will be telling my loved ones how I'm grateful for all their help throughout these years, how there's nothing they could've done, etc. My mother is very religious (Muslim) so I intend to soothe her by saying that if God exists, and he's as merciful as she thinks he is, then he'll have pity on my tortured soul and won't condemn me.

 

[A_Breath_Away]

I wrote one in 2021 before my failed attempt but forgot what exactly I wrote in it.

As to now, when I inevitably CTB, I plan on starting my note with the sentence "This has been set in motion for years", because it really has. Ever since 2016 when I experienced severe bullying and developed depression and became an atheist and a nihilist, there was no timeline moving forward where I didn't CTB.

The rest of the note will be telling my loved ones how I'm grateful for all their help throughout these years, how there's nothing they could've done, etc. My mother is very religious (Muslim) so I intend to soothe her by saying that if God exists, and he's as merciful as she thinks he is, then he'll have pity on my tortured soul and won't condemn me.

I had the exact same thought-process. My family has been pushing me away for a long time. They act like they care but they really just see it as an obligation.
My mother tries to frighten me by saying that I'll 'burn in hell' and all this shit. Almost like she's trying to threaten me with it.

She doesn't understand that I checked out some time ago.
I've known that this was an inevitability. I've just been holding out some hope that maybe things could be different, but I know that it's not going to happen.
Just trying to make my last few days on this Earth comfortable as possible. But when it's your time, it's your time, y'know?

Animals know it. I imagine people can feel it too. It's like it's in the air. My family is probably already aware and are planning around it.
I'm just hoping to give them some sense of closure. But part of me hopes they forget about me. Which I'm sure will happen in time.