My spending addiction is a reason for my suicidality

[burninghill]

I spend so much money. It's the only thing that makes me feel better, I guess a broke daughter is better than a dead one but it seriously upsets me.

I keep telling myself that it won't matter if I'm dead but it still bothers me. I could have about twice as much money saved but I don't because I buy food to binge eat and I buy things I don't need and I'm addicted to nicotine so I buy zyns and cigarettes and alcohol too.

I used to be so anxious about money and now look at me. I think it's mostly upsetting because it's entirely in my control. I told myself the £20 I spent at morrisons was the last of it, then I spend £15 on nicotine pouches. I keep saying 'one more purchase' and it's just never gonna end. I really just can't help it. Maybe this is a first world, privledged problem.

I really wanna kill myself just so all these tiny problems go away and I don't have to be anxious anymore.

 

[The Disqualified]

Hi. How are you?

I am really glad you are still alive :)
I had been focused on studying.

Yeah. Of these, my bad habit would be binge eating. I don't use drugs, but eating sugary things and special dishes is something I do to cope when I am overwhelmed.
I just ate something sugary actually. I was passing by a supermarket and just couldn't resist it...
Eating sugary foods is something I used to do constantly when feeling suicidal and overwhelmed.

I am usually fine with money, but money makes me anxious for some reason. This anxiety has been with me since childhood, and I think it is related to my parents. I was always extremely afraid of asking anything to them. I have always been very frugal, except for using food to cope with depression.

I am not overweight. I am actually quite skinny, but I don't eat healthy.

I used to be so anxious about money and now look at me. I think it's mostly upsetting because it's entirely in my control. I told myself the £20 I spent at morrisons was the last of it, then I spend £15 on nicotine pouches. I keep saying 'one more purchase' and it's just never gonna end. I really just can't help it.

I see.
It seems you are addicted to many things. I hope you take care of yourself.
Sending hugs

 

[burninghill]

Hi. How are you?

I am really glad you are still alive :)
I had been focused on studying.

Yeah. Of these, my bad habit would be binge eating. I don't use drugs, but eating sugary things and special dishes is something I do to cope when I am overwhelmed.
I just ate something sugary actually. I was passing by a supermarket and just couldn't resist it...
Eating sugary foods is something I used to do constantly when feeling suicidal and overwhelmed.

I am usually fine with money, but money makes me anxious for some reason. This anxiety has been with me since childhood, and I think it is related to my parents. I was always extremely afraid of asking anything to them. I have always been very frugal, except for using food to cope with depression.

I am not overweight. I am actually quite skinny, but I don't eat healthy.


I see.
It seems you are addicted to many things. I hope you take care of yourself.
Sending hugs

Haha I'm really skinny too, not sure where all the food goes. I ate sugar for 2 years straight as my main meal (I'd have lunch and sometimes dinner with a lot of sweets inbetween, sometimes I'd skip out on dinner for sweets instead) so I weaned myself off of them and then fell into the 'I'm gonna kill myself anyway' mindset. Now I have something sweet every day, which isn't terrible but.. you know.

I'm okay, surprised I'm still alive! I'd be suprised if I make it until the end of the year. How's studying going? I appreciate you checking in on me.

 

[tsykoais]

me as well

whenever I have money I just have to spend it for whatever reason likely related to my bpd though