my soul was raped

[DownInaHole]

When I was 18 I was sucked into the Scientology cult. This was before the internet. I'm so devastated.
I'm 45 now
I spent eight years in the cult
I'm so broken
I can't stop crying

 

[bigj75]

wtf?! i heard that stuff was a crock of shit. idk how they can waste your time like that.

 

[DownInaHole]

I was an atheist. I was sucked in by the Dianetics book. I had never heard of Scientology.
I don't care about the time. They did extreme evil to me.

 

[not_a_robot]

I was an atheist. I was sucked in by the Dianetics book. I had never heard of Scientology.

oh god have you seen the Master? basic mind-control tactics, half that shit came straight from Nazi experiments.

 

[DownInaHole]

There wasn't much of an internet back in 1992.
My soul was badly raped.
I needed help. I wasn't happy.
Wtf... don't label me as wise.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

There are a few cult survivors on here.

I did 0-17 yo in the Jehovahs Witnesses .
Then when I was almost 43ish I became a born again for a few months ...
( You'd think I would have learnt my lesson ! )
All about spiritual need or something ...
The need to belong . existential anxiety etc
Its all been the core of my self annihilation ...

( Don't beat yourself up too bad ... we all look for answers ...)

I always recomend Steve Hasaan Combatting cult mind control .

Sometimes it just hurts in a crazy way .

 

[LaBrava]

Have you checked out any of the stuff on the internet by ex-Scientologists? Chris Shelton's channel on You Tube is good.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

I am sorry too hear of your pain and suffering...

 

[Darkhaven]

There are a few cult survivors on here.

I did 0-17 yo in the Jehovahs Witnesses .
Then when I was almost 43ish I became a born again for a few months ...
( You'd think I would have learnt my lesson ! )
All about spiritual need or something ...
The need to belong . existential anxiety etc
Its all been the core of my self annihilation ...

( Don't beat yourself up too bad ... we all look for answers ...)

I always recomend Steve Hasaan Combatting cult mind control .

Sometimes it just hurts in a crazy way .

So you never actually believed in their teachings?

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

So you never actually believed in their teachings?

I was completely brainwashed .
Luckily for me I saw my brother get destroyed by the 'borg' ... so I was warned off it.
( I didn't get baptized - he did )
I hated them with a vengeance .
I remember thinking - even if it's true I would rather die than live forever with these pricks and their fucking god.

I remember my first year in college and there was an airforce exercise ... I was so terrifiedit was Armageddon .

Long lonely walks up to the top of the engineering block to stare down ...
Wanting it all to go away .

I was emotionally destroyed but intellectually out .

My situation was a bit mind fucky because my non believing father let my mother
take us kids to church and abandoned us ... so that was my respect for authority destroyed right there .

I have never been to a rock concert (I'm 55yo) - those stadium assemblys poisoned mass gatherings for life !
So many things destroyed .


I can go on like this for hours ,

It's the theme tune of my life .

Cults and brain washing . Ugh .

 

[Soul]

There wasn't much of an internet back in 1992.
My soul was badly raped.
I needed help. I wasn't happy.
Wtf... don't label me as wise.

I'm sorry. Is there anything we can do to help you feel safe and whole again? I want to wrap my coat around you. (((Hugs)))

If you don't like that word "wise" on your profile, you can change it. The default words there are related to how many posts we have, but you can go onto your profile and change it to whatever you want.

 

[Darkhaven]

I was completely brainwashed .
Luckily for me I saw my brother get destroyed by the 'borg' ... so I was warned off it.
( I didn't get baptized - he did )
I hated them with a vengeance .
I remember thinking - even if it's true I would rather die than live forever with these pricks and their fucking god.

I remember my first year in college and there was an airforce exercise ... I was so terrifiedit was Armageddon .

Long lonely walks up to the top of the engineering block to stare down ...
Wanting it all to go away .

I was emotionally destroyed but intellectually out .

My situation was a bit mind fucky because my non believing father let my mother
take us kids to church and abandoned us ... so that was my respect for authority destroyed right there .

I have never been to a rock concert (I'm 55yo) - those stadium assemblys poisoned mass gatherings for life !
So many things destroyed .


I can go on like this for hours ,

It's the theme tune of my life .

Cults and brain washing . Ugh .

I've never been a witness. But i have been raised by them and i went to some meetings throughout my life, specially their Easter Memorials. My maternal side of the family are all witnesses, but when i was a kid, only my great grandmother and grandmother were into the cult. But with these people, you only need one to poison the rest.
I already had socialization problems but my grandmother made sure to influence me not to go to birthday parties or sing birthday songs at school. They even told me to walk away from class whenever we watched a movie that had sorcerie or any kind of magick. Thanks to that i have never watched a single Harry Potter movie. I'm going to watch the whole saga next week on netflix.
They also terrorized me with the Armageddon thing. I'm still fearful of it but now that i'm thinking of ctb i can forget more about it.
But i definately wish i wasn't born in their midst.
Now even my mother got baptised and they are all delusional with "the end of system of things" and "ressurections".
I have heard a JW Elder say, on my grandparents house, while he was visiting, that he would kick his son out of the house if he turned out to be gay.
I also heard other things. They way the treat women is disgusting.
You remind me of me when you say that you would never want to go to paradise with them.
I'm exactly the same. Whenever i think about God's people, i like to think about good natured individuals and not misoginists, backward thinking appocalipse loving nutcases such as most JW's.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I've never been a witness. But i have been raised by them. My maternal side of the family are all witnesses, but when i was a kid, only my great grandmother and grandmother were into the cult. But with these people you only need one to poison the rest.
I already had socialization problems but my grandmother made sure to influence me not to go to birthday parties or sing birthday songs at school. They even told me to walk away from class whenever we watched a movie that had sorcerie or any kind of magick. Thanks to that i have never watched a single Harry Potter movie. I'm going to watch the whole saga next week on netflix.
They also terrorized me with the Armageddon thing. I'm still fearful of it but now that i'm thinking of ctb i can forget more about it.
But i definately wish i wasn't born in their midst.
Now even my mother got baptised and they are all delusional with "end of systems" and "ressurections".
I have heard a JW Elder say, on my grandparents house, while he was visiting, that he would kick his son out of the house if he turned out to be gay.
I also heard other things. They way the treat women is disgusting.
You remind me of me when you say that you would never want to go to paradise with them.
I'm exactly the same. Whenever i think about God's people, i like to think about good natured individuals and not misoginists, backward thinking appocalipse loving nutcases such as most JW's.

I think it would be worth while to consider where the CTB ideation comes from .

The entire JW system is built on humiliating and denigrating the individual.

It is a gaslighting institution.

It is where I learnt to hate myself .

Reddit has a board r/exjw that may be helpful .

If you were raised by them the poison will have done it's job.

If you decide not to CTB ... please take seriously the idea of negotiating the trauma as soon as possible to reduce the damage in your life .

I t took me years to address the issues ... I didn't see a therapist until I was thirty .

Most college counsellors will be up to speed with fundamentalist / cult abuse ... at
least its a start ,

When i was 18 at college I was too ashamed to go and see a counsellor and I shat my entire life down the toilet because I never got any one on one feedback about my life .

When I finally saw one at thirty they were very understanding .

I drifted into self medicating with booze and drugs ... it soothes but doesn't heal .

Have I lectured you enough yet ?
Sorry :/

edit ti add : mopped up some typos

but not all :/

 

[Darkhaven]

I think it would be worth while to consider where the CTB ideation comes from .

The entire JW system is built on humiliating and denigrating the individual.

It is a gaslighting institution.

It is where I learnt to hate myself .

Reddit has a board r/exjw that may be helpful .

If you were raised by them the poison will have done it's job.

If you decide not to CTB ... please take seriously the idea of negotiating the trauma as soon as possible to reduce the damage in your life .

I t took me years to address the issues ... I didn't see a therapist until I was thirty .

Most college counsellors will be up to speed with fundamentalist / cult abuse ... at
least its a start ,

When i was 18 at college I was too ashamed to go and see a counsellor and I shat my entire life down the toilet because I never got any one on one feedback about my life .

When I finally saw one at thirty they were very understanding .

I drifted into self medicating with booze and drugs ... it soothes but doesn't heal .

Have I lectured you enough yet ?
Sorry :/

edit ti add : mopped up some typos

but not all :/

Sorry? It has been a pleasure reading from you as i relate to a lot of things you told about them.
I don't think my suicide ideation has to do with the JW.
It has mostly to do with a diagnosis of a neurological disease at 21 that may have a impact on my life in the future, and of course my complete social isolation which renders me a complete failure. I definately have undiagnosed personality disorders, most likely borderline personality disorder.
I was advised by my neurologist to seek a psychiatrist but i haven't gone yet.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

Sorry? It has been a pleasure reading from you as i relate to a lot of things you told about them.
I don't think my suicide ideation has to do with the JW.
It has mostly to do with a diagnosis of a neurological disease at 21 that may have a impact on my life in the future, and of course my complete social isolation which renders me a complete failure. I definately have undiagnosed personality disorders, most likely borderline personality disorder.
I was advised by my neurologist to seek a psychiatrist but i haven't gone yet.

Oh , OK -
i'm just projecting then ...
However , don't disregard how much emotional abuse can damage you possibley to a physical level .

One of the foundations of psychology afaik is how the body / mind deals with trauma in different 'camouflaged' ways .

It can be 'neurosis' , but I would say it can be physical as well .

Have you heard of Wim Hof the Ice Man ?

He's my new hero ... to tap into some primal pre civilizational survival strategies ...

I haven't got there yet !

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

It's not the same at all but I can kind of empathize. I have some issues with hallucinations and "magical thinking" that were a positive force for most of my life until I started reading up on and feeling pressured by religion/religious people, among other things. I don't even know how it happened but now it's all a mess. The hallucinations are extremely negative, the intrusive thoughts too.

It's not the same like I said but "soul rape" is how it feels, even if it's all in my head. And I'm ashamed because I used to be so proud of not falling for this stuff.

 

[DownInaHole]

Have you checked out any of the stuff on the internet by ex-Scientologists? Chris Shelton's channel on You Tube is good.

I've lost about all interest in the cult but I know who Chris Shelton is.

There are a few cult survivors on here.

I did 0-17 yo in the Jehovahs Witnesses .
Then when I was almost 43ish I became a born again for a few months ...
( You'd think I would have learnt my lesson ! )
All about spiritual need or something ...
The need to belong . existential anxiety etc
Its all been the core of my self annihilation ...

( Don't beat yourself up too bad ... we all look for answers ...)

I always recomend Steve Hasaan Combatting cult mind control .

Sometimes it just hurts in a crazy way .

I was so lonely I would invite the Jehovah's witnesses in for a chat or stand outside with them when they would infrequently drop by. I was so deeply effected by my $cientology experience. Glad I never became JW. I hated Christianity to be honest. I'd gladly have been a JW over being a $cientologist. Nothing fucks your mind like $cientology imo. I'd take a Catholic priest.

 

[bigj75]

my dad was a huge religious fanatic. used it to control me and people around him and to make himself feel better about the messsed up stuff he did. sick stuff man.

 

[Ruffian]

It's really bad when you work with kids, and you know their parent's "religion" is bullshit. You have absolutely no case for abuse unless the child is black and blue. I suspect Scientologists and JW know how hide them and their backwards messed up narrative should be grounds to report them for at least emotional abuse. The only thing my parents didn't mess up with is religion. It made me so sad when I started hearing stuff like this as a young adult.

 

[Going Home]

When I was 18 I was sucked into the Scientology cult. This was before the internet. I'm so devastated.
I'm 45 now
I spent eight years in the cult
I'm so broken
I can't stop crying

I can relate.

 

[Egddios]

There are a few cult survivors on here.

I did 0-17 yo in the Jehovahs Witnesses .
Then when I was almost 43ish I became a born again for a few months ...
( You'd think I would have learnt my lesson ! )
All about spiritual need or something ...
The need to belong . existential anxiety etc
Its all been the core of my self annihilation ...

( Don't beat yourself up too bad ... we all look for answers ...)

I always recomend Steve Hasaan Combatting cult mind control .

Sometimes it just hurts in a crazy way .

I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness up till I reached 7th grade. My older sister is still a JW, and we're as close as we can be, all things considered.

 

[DownInaHole]

I'm sorry for not posting this in the off topic section.

 

[ExitTheDay]

I've read up a lot of fucked up shit about scientology, I'm very fucking sorry for whatever they did to you