Grumpy Frog
Member
- Feb 20, 2025
- 9
I feel like the worst person ever and like I don't deserve to live. I keep making the same mistakes and effecting my boyfriend. Today after an argument he told me he was going to "remember his life" and to have fun with what that means. All I can assume is his life before me. All it does is make me want to die. I let my upsetness just spiral and spiral so much. The hurt just takes over just takes over and controls me and I don't even realize what I am saying I just keeping going trying to get my point across. I take up so much time and space and I keep ruining his days.
I want to be different so bad but he thinks I like being out of control like I am no matter how many times I tell him it makes me want to die so much. It is terrible being like that and then afterwards realizing my actions. I'm trying to work in therapy but it is a big problem of mine to the point I'd get into it with my therapist because I feel like she said something to hurt me. I'm better with her but with him I am not because it just triggers me so much because he is the one closest to me.
We both hurt each other a lot but I can't take what I do. I don't like hurting the people I care about I just think I am horrible deep down, he really thinks I do it on purpose imagine the other people in my life that think that too who I've hurt in the past. I can't take being this way I wish I was nice, caring, empathic, but over time I have just gotten so mean and cold to my boyfriend through all our issues. Neither of us will leave each other though because we are too attached and love each other still. I love him and I know that I just don't know how he loves me. I feel like one day he will just replace me with how I am once he finds someone who is kind and not just terrible.
I want to be different so bad but he thinks I like being out of control like I am no matter how many times I tell him it makes me want to die so much. It is terrible being like that and then afterwards realizing my actions. I'm trying to work in therapy but it is a big problem of mine to the point I'd get into it with my therapist because I feel like she said something to hurt me. I'm better with her but with him I am not because it just triggers me so much because he is the one closest to me.
We both hurt each other a lot but I can't take what I do. I don't like hurting the people I care about I just think I am horrible deep down, he really thinks I do it on purpose imagine the other people in my life that think that too who I've hurt in the past. I can't take being this way I wish I was nice, caring, empathic, but over time I have just gotten so mean and cold to my boyfriend through all our issues. Neither of us will leave each other though because we are too attached and love each other still. I love him and I know that I just don't know how he loves me. I feel like one day he will just replace me with how I am once he finds someone who is kind and not just terrible.
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