Venting Is my grief normal? Probably not

[BlueButterfly111]

I feel like I'm "not supposed" to be grieving over my dead boyfriend this much. I feel like it's not normal, but I can't help that it's the way that I feel. People seem to dismiss my feelings, and someone even went as far as to tell me that he wasn't in my family so I should get over it. I feel like I'm "not allowed" to feel this sad about it, so I just keep it to myself since no one cares about my feelings anyways.

I wasn't with my boyfriend for very long, just under a year I was with him. But I felt so in love, and I felt like my soul was connected with his. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night and cry about him. Even just typing it all out makes me start tearing up. I feel like I'm crazy and this isn't normal, it's been 7 months since he passed away so I should be "over it" by now. But his passing is the main reason why I want to ctb. I hate to say it but I just need validation, I just feel lonely, and want to feel heard.

 

[GoSan1]

It's normal, don't worry. It's simply the truest form of love. He can truly be happy to have someone like you, and I would love to see you two reunite one day to stay together forever.

 

[SVEN]

It's okay to grieve. They say time heals, it doesn't, but it does distance a little bit.
Time passes ... but true love lasts.
Be kind to yourself.

 

[Shroomsonmyhead]

"he wasn't in my family so I should get over it-" is fucking WILD. I cannot fathom how someone could say that kind of shit to a person.

Regardless, and at the risk of sounding a bit bleak… seven months isn't really very long at all when it comes to getting over the death of a romantic partner.

But I have always hated the term "getting over" death, anyway. Loss isn't some mountain you climb over and escape from, it's a lasting part of who you are. All you can do is decide what that new part of you means.

There are methods one can use to speed up the grieving process… but whether or not you even want to dig into a topic like that is up to you.

Would it be okay to ask how your boyfriend passed? If you feel comfortable sharing, of course.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

"he wasn't in my family so I should get over it-" is fucking WILD. I cannot fathom how someone could say that kind of shit to a person.

Regardless, and at the risk of sounding a bit bleak… seven months isn't really very long at all when it comes to getting over the death of a romantic partner.

But I have always hated the term "getting over" death, anyway. Loss isn't some mountain you climb over and escape from, it's a lasting part of who you are. All you can do is decide what that new part of you means.

There are methods one can use to speed up the grieving process… but whether or not you even want to dig into a topic like that is up to you.

Would it be okay to ask how your boyfriend passed? If you feel comfortable sharing, of course.

Thank you, I appreciate the validation! Yeah the lack of care or support I've received from people that are supposed to be there for me is astonishing.

Well honestly when it comes to the grieving process, I've kinda just given up, which is why I'm on this website. I'm still waiting for my Sn to arrive, if it arrived already I wouldn't even be here.

He passed away by being shot by a police officer several times while he was having a mental health crisis. Feel free to ask anything or pm me if you want! I'm always open to talking about it since I feel so alone.

 

[cylus46]

I feel like I'm "not supposed" to be grieving over my dead boyfriend this much. I feel like it's not normal, but I can't help that it's the way that I feel. People seem to dismiss my feelings, and someone even went as far as to tell me that he wasn't in my family so I should get over it. I feel like I'm "not allowed" to feel this sad about it, so I just keep it to myself since no one cares about my feelings anyways.

I wasn't with my boyfriend for very long, just under a year I was with him. But I felt so in love, and I felt like my soul was connected with his. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night and cry about him. Even just typing it all out makes me start tearing up. I feel like I'm crazy and this isn't normal, it's been 7 months since he passed away so I should be "over it" by now. But his passing is the main reason why I want to ctb. I hate to say it but I just need validation, I just feel lonely, and want to feel heard.

Definitely shouldn't just "be over it" and expect to ever really be "over it". I never lost a partner but i do understand missing someone, ive lost my uncle 2 years back.

We definitely weren't as close as we should have been there was a big language barrier between us but he was wise and i would occasionally see him throughout my life and he always was such a funny and gentle guy, wise too. 2 years later I still think about him from time to time and i can only imagine how much worse your grief is then mine. So don't feel bad about missing someone, especially a partner, don't feel bad for grieving them, missing them, crying over them, thinking about them, that just shows how much you really loved them and it's not something to be ashamed of or second guess.

Grief isn't a one size fit all shoe, it's existence and subseqent "normality" is different for everyone and where you're grief takes you is you and you're journey alone. I hope one day you'll find peace, whatever that may look like. :)