Story My past.. I don’t see a future.. TW

[Elle]

So I'm 20 years old, I turn 21 in October. Yes I'm old ( joking). I think of CTB on a daily basis, as of yet I haven't got any plans but I do have access to a few things but would have to purchase things.

Those kind of thoughts started when at the age of 9, I lost my mum. It tore me apart, I felt like I got transferred to a different place. I started self harming, by cutting myself - I was put into foster care shortly after that. I was then raped at age 14, which I fell pregnant. At 21 weeks, I miscarried. I had just found out the gender of my baby, and I was devastated. Not only had I just been through a traumatic experience, but now I've lost the only thing keeping me alive.

I tried CTB multiple times after that, I just wanted an escape. I kept on self harming. I then tried hanging myself but which lead to me being found unresponsive, and put into an induced coma. I was sent to the ICU, but sadly I'm alive now.

Writing this now, I have CTB thoughts, I want to get out of this world, but I'm scared if it fails again. I want to find a way that will make me disappear forever.. sounds silly but I'm sort of excited to be 'gone'.

I suffer with kyphoscoliosis which makes my living even more crap, I'm in pain constantly. I can't stand up for less than 5 minutes without having to sit down. I can't work because I'm in pain. I got referred to physio therapy which definitely won't help, but it's worth a shot I guess.

This is so random but I wanted to get everything out - I'm done

I just want a way out of this shit fucking whole honestly

 

[sayire]

omg... my heart aches reading this.
I am available if you wanna dm

 

[Elle]

omg... my heart aches reading this.
I am available if you wanna dm

Thank you so much,

 

[thovens]

A peaceful death is better than a torturous life. Society should give us this opportunity instead of trying to keep us alive in a life that gives us only pain and suffering.

 

[Elle]

A peaceful death is better than a torturous life. Society should give us this opportunity instead of trying to keep us alive in a life that gives us only pain and suffering.

This is so true, honestly.

 

[d3c96524be95]

That's terrific and so sad to read . You've already endured so much at such a young age, it's so unfair. I hope you get a relief from your suffering.

You stated in other threads that you were in need to chat privately. I'm surely not the best person to talk to and you probably already had more proposals than you were looking for, but be advised that my DMs are also open in case you need it. — Please beware when chatting privately with people; not all people on the internet are benevolent, and that probably also applies to this forum.

 

[Elle]

That's terrific and so sad to read . You've already endured so much at such a young age, it's so unfair. I hope you get a relief from your suffering.

You stated in other threads that you were in need to chat privately. I'm surely not the best person to talk to and you probably already had more proposals than you were looking for, but be advised that my DMs are also open in case you need it. — Please beware when chatting privately with people; not all people on the internet are benevolent, and that probably also applies to this forum.

I know, I just needed someone to take my mind off things yesterday when I posted that. If that makes sense? But the people who messaged me. We're kind so that's good, thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds so horrible what you've had to endure, existence is just too cruel. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Elle]

That really sounds so horrible what you've had to endure, existence is just too cruel. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm so sorry, you had to go through that, humans can truly be disgusting at times. My mom had back cancer, she had surgery and her back has fucked since, she said physio therapy has helped her a bit. Just her tho. I hope your able to find peace in life or death

 

[Elle]

I'm so sorry, you had to go through that, humans can truly be disgusting at times. My mom had back cancer, she had surgery and her back has fucked since, she said physio therapy has helped her a bit. Just her tho. I hope your able to find peace in life or death

Thank you, I'm trying to find a way out

 

[LonelyTurkey]

What horrible trauma. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You didn't deserve any of this. Keep hanging in there, you're doing great. My heart goes out to you. You can talk to me whenever, my PMs are always open.

 

[Elle]

What horrible trauma. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You didn't deserve any of this. Keep hanging in there, you're doing great. My heart goes out to you. You can talk to me whenever, my PMs are always open.

Means a lot, thank you