anonymousbookreader
Member
- Apr 5, 2024
- 55
My partners suicidal too.
Difference between us is she's on a path to recovery. I'm not, I've accepted I never will be able to come back from what's happened and I don't care anymore. I don't want to live and she keeps telling me she knows she can't stop me but is determined to fight it.
I talk to her in full detail and tried to break up to make this easier, but my proposal to end things was rejected.
Now we're still here and she's having to take some steps in her life to improve her situation and keeps trying to get me to follow suit. She's trying to make up plans to keep me here and safe enough to see where things go. She still has a sliver of hope the future can be better. She's still curious to see what could be if she escapes her situation. I support that for her but cannot be part of it. She says she doesn't want to do things without me and that If I'm not here it's not worth it anymore.
I don't care to try. I'm tired and burnt out and none of my efforts really matter. I do not want to do this anymore.
I began brushing it off and saying I'd rather not discuss it and she says fine, we can talk about it later.
Later comes, I'm still not receptive and I tell her that I don't see us being able to make a plan that works out for the both of us.
(We do not have the same goals clearly.)
She says there's still things I haven't tried. I basically told her it won't matter because I don't have the care or will to do it.
Sure I can do these alternative treatments and hope they'll work out but that's it. Nothing is guarantee I'm not wasting the energy I barely have on a hope. I'm not a hopeful or optimistic person. I won't be invested in whatever she suggests. If I can't even take it seriously how am I to get anything from it?
She went silent for a while and then asked to hang up so she can be alone or maybe try to sleep. That was a while ago. I'm frustrated in this situation and it's not helping that I'm test running my (2nd choice) method and it's not giving me any fucking relief that this will be over soon. I have access to SN and can't fucking buy it because I'm unemployed and nobody will hire me. I'm fucking miserable.
Difference between us is she's on a path to recovery. I'm not, I've accepted I never will be able to come back from what's happened and I don't care anymore. I don't want to live and she keeps telling me she knows she can't stop me but is determined to fight it.
I talk to her in full detail and tried to break up to make this easier, but my proposal to end things was rejected.
Now we're still here and she's having to take some steps in her life to improve her situation and keeps trying to get me to follow suit. She's trying to make up plans to keep me here and safe enough to see where things go. She still has a sliver of hope the future can be better. She's still curious to see what could be if she escapes her situation. I support that for her but cannot be part of it. She says she doesn't want to do things without me and that If I'm not here it's not worth it anymore.
I don't care to try. I'm tired and burnt out and none of my efforts really matter. I do not want to do this anymore.
I began brushing it off and saying I'd rather not discuss it and she says fine, we can talk about it later.
Later comes, I'm still not receptive and I tell her that I don't see us being able to make a plan that works out for the both of us.
(We do not have the same goals clearly.)
She says there's still things I haven't tried. I basically told her it won't matter because I don't have the care or will to do it.
Sure I can do these alternative treatments and hope they'll work out but that's it. Nothing is guarantee I'm not wasting the energy I barely have on a hope. I'm not a hopeful or optimistic person. I won't be invested in whatever she suggests. If I can't even take it seriously how am I to get anything from it?
She went silent for a while and then asked to hang up so she can be alone or maybe try to sleep. That was a while ago. I'm frustrated in this situation and it's not helping that I'm test running my (2nd choice) method and it's not giving me any fucking relief that this will be over soon. I have access to SN and can't fucking buy it because I'm unemployed and nobody will hire me. I'm fucking miserable.
