Venting My life will always be a sad, depressing mess and there's nothing which I could do to change it.

[Misery99]

I've been trying for so long but this just doesn't seem to work. I feel like certain people are destined for a certain way of fate in their life and I'm one of those people. I've been given literally the worst cards in life to dealt with and I can't do anything to change it. Been born to a family with poverty, having to deal with alcoholic, cheating, emotionally abusive and selfish parents in my childhood and adulthood, being a high functioning Autistic individual which makes it hard for me to function in life like a normal person would, lacking basic social skills, hating and being insecure about my own looks which affects my self-confidence a lot in a negative way and being unlucky in relationships and all that.

I think I had never met anyone who really loves me unconditionally for who I am as a person. It's always been conditional. Even my parents and siblings didn't love me unconditionally so how can I expect anyone else to do that.

I didn't believe in stuff like Astrology before but when I read my birth chart it said many things which are actually true regarding my life. It mentioned about me growing up in a very challenging family background with self-absorbed parents and also it mentioned that, because of some astrological placements in my birth chart, I tend to attract loyal but dark and mysterious people to my life and I now realize that it's not far from the truth.

Knowing that all of these are never going to change, I don't see the point of even trying anymore. I just moved to a country which is considered as great by many yet I'm still not happy and probably never will. I'm just a total loner outside looking in a big world.