Venting My incredibly depressing Christmas

[nintendo64]

Woke up in the afternoon. Bought some SN as my gift to myself, decided to get some just in case. Friend cancelled on me, so I just went to the beach and sat near the water in the rain staring into the distance thinking of what my suicide note's gonna say. I was there until it got dark out and my hands and face went completely numb. Demolished a slice of cake in my car, I haven't eaten for a while so why not. I'm just too depressed to feel hungry anymore. I went home and tried out hanging until I almost blacked out a couple times again, used my closet support bar this time. It's a lot more difficult because the tie I'm currently using is really short, so I'm gonna get a longer one tomorrow. I cut myself for a while after that. Then I drank some whiskey, had a few ciggies. Best part of the day.

I truly hope y'all had a better Christmas than me.

 

[nendn]

not slept for awhile. Ignoring clocks. try to eat as little as possible. cigarette abuse with ctb intention. Had a walk to spot some quiet lake or wasting facility to have a final swim. Thinking of may attempt tommorow

 

[Al_stargate]

Damn sorry, holidays can be extremely depressing for a lot of people. Some people have ok helpful families but some of us are born into degenerate families that we can't even get rid of. Sorry you felt like shit on what should be a festive day. Hope you at least enjoyed cake, cigs, and whiskey.

 

[nintendo64]

not slept for awhile. Ignoring clocks. try to eat as little as possible. cigarette abuse with ctb intention. Had a walk to spot some quiet lake or wasting facility to have a final swim. Thinking of may attempt tommorow

i'm sorry you're having an awful time as well, I hope you can rest in peace if you decide to go through with it.

Damn sorry, holidays can be extremely depressing for a lot of people. Some people have ok helpful families but some of us are born into degenerate families that we can't even get rid of. Sorry you felt like shit on what should be a festive day. Hope you at least enjoyed cake, cigs, and whiskey.

Thank you. It really does suck being born into a dysfunctional family, sometimes it just feels like I was doomed from the start. But getting drunk and having some nice cigarettes does help, even if just for a little while.

 

[kuroshimi]

Deeply sorry.

I myself got really depressed recently. I almost don't have desires for next year.

 

[nintendo64]

Deeply sorry.

I myself got really depressed recently. I almost don't have desires for next year.

Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. I don't have any desires for next year either, I've stopped making any plans for after my ctb date.

 

[Lady_V]

I've seen a few of your posts/comments, and I want to say they are very relatable and you have been through a lot. Having a hard life and then spending holidays alone in such a deep dark place is awful.
I tried to hang myself on xmas night but it was so painful even when I was drunk af. I hope the next few days are a lot easier for you.