Venting My hebephilic ex admitted that he thinks 12-year-olds can consent. (CW)

[BerryCakes]

Obvious content warning for mentions of CSA.

So, the whole reason I actually decided to join this forum on a whim after being a long time lurker is actually this. The truth is, I fell in love with this man some months ago. I knew from the beginning he was into young girls (primary around the ages of 14-17, but I suspect he's sometimes into younger than that). However, he told me he's non-offending and would never want to abuse a child in that way. I believed him, of course.

To shorten up the story, he ended up using me for sex. He said he'd take care of me and it never happened. Even after two months post break up, I was still in love with him.

I ended up having a conversation with him about two days ago. I was telling him about how I wouldn't mind dating someone with an intellectual disability, but only if they're still relatively "functional," so that I'm not taking advantage of them. He basically follows it up by saying that he feels even those severely impaired can sometimes consent... Then mentions that he thinks his 12-year-old self could consent to relations with an adult because he apparently was libidinous at that age. Needless to say, it freaked me the fuck out. I know it's pretty common for men to downplay CSA, but doing that while also being a self-admitted hebephile? What if he ends up meeting a young girl who's a nymphomaniac?

Needless to say, I had a string of panic attacks after that. I don't think it's a safe idea for him to be with other women. I'm infertile and very firm about remaining childless. Most women aren't like that. Most women want kids, and he's one of those "fence-sitters" who wants their significant other to make the decision to have kids or not for him. Needless to say, it's not very probable he'll meet another child-free woman. Just like how it isn't probable that he'll stay off a sex offender registry.

I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, but it'd be better if he did, for his sake. I've tried working things out on multiple occasions, but he just sees me as a sex toy. This might sound insane, but I've even been considering using a love spell. I have no idea if it'll actually work, but... I'm just so scared.

 

[Ghost2211]

You should find a way to politely suggest he discuss this with a therapist. Sexual attraction to children doesn't go away, and if he is expressing it then it's likely been with him a while.

 

[BerryCakes]

You should find a way to politely suggest he discuss this with a therapist. Sexual attraction to children doesn't go away, and if he is expressing it then it's likely been with him a while.

Yep, from what he's told me, it sure has been. He's been talking to a therapist last time I checked, but I don't know if it's about this subject in particular. He didn't really take me very seriously when I showed concern over this new... revelation.

 

[Ghost2211]

Do you have a therapist to ask how that should be handled? There is a huge jump between interest and taking action, but that's pretty disturbing. That must have been and still be a really uncomfortable and scary pierce of info to gain.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I don't blame you for being freaked out. He may not be acting on it but it's certainly worrying that he believes that someone as young as 12 is able to consent. The fact that he doesn't take you seriously, does that mean he doesn't think it's a problem for him to have these views?

 

[BerryCakes]

Do you have a therapist to ask how that should be handled? There is a huge jump between interest and taking action, but that's pretty disturbing. That must have been and still be a really uncomfortable and scary pierce of info to gain.

Unfortunately, no. I tried asking someone close to me, and they basically just said to cut off contact. I mean, I get why they said it, but it's not very helpful.

 

[inflammed123]

Obvious content warning for mentions of CSA.

So, the whole reason I actually decided to join this forum on a whim after being a long time lurker is actually this. The truth is, I fell in love with this man some months ago. I knew from the beginning he was into young girls (primary around the ages of 14-17, but I suspect he's sometimes into younger than that). However, he told me he's non-offending and would never want to abuse a child in that way. I believed him, of course.

To shorten up the story, he ended up using me for sex. He said he'd take care of me and it never happened. Even after two months post break up, I was still in love with him.

I ended up having a conversation with him about two days ago. I was telling him about how I wouldn't mind dating someone with an intellectual disability, but only if they're still relatively "functional," so that I'm not taking advantage of them. He basically follows it up by saying that he feels even those severely impaired can sometimes consent... Then mentions that he thinks his 12-year-old self could consent to relations with an adult because he apparently was libidinous at that age. Needless to say, it freaked me the fuck out. I know it's pretty common for men to downplay CSA, but doing that while also being a self-admitted hebephile? What if he ends up meeting a young girl who's a nymphomaniac?

Needless to say, I had a string of panic attacks after that. I don't think it's a safe idea for him to be with other women. I'm infertile and very firm about remaining childless. Most women aren't like that. Most women want kids, and he's one of those "fence-sitters" who wants their significant other to make the decision to have kids or not for him. Needless to say, it's not very probable he'll meet another child-free woman. Just like how it isn't probable that he'll stay off a sex offender registry.

I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, but it'd be better if he did, for his sake. I've tried working things out on multiple occasions, but he just sees me as a sex toy. This might sound insane, but I've even been considering using a love spell. I have no idea if it'll actually work, but... I'm just so scared.

this is highly inappropriate. i'm going to report it to the admins. and why your openly dealing with a hebephilic person is on your conscience. so wrong, i'm disgusted.

 

[BerryCakes]

this is highly inappropriate. i'm going to report it to the admins. and why your openly dealing with a hebephilic person is on your conscience. so wrong, i'm disgusted.

Did you not read the post? He hasn't done anything to anybody yet. I'm just worried about what he may do in the future, which I want to prevent. You must be very uninformed in regards to paraphilias if you think it's just something you can wish away.

 

[inflammed123]

i don't know what a love spell is but please elaborate

Did you not read the post? He hasn't done anything to anybody yet. I'm just worried about what he may do in the future, which I want to prevent. You must be very uninformed in regards to paraphilias if you think it's just something you can wish away.

you're trying to cast a curse on a pedophile. it just seems wrong.

 

[BerryCakes]

i don't know what a love spell is but please elaborate

Uhh, Google is free, my dude. I'm not explaining anything to you after those harsh comments.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I had a string of panic attacks after that.

I don't know what to do.

Listen to your gut, listen to red flags, accept him as he is (not just his interests but what he wants and how he treats you), and run. Cut off all contact.

Then start learning about boundaries, manipulation techniques, and self-respect.

Casting a love spell, even though it won't work, is controlling and abusive.

 

[inflammed123]

Uhh, Google is free, my dude. I'm not explaining anything to you after those harsh comments.

this is a welcoming website, we can agree to go separate ways. i flagged your posts.

 

[Ghost2211]

Unfortunately, no. I tried asking someone close to me, and they basically just said to cut off contact. I mean, I get why they said it, but it's not very helpful.

Your friend was right. He won't be able to just not be that way, and he has to want help. The system wont do anything until/unless a child gets hurt. Do yourself a favor and stay out of his world.

 

[BerryCakes]

Listen to your gut, listen to red flags, accept him as he is, and run. Cut off all contact.

Then start learning about boundaries, manipulation techniques, and self-respect.

Casting a love spell, even though it won't work, is controlling and abusive.

I know where you're coming from, and understand that you're ultimately right, but I was in love with this man and still care deeply for him. I know he isn't... the best person around, but I just don't want him or anyone else getting hurt by a controllable mental issue. I don't trust anyone else to look out for him and do what's best. I... don't really trust him to look after himself, either. I just wish there was some way I could convince him to get back together with me.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I know where you're coming from, and understand that you're ultimately right, but I was in love with this man and still care deeply for him. I know he isn't... the best person around, but I just don't want him or anyone else getting hurt by a controllable mental issue. I don't trust anyone else to look out for him and do what's best. I... don't really trust him to look after himself, either. I just wish there was some way I could convince him to get back together with me.

Were you raised by alcoholics, addicts, abusers and/or perpetrators of CSA?

 

[inflammed123]

I know where you're coming from, and understand that you're ultimately right, but I was in love with this man and still care deeply for him. I know he isn't... the best person around, but I just don't want him or anyone else getting hurt by a controllable mental issue. I don't trust anyone else to look out for him and do what's best. I... don't really trust him to look after himself, either. I just wish there was some way I could convince him to get back together with me.

berrycakes may be trolling. anyone who would relate to a 'hebephilic'. I don't know. it seems wrong tho.

 

[Ghost2211]

I know where you're coming from, and understand that you're ultimately right, but I was in love with this man and still care deeply for him. I know he isn't... the best person around, but I just don't want him or anyone else getting hurt by a controllable mental issue. I don't trust anyone else to look out for him and do what's best. I... don't really trust him to look after himself, either. I just wish there was some way I could convince him to get back together with me.

I'm worried what it will do to you when you realize you're not a kid, so you're not enough. You can't stop him if he's going to act on the feelings, but you're making yourself his guardian and stabilizer so what happens when he falls to his temptation?

 

[BerryCakes]

Were you raised by alcoholics, addicts, abusers and/or perpetrators of CSA?

Ah, is it really that noticeable? Yeah, my father was an alcoholic. Both of my parents have been emotionally and physically abusive towards me at least once. I did end up being a victim of CSA myself, but not by anyone I was related to. My parents turned a blind eye to it, though...

I'm worried what it will do to you when you realize you're not a kid, so you're not enough. You can't stop him if he's going to act on the feelings, but you're making yourself his guardian and stabilizer so what happens when he falls to his temptation?

It's funny you mention that, actually. I've already began to have those thoughts. When I was with him, I began to have some body issues. A big part of the reason why he likes me sexually is because I'm "reverse jailbait" in his eyes, but I'm obviously still an adult at the end of the day. As for the question, well... I don't know what I'd do. Or how I'd feel. Probably partly responsible, I'm sure.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Ah, is it really that noticeable? Yeah, my father was an alcoholic. Both of my parents have been emotionally and physically abusive towards me at least once. I did end up being a victim of CSA myself, but not by anyone I was related to. My parents turned a blind eye to it, though...

It's noticeable because of how co-dependent and controlling your thought processes and actions are. You're all about protecting him and not yourself. Replace children with a drink, and you're trying to keep him from drinking for his own protection, even though he treats you like shit.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Obvious content warning for mentions of CSA.

So, the whole reason I actually decided to join this forum on a whim after being a long time lurker is actually this. The truth is, I fell in love with this man some months ago. I knew from the beginning he was into young girls (primary around the ages of 14-17, but I suspect he's sometimes into younger than that). However, he told me he's non-offending and would never want to abuse a child in that way. I believed him, of course.

To shorten up the story, he ended up using me for sex. He said he'd take care of me and it never happened. Even after two months post break up, I was still in love with him.

I ended up having a conversation with him about two days ago. I was telling him about how I wouldn't mind dating someone with an intellectual disability, but only if they're still relatively "functional," so that I'm not taking advantage of them. He basically follows it up by saying that he feels even those severely impaired can sometimes consent... Then mentions that he thinks his 12-year-old self could consent to relations with an adult because he apparently was libidinous at that age. Needless to say, it freaked me the fuck out. I know it's pretty common for men to downplay CSA, but doing that while also being a self-admitted hebephile? What if he ends up meeting a young girl who's a nymphomaniac?

Needless to say, I had a string of panic attacks after that. I don't think it's a safe idea for him to be with other women. I'm infertile and very firm about remaining childless. Most women aren't like that. Most women want kids, and he's one of those "fence-sitters" who wants their significant other to make the decision to have kids or not for him. Needless to say, it's not very probable he'll meet another child-free woman. Just like how it isn't probable that he'll stay off a sex offender registry.

I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, but it'd be better if he did, for his sake. I've tried working things out on multiple occasions, but he just sees me as a sex toy. This might sound insane, but I've even been considering using a love spell. I have no idea if it'll actually work, but... I'm just so scared.

Sounds like you're better off without him.

As regards the child abuse thing, all I can say is that I wish I was in charge of this country.
All child abusers (and others) would be treated very well.
They'd be given a free holiday to a specialist camp located somewhere secret in the country side, and they'd all be rounded up and put on trains to go on their nice little holiday.
They'd have such a good time that they would never leave and nobody would see or hear from them again.

 

[inflammed123]

It's noticeable because of how co-dependent and controlling your thought processes and actions are. You're all about protecting him and not yourself. Replace children with a drink, and you're trying to keep him from drinking for his own protection, even though he treats you like shit.

yea seems like co-dependent relationship.

 

[Ghost2211]

berrycakes may be trolling. anyone who would relate to a 'hebephilic'. I don't know. it seems wrong tho.

I can see you're triggered by the topic. My grandma lived with and was in love with an offending child molester. It happens... people are not strong enough to walk away. People are to blinded by their love for the person and too scared to be alone for them to see the monster in front of them.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Did it hurt to fall off your high horse that hard? Do you need medical attention?

Check out this dude's other posts, he reports other people for no good reason. A pretty obvious troll, imo.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Back to the original conversation before we were interrupted: it's not your job to protect him. Protect yourself by walking away

Check out this dude's other posts, he reports other people for no good reason. A pretty obvious troll, imo.

Lol, I've put him on ignore. He's obviously got a few issues himself if he feels he needs to troll for fun/attention.

 

[Mr2005]

this is highly inappropriate. i'm going to report it to the admins. and why your openly dealing with a hebephilic person is on your conscience. so wrong, i'm disgusted.

This is highly inappropriate. They're in a difficult situation and you think the victim of that is you.

Obvious content warning for mentions of CSA.

So, the whole reason I actually decided to join this forum on a whim after being a long time lurker is actually this. The truth is, I fell in love with this man some months ago. I knew from the beginning he was into young girls (primary around the ages of 14-17, but I suspect he's sometimes into younger than that). However, he told me he's non-offending and would never want to abuse a child in that way. I believed him, of course.

To shorten up the story, he ended up using me for sex. He said he'd take care of me and it never happened. Even after two months post break up, I was still in love with him.

I ended up having a conversation with him about two days ago. I was telling him about how I wouldn't mind dating someone with an intellectual disability, but only if they're still relatively "functional," so that I'm not taking advantage of them. He basically follows it up by saying that he feels even those severely impaired can sometimes consent... Then mentions that he thinks his 12-year-old self could consent to relations with an adult because he apparently was libidinous at that age. Needless to say, it freaked me the fuck out. I know it's pretty common for men to downplay CSA, but doing that while also being a self-admitted hebephile? What if he ends up meeting a young girl who's a nymphomaniac?

Needless to say, I had a string of panic attacks after that. I don't think it's a safe idea for him to be with other women. I'm infertile and very firm about remaining childless. Most women aren't like that. Most women want kids, and he's one of those "fence-sitters" who wants their significant other to make the decision to have kids or not for him. Needless to say, it's not very probable he'll meet another child-free woman. Just like how it isn't probable that he'll stay off a sex offender registry.

I don't know what to do. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, but it'd be better if he did, for his sake. I've tried working things out on multiple occasions, but he just sees me as a sex toy. This might sound insane, but I've even been considering using a love spell. I have no idea if it'll actually work, but... I'm just so scared.

You're an amazing human being.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

This is highly inappropriate. They're in a difficult situation and you think the victim of that is you.

Don't feed the troll.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

You deserve a lot better than to be stuck with someone like that.

 

[BerryCakes]

You're an amazing human being.

You deserve a lot better than to be stuck with someone like that.

Thank you, guys. It means a lot more than you might think. <3

 

[GoneGoneGone]

OP, with all due respect, I do not understand the reasoning.

He treats you poorly, but because he likes young girls, you are willing to sacrifice yourself and stay with him. This sort of makes some sense re codependency / sacrifice (?) perspective. But he does not want to be with you and you want to put a love spell on him? Why, if he doesn't want to be with you?

Just trying to understand the OP.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

You can try your hardest but at the end of the day, he's a grown man who is going to make his own decisions. What happens if he does eventually offend? It's not going to look good on you if you knew about it. Unfortunately I don't think authorities can do much about it unless he does something