Hello everyone, it's nice to meet people I can relate with. I've struggled with depression since childhood, and recently anxiety. I have been abused and bullied my entire life too. Recently I have attempted jumping from a 4 story window, and all that did was mangle my foot and break my nose (both of which I had restorative surgery on). It was completely painless and the blackout was instant, all I remember is complete and utter blissful nothingness until I woke up with my boyfriend crying over me holding me in his arms with blood all over his face and ambulance sirens blaring. I'd do it again in a heartbeat but the fear is surviving (like I did) even though it was minimal injuries. So the jumping bit was pain free, but being in the hospital with my shattered foot swelling up was the literal worst pain in the entire world.
The single thought I had in my mind the second I jumped was "aw shit". No feeling of regret, wasn't too scary at all. It was instant. I'd imagine a longer jump distance would give way to regret and fear but be more successful.