Story My experience jumping.

[Metavoid]

Hello everyone, it's nice to meet people I can relate with. I've struggled with depression since childhood, and recently anxiety. I have been abused and bullied my entire life too. Recently I have attempted jumping from a 4 story window, and all that did was mangle my foot and break my nose (both of which I had restorative surgery on). It was completely painless and the blackout was instant, all I remember is complete and utter blissful nothingness until I woke up with my boyfriend crying over me holding me in his arms with blood all over his face and ambulance sirens blaring. I'd do it again in a heartbeat but the fear is surviving (like I did) even though it was minimal injuries. So the jumping bit was pain free, but being in the hospital with my shattered foot swelling up was the literal worst pain in the entire world.

The single thought I had in my mind the second I jumped was "aw shit". No feeling of regret, wasn't too scary at all. It was instant. I'd imagine a longer jump distance would give way to regret and fear but be more successful.

 

[Miss clefable]

I've been thinking about jumping myself thanks for your story hugs I hope your foot gets better

 

[Metavoid]

Thank you *hugs*

 

[Gainax]

...Recently I have attempted jumping from a 4 story window, and all that did was mangle my foot and break my nose...
... woke up with my boyfriend crying over me holding me in his arms ...

well ...you've learned 2 things:
- 4 story window..wasn't high enough
- if you kill yourself without first cut ties with your loved one, he will be a broken man for the rest of his life

if you still want to do it, in this site you can do a proper research, but first dump your boyfriend

 

[Metavoid]

well ...you've learned 2 things:
- 4 story window..wasn't high enough
- if you kill yourself without first cut ties with your loved one, he will be a broken man for the rest of his life

now in this site you can do a proper research, but first dump your boyfriend

The thing is, we did break up, then I jumped. But we couldn't let go of each other after. I needed him and he needed me. We are currently stuck in a long distance relationship and I haven't seen him in months because he's working and the loneliness is killing me. I am trying to get the courage to break up with him then I'll do it again, but I'm scared of breaking his heart.

 

[worldexploder]

4 stories isn't very high if you want a guaranteed death. Sounds like one horrible ordeal you had to go though. It could have been much worse. You could have became paralyzed or brain damaged. Glad that didn't happen.

 

[Daystavro]

Sorry to hear what you went through.
how old are you?

 

[deathoverlife]

Hello everyone, it's nice to meet people I can relate with. I've struggled with depression since childhood, and recently anxiety. I have been abused and bullied my entire life too. Recently I have attempted jumping from a 4 story window, and all that did was mangle my foot and break my nose (both of which I had restorative surgery on). It was completely painless and the blackout was instant, all I remember is complete and utter blissful nothingness until I woke up with my boyfriend crying over me holding me in his arms with blood all over his face and ambulance sirens blaring. I'd do it again in a heartbeat but the fear is surviving (like I did) even though it was minimal injuries. So the jumping bit was pain free, but being in the hospital with my shattered foot swelling up was the literal worst pain in the entire world.

The single thought I had in my mind the second I jumped was "aw shit". No feeling of regret, wasn't too scary at all. It was instant. I'd imagine a longer jump distance would give way to regret and fear but be more successful.

hope you have recovered and feeling better now

 

[sadsoul]

I'm considering jumping too, but the highest I could jump from is 20-25 meters and I'm too scared of surviving that.

 

[Metavoid]

Sorry to hear what you went through.
how old are you?

Hi there, I am 26 x

 

[Metavoid]

hope you have recovered and feeling better now

Thank you, physically I am better but mentally worse x

 

[Metavoid]

4 stories isn't very high if you want a guaranteed death. Sounds like one horrible ordeal you had to go though. It could have been much worse. You could have became paralyzed or brain damaged. Glad that didn't happen.

Thank you, yeah everyone says it's a sign that I am meant to live on.. I don't know if I believe that but yes I could have been a vegetable.

 

[deathoverlife]

Thank you, physically I am better but mentally worse x

take care dear..hugs

 

[Metavoid]

take care dear..hugs

Hugs xx

 

[worldexploder]

Thank you, yeah everyone says it's a sign that I am meant to live on.. I don't know if I believe that but yes I could have been a vegetable.

I personally believe it's a sign that you didn't jump from a much higher elevation. The body can survive more than we think. How do you feel about CTB now that you survived?

 

[Metavoid]

I personally believe it's a sign that you didn't jump from a much higher elevation. The body can survive more than we think. How do you feel about CTB now that you survived?

Hi there, I feel kind of torn. On one point I want to believe some miracle will happen and my entire life of shit will turn around and I will finally be free from pain, and another part of me argues that the sadness will last forever no matter what because it's been there my whole life even when things were pretty good a few years ago. Right now I am leaning more on just being done with it because I am about to be homeless (i have work but there is a housing crisis where i live) and with everything else and my exhaustion from trying to make it work with my doomed love and loneliness and everything I've lost and given up I honestly just feel like I can't be bothered trying to pursue this pointless joke which is life, where there seems to be more pain than pleasure and it's not worth it anymore.

 

[worldexploder]

Hi there, I feel kind of torn. On one point I want to believe some miracle will happen and my entire life of shit will turn around and I will finally be free from pain, and another part of me argues that the sadness will last forever no matter what because it's been there my whole life even when things were pretty good a few years ago. Right now I am leaning more on just being done with it because I am about to be homeless (i have work but there is a housing crisis where i live) and with everything else and my exhaustion from trying to make it work with my doomed love and loneliness and everything I've lost and given up I honestly just feel like I can't be bothered trying to pursue this pointless joke which is life, where there seems to be more pain than pleasure and it's not worth it anymore.

My heart goes out to you. I have been absolutely done with life for years. Just waiting for an opportunity to go without pain. My aunts going to help me get started with Dignitas (a Euthanasia organization from Switzerland) sometime this week.

 

[Metavoid]

My heart goes out to you. I have been absolutely done with life for years. Just waiting for an opportunity to go without pain. My aunts going to help me get started with Dignitas (a Euthanasia organization from Switzerland) sometime this week.

Thank you for your kind words. That seems like a peaceful way to go. Why does life have to be so shitty huh? My parents said we are all part of Gods plan, and my response was well why does "God" curse so many of us with misery and drive us to suicide. I wish you the best of luck xx

 

[worldexploder]

Thank you for your kind words. That seems like a peaceful way to go. Why does life have to be so shitty huh? My parents said we are all part of Gods plan, and my response was well why does "God" curse so many of us with misery and drive us to suicide. I wish you the best of luck xx

You're very welcome. People use the "gods plan" phrase as sort of a way from them to cope with how shitty reality real is. The way I see it, life IS a negative. Our capacity to suffer far outweighs our capacity to experience pleasure in both duration and intensity. Thanks for wishing me luck. I wish you the same.

 

[Metavoid]

You're very welcome. People use the "gods plan" phrase as sort of a way from them to cope with how shitty reality real is. The way I see it, life IS a negative. Our capacity to suffer far outweighs our capacity to experience pleasure in both duration and intensity. Thanks for wishing me luck. I wish you the same.

I wish I could meet some of you in person. I'm dying to have a drink with someone who understands.

 

[worldexploder]

I wish I could meet some of you in person. I'm dying to have a drink with someone who understands.

That would be really nice

 

[Gainax]

you seem ambivalent about your next step, all i can say is either we choose life or death we must above all evaluate all our options and be fully committed to them

 

[undertherainbow]

I'm sorry for your experience. I understand the not getting support from your partner. My husband tries but he treats me like a glass doll, its maddening. I cant bring myself to break up either just to kill myself. Either way he will be broken. Nothing I can do.
And if I hear "gods plan" one more god damned time... people need to keep that to themselves. It may soothe some people, but it made me mad as a mother....
I see a lot of your story in me. I'm 26 too

 

[Metavoid]

I'm sorry for your experience. I understand the not getting support from your partner. My husband tries but he treats me like a glass doll, its maddening. I cant bring myself to break up either just to kill myself. Either way he will be broken. Nothing I can do.
And if I hear "gods plan" one more god damned time... people need to keep that to themselves. It may soothe some people, but it made me mad as a mother....
I see a lot of your story in me. I'm 26 too

Aw it's hard.. the problem with my situation is the fact my boyfriend works away out of the country sometimes for months at a time so at most I'll see him twice a year.. for many many lonely years... he keeps promising it'll change and we will get married and have a home but it doesn't ever stop, in a way when I met him I was so happy and in deep powerful love and thought this man might just save me from suicide because when I am with him I am geniunely happy or "bouncy" as he puts it.. I was self harming like smashing my head and cutting my face before I met him and doing lots of speed but then that stopped for a while.. then he went away to work. I didn't realise how painful it would be and how it would aggravate my internalized sadness.. it made me not only more depressed, but angry at how I could finally have found something worth living for but I can't even be physically with him.. the anger and rage turned to anxiety, despair, more anger, bouts of insanity and frequent nervous breakdowns, then finally the feeling of just giving up.. life tends to give me all these wonderful things that I can't have or that I lose so I'm fucking done..

 

[Sharethepain]

7 stories at least should be alright, or so Ive read somewhere before, to die by the fall. I suppose this also has to do with body weight a bit and such. By the way, you are a hero in my book, not a lot of people have the guts to jump. I hope you can be happy with your boyfriend at some point. The world sucks in the way that work tears everything dear to us away, leaving us only with fragments of time for ourselves.

 

[Metavoid]

7 stories at least should be alright, or so Ive read somewhere before, to die by the fall. I suppose this also has to do with body weight a bit and such. By the way, you are a hero in my book, not a lot of people have the guts to jump. I hope you can be happy with your boyfriend at some point. The world sucks in the way that work tears everything dear to us away, leaving us only with fragments of time for ourselves.

Not really a hero, but thanks. I forgot to mention I smoked a strong joint after breaking up with him and just before jumping. I stepped out on the teeny window ledge, squatted down, had a cigarette while crying and drank a glass of vodka. My bf was sitting in the bedroom broken, completely unaware I was out the window. I looked at the ground, was like "it's now or never" and just bunny hopped into the pavement below. Bf must have walked in to living room to window open with my shoes by it (yes i took off my shoes lmao) and discovered me on the ground. Completely and utterly painless. If anyone is looking for a painless method, jumping is it. Just make sure you dive head first and it is high enough. Take something to make you feel more at ease with it like booze.

At the hospital when I was finally able to talk, bf called me a "fucking lunatic" heh.

 

[loser41]

Is there anyway you can describe the fall? Was it fun at all? Reading everything you said definitely makes me consider looking into jumping.

 

[Metavoid]

Is there anyway you can describe the fall? Was it fun at all? Reading everything you said definitely makes me consider looking into jumping.

Basically when I jumped, all I saw was the rapidly approaching ground, and it lasted a few seconds. Before the fear had a chance to kick in the only thought I had time to think was aw shit. Then, I heard a crack, and blackness. I honestly don't remember there being any pain at all. Like, if there was any sort of pain, it lasted a millisecond because as soon as I hit the ground I was unconscious.

 

[Salvacion]

I am also jumping.....I feel so bad for letting down those who have supported me...... but the time as come.

 

[loser41]

Basically when I jumped, all I saw was the rapidly approaching ground, and it lasted a few seconds. Before the fear had a chance to kick in the only thought I had time to think was aw shit. Then, I heard a crack, and blackness. I honestly don't remember there being any pain at all. Like, if there was any sort of pain, it lasted a millisecond because as soon as I hit the ground I was unconscious.

i appreciate the answer. :) i hope the best comes to you, whatever that may be