My date is approaching and I'm really scared.

[Crystal Labeija]

My deadline is tomorrow or Wednesday. No later than Wednesday. But I'm having two issues:

1. I'm worried about family & friends. I don't want to cause them any grief. I'm also worried about how they will react. I'm been lying to everyone about my life recently and I'm worried about them getting together and discovering what a massive liar I've been. I want to be remember for my kindness, not my lies.

2. I don't have anything to induce sleep. My method is SN and I was planning on getting Benzos, but haven't been successful. I'm starting to think, maybe I don't need them? Xanax takes anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour to work, and SN is supposed to make you pass out in 15 minutes. I have my meto. I'm planning on drinking 1 or 2 beers to alleviate anxiety. I'm not worried about vomiting because I've drunk straight up entire bottles of vodka and tequila in the past and haven't had an issue. Plus, I think 10 tablets of Xanax or other Benzos are more likely to induce vomit than 2 beers.

Your thoughts?

 

[SoupSnakes]

My deadline is tomorrow or Wednesday. No later than Wednesday. But I'm having two issues:

May I ask why this is your deadline?

Unfortunately, for #1, if you have family and friends who love you, this just isn't going to happen. They're going to be devastated because they're losing you, there's no way to go around that.
What is it that you've been lying about? Is there a way to rectify the lies before you CTB so that you feel a little more at peace with your decision?

I think if you are feeling this uncertain, maybe it's not the time?

 

[Crystal Labeija]

May I ask why this is your deadline?

Unfortunately, for #1, if you have family and friends who love you, this just isn't going to happen. They're going to be devastated because they're losing you, there's no way to go around that.
What is it that you've been lying about? Is there a way to rectify the lies before you CTB so that you feel a little more at peace with your decision?

I think if you are feeling this uncertain, maybe it's not the time?

My friends and family believe that I can heal and become better. If that's the case, then also can heal from the pain from my loss. If all pain is manageable, then the pain from my death should also be manageable. They also deserve a better family member/friend.

I have a major assignment due on Friday. I missed the initial deadline, but my professor was willing to give me more time and I don't want to miss again because I have zero motivation to do anything. Plus, it's a big assignment that requires hours of work.

 

[SoupSnakes]

My friends and family believe that I can heal and become better. If that's the case, then also can heal from the pain from my loss. If all pain is manageable, then the pain from my death should also be manageable. They also deserve a better family member/friend.

I have a major assignment due on Friday. I missed the initial deadline, but my professor was willing to give me more time and I don't want to miss again because I have zero motivation to do anything. Plus, it's a big assignment that requires hours of work.

I'm not saying they won't heal, eventually everyone does on some level. I'm just saying there could be ways of fixing it. Also try talking to your professor?
I just hope you're certain about your decision and at peace with it.

 

[Quax]

Your deadline is due to an assignment with your prof ? Are you really certain that this should be the final nail for your coffin? I mean it is totally your decision, but I don't know- really!?

 

[Crystal Labeija]

Your deadline is due to an assignment with your prof ? Are you really certain that this should be the final nail for your coffin? I mean it is totally your decision, but I don't know- really!?

I've been pushing the goal post for months now in the hopes that something will push me off the edge. It's either the assignment or the end of November (I'm being evicted).

 

[Quax]

Evicted from school or from home?

 

[Essence]

Perhaps wait until the end of November? I know that's not too far away, but ANYTHING can happen! What have yo got to lose? Your professor may be disappointed....ok, I am sure if your professor knew what you were going through inside, they would understand ( not suggesting you tell him/her anything!, just imagining that IF they knew, I'm willing to bet the assignment would be the least of their concern ). My advice for what it's worth re your family, talk to them now while you can, about the lies you mention, you still have some control if you talk now, if you don't then it may come out anyway when your gone. Regardless, you will always be remembered for your kindness, to those that matter I don't know what your going through, I can't know, as I am not walking in your shoes, I am sorry your in this position, and what ever happens I wish you peace and love my friend

 

[Crystal Labeija]

Evicted from school or from home?

Will be evicted form my apartment.

@Essence I see what you mean. It's just that I don't have the courage to do that. Plus, the lies have been ongoing for a looooooong time. I'm currently going to leave some bits and pieces as final acts of kindness so they would remember me for that.

 

[Essence]

Will be evicted form my apartment.

@Essence I see what you mean. It's just that I don't have the courage to do that. Plus, the lies have been ongoing for a looooooong time. I'm currently going to leave some bits and pieces as final acts of kindness so they would remember me for that.

Okay sweetie Light and peace to you

 

[JimFord99]

My deadline is tomorrow or Wednesday. No later than Wednesday. But I'm having two issues:

1. I'm worried about family & friends. I don't want to cause them any grief. I'm also worried about how they will react. I'm been lying to everyone about my life recently and I'm worried about them getting together and discovering what a massive liar I've been. I want to be remember for my kindness, not my lies.

2. I don't have anything to induce sleep. My method is SN and I was planning on getting Benzos, but haven't been successful. I'm starting to think, maybe I don't need them? Xanax takes anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour to work, and SN is supposed to make you pass out in 15 minutes. I have my meto. I'm planning on drinking 1 or 2 beers to alleviate anxiety. I'm not worried about vomiting because I've drunk straight up entire bottles of vodka and tequila in the past and haven't had an issue. Plus, I think 10 tablets of Xanax or other Benzos are more likely to induce vomit than 2 beers.

Your thoughts?

To you it won't matter how they will react, you will be dead. Surely, they will be devastated and upset. Naturally. You made your choice.

to induce sleep: this bothers me as well, I was thinking of taking Valium. However, some members advised not to.

 

[Soul]

@Crystal Labeija, I'm sorry you're struggling. I reckon anxiety isn't unusual when we're contemplating our life-and-death decisions, but if you don't feel ready please remember that there's no rush. The assignment and even the eviction don't count for much in comparison with suicide. Please take the time to do what you need to do to feel ready.

Whatever you decide, I wish you positive outcomes. Journey well x

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

My deadline is tomorrow or Wednesday. No later than Wednesday. But I'm having two issues:

1. I'm worried about family & friends. I don't want to cause them any grief. I'm also worried about how they will react. I'm been lying to everyone about my life recently and I'm worried about them getting together and discovering what a massive liar I've been. I want to be remember for my kindness, not my lies.

2. I don't have anything to induce sleep. My method is SN and I was planning on getting Benzos, but haven't been successful. I'm starting to think, maybe I don't need them? Xanax takes anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour to work, and SN is supposed to make you pass out in 15 minutes. I have my meto. I'm planning on drinking 1 or 2 beers to alleviate anxiety. I'm not worried about vomiting because I've drunk straight up entire bottles of vodka and tequila in the past and haven't had an issue. Plus, I think 10 tablets of Xanax or other Benzos are more likely to induce vomit than 2 beers.

Your thoughts?

1) I guess our worrying about those we care for and their being upset after are givens. I don't know any sure way to alleviate either. As much as I can, I understand. :-(

2) You're a lot tougher than me. I've chickened out from the drugs methods... But it sounds like from your past experiences, you're confident you won't vomit. I really envy you that. Whatever you decide, I hope things go peacefully for you.

 

[k75]

I'm not trying to stop you or anything, but I really think it might not be the right time for you since you're having so many doubts. Maybe you should take a breather and make sure this is what you really want?

Also alcohol with SN is not a good idea. It will increase the chances of vomiting despite Meto, at the very least.

 

[Crystal Labeija]

1) I guess our worrying about those we care for and their being upset after are givens. I don't know any sure way to alleviate either. As much as I can, I understand. :-(

2) You're a lot tougher than me. I've chickened out from the drugs methods... But it sounds like from your past experiences, you're confident you won't vomit. I really envy you that. Whatever you decide, I hope things go peacefully for you.

I definitely have a strong stomach. I remember one Saturday where I drank vodka and wine all day on an empty stomach, and didn't vomit. Plus, I'm alcohol dependent and for the past 3 months, I've been drinking 6 - 8 beers on empty stomach and hard having a hangover.

However, given the recent success stories, I think the vomiting thing might be exaggerated.

 

[sequesther]

Your situ sounds eerily like mine...the lying to family and friends for ages, eviction (for me it'll be the 3rd one since I foreclosed on my home in 2014 ), an imminent deadline, fear of methods failing.

Except that you sound quite young(ish) — undergrad or grad student age? — and I'm almost 49. I'm sorry it has gotten to the point of no turning back for both of us. My deadline is tomorrow afternoon because my sister arrives from overseas in the evening.

What other methods if any have you considered? I researched for months and have settled on suspension hanging (it's really strangulation via compression of the carotid arteries).

Sounds awful until you dig deep into all the available info and realize that it's cheap (nothing to buy unless you don't own a belt or necktie or rope), easy as it only requires a strong anchored support (who doesn't live someplace without a sturdy hanging rod in one or all of their closets?) and effective = fast and relatively painless (15 seconds give or take until full loss of consciousness followed by 20 minutes to complete and irreversible brain and body death). No need to induce sleep unless 15 seconds is too long for you.

I've set up everything and feel enormously at peace with this right now. I leave behind confessional suicide notes to my family and closest friends for closure, and instructions for 911 responders to make sure my dog is taken care of until my family arrives to presumably identify my body and take care of all the nitty gritty details.

I'll settle down and have a last cuddle session with my furry friend, drink copious amounts of vodka and smoke a few joints to take the edge off before I welcome oblivion.

Also IMHO any sort of medication overdose is risky in terms of certainty of death versus ending up in hospital with long-term or permanent brain and/or liver damage. Statistically speaking, popping a bunch of pills is one of the least successful methods and takes a long time to complete.

I wish you well for what it's worth and hope you find peace at the end.