Help My current situation. In need of friend!

[DemonicAngel]

I haven't been a member very long but I do really love it here. I feel completely comfortable here, definitely more comfortable than with my own therapist. I learned a long time ago that when they tell you that you can tell them anything that's a crock of shit. It it About ten years ago I told my therapist that I was feeling suicidal and the men in the nice white coats came and took me away. In total I've been in the psych ward six times. Some for actual suicide attempts others were just being suicidal. I can say with 100% truth I hate psych wards, they make me more miserable than I was to start with. Anyways I'm 32 and also about ten years ago the love of my life left me. Since then I haven't been able to make relationships work. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone, if I live that is. I've been on disability since I was 16. I can't work due to mental health issues and I have screws in my spine. In other words I don't make a lot of money. My mom is on disability too, so I live with her. My big brother is my best friend well really my only friend. He lives here too. My mom is an alcoholic, she is emotionally and mentally abusive. I live in fear all the time. I can hardly eat or sleep. I'm on lists for low income housing but they said it could take a year or two. My brother is moving to another state soon to be with his girlfriend. He says I can come but I know I can't. It may sound stupid but I think I I'd rather not have him in my life at all than to share him all the time. Our time together is so special to me and knowing I'll never have it again is devastating. I have no good solution except to CTB. Ill be miserable moving there, I'll be miserable o my own, and I am definitely miserable here. I have my SN but every time I plan on doing it I picture my brother being heartbroken and my cat would have no one. I'm so lost and confused. I feel helpless . Anyone interested in talking? I could use a friend.



Real quick a few things about me: 32 F USA I love Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Supernatural, Creative Writing, Cats



*Melyssa*

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I bring you this cat.

 

[Passersby]

Hi Melyssa,
Sorry you are feeling this way and are in this type of situation. I can relate to some of those issues as well. I've been trying for yrs but I never get anywhere. Yes I love this place as well! I had recently taken a break trying to recover but I am back because I always fail. If you feel like talking feel free to pm me. As of 2/27/2021 I'm still alive too.

 

[Echo]

Hi Melyssa

I am sorry you are in this situation.

I felt very alone too until i found this forum and it really doesn't take long to settle in and get comfortable, does it? :-)

Feeling so awful and miserable and in pain too- it's exhausting, isn't it? I have been escaping a lot back into Supernatural lately and fixating on Sam's journey with pain and when Lucifer was in his head.. (I'm a "Sam Girl") I feel like i can relate in some way... and maybe i can find a way- some teeny itty bitty way, maybe, to hang on a little longer .... I want to outlive my dog- so i am hanging on by a thread right now, because he deserves my loyalty to the end of his days (he is very bonded to me... and gets separation anxiety) If i ctb before he goes he will not do well.

However i will ctb once he's passed on.

And here i am.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I'd be happy to make another friend.

 

[Mentalmick]

I bring you this cat.

That's not a cat^

this is a cat, and you know the person taking the photo died a fraction of a second after taking it. Died horribly.

 

[fastFWD]

my kinda cat^^

 

[Mentalmick]

^ And he/she is thinking "what the hell is that down there?"

 

[DemonicAngel]

We have 3 cats but 1 is 100% mine. We found her outside right before a record breaking winter. She was only 4 weeks old and 1 pound 3 ounces. Her mother was no where in site. The vet said she wouldn't make it outside and might not anyways since she didn't have her mom's milk. I have loved her since, and she loves me. If I'm crying she sits me and nudges my head with hers. She gets scared very easy though. If we have anyone at house or of thunderstorms. She hides, and won't even come out for food or treats. That's a major reason I can't move with my brother. It's a six hour to where he's moving, I cannot put that poor angel in a cat carrier for 6 hrs listening to her crying. Plus once we got there she would still be scared. A new place, new people and a 6 hr drive? I can't...There are two reasons I'm still alive my brother and my cat but it seems either way I'm going to have to sacrifice one of them.
Here's a pic of my cat Libby



And my tat of the same pic just animated which is why the head is big and stuff

Hi Melyssa

I am sorry you are in this situation.

I felt very alone too until i found this forum and it really doesn't take long to settle in and get comfortable, does it? :-)

Feeling so awful and miserable and in pain too- it's exhausting, isn't it? I have been escaping a lot back into Supernatural lately and fixating on Sam's journey with pain and when Lucifer was in his head.. (I'm a "Sam Girl") I feel like i can relate in some way... and maybe i can find a way- some teeny itty bitty way, maybe, to hang on a little longer .... I want to outlive my dog- so i am hanging on by a thread right now, because he deserves my loyalty to the end of his days (he is very bonded to me... and gets separation anxiety) If i ctb before he goes he will not do well.

However i will ctb once he's passed on.

And here i am.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I'd be happy to make another friend.

Have you ever met the cast? Jared is the greatest. He cares so much about people and gives the biggest hugs. After he went public with his own struggle with depression and anxiety I felt safe telling him a little about myself and he was very sweet.

 

[Echo]

We have 3 cats but 1 is 100% mine. We found her outside right before a record breaking winter. She was only 4 weeks old and 1 pound 3 ounces. Her mother was no where in site. The vet said she wouldn't make it outside and might not anyways since she didn't have her mom's milk. I have loved her since, and she loves me. If I'm crying she sits me and nudges my head with hers. She gets scared very easy though. If we have anyone at house or of thunderstorms. She hides, and won't even come out for food or treats. That's a major reason I can't move with my brother. It's a six hour to where he's moving, I cannot put that poor angel in a cat carrier for 6 hrs listening to her crying. Plus once we got there she would still be scared. A new place, new people and a 6 hr drive? I can't...There are two reasons I'm still alive my brother and my cat but it seems either way I'm going to have to sacrifice one of them.
Here's a pic of my cat Libby
View attachment 61747


And my tat of the same pic just animated which is why the head is big and stuffView attachment 61745

Have you ever met the cast? Jared is the greatest. He cares so much about people and gives the biggest hugs. After he went public with his own struggle with depression and anxiety I felt safe telling him a little about myself and he was very sweet.

Hi your cat is adorable and i love your tattoo! I have quite a few tattoos myself. Here is an older picture... my tribal wolf's head on one wrist (depending on how i twist my wrist he howls), and the paw prints that represent my first dog (rip) on the other.



I had cats for many years, they have all either passed on from good old age or a couple sadly from terminal illness. Interesting isn't it how we can do right by our beloved pets and release them of their suffering yet we can't help ourselves legally/socially acceptably?

No, i've never had chance to meet the cast though they've been to my city several times... I just can't afford the fee for the entry and opportunity. (I'm also on disability and have been since i was a te

Jared seems like such an awesome guy- i'm not surprised at all that he was so gentle with you.

Here's a complimentary Jared pic i I thought it was a nice one!

 

[DemonicAngel]

Hi your cat is adorable and i love your tattoo! I have quite a few tattoos myself. Here is an older picture... my tribal wolf's head on one wrist (depending on how i twist my wrist he howls), and the paw prints that represent my first dog (rip) on the other.

View attachment 61751

I had cats for many years, they have all either passed on from good old age or a couple sadly from terminal illness. Interesting isn't it how we can do right by our beloved pets and release them of their suffering yet we can't help ourselves legally/socially acceptably?

No, i've never had chance to meet the cast though they've been to my city several times... I just can't afford the fee for the entry and opportunity. (I'm also on disability and have been since i was a te

Jared seems like such an awesome guy- i'm not surprised at all that he was so gentle with you.

Here's a complimentary Jared pic i I thought it was a nice one!

View attachment 61752

Yes it's horriblely expensive, the guys have talked about how much money it is and position that it puts their fans in but they are under contract. The only way I was able to go was after my dad died, I used some of his life insurance money. It was 3 days worth or fun, autographs, and pictures. There was probably like 10,000-20,000 people there and I have anxiety so I had to have a friend take me everywhere like to the bathroom and my hotel room incase I had a panic attack.

I like your tats! I love tattoos, I have 13 I want more I just don't know where else I'd put them.

 

[whywere]

WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide new global family member!!! It is GREAT to have you! My wish for you is that you find the love, caring, empathy, kindness and support to help you , as I have. I to am disabilied since a bad car crash, not my fault, it was the other driver, and i have 24/7 chronic pain. Both of my "parents" were the worst to me so I truly feel for you, heck we could almost be twins on some of these aspects! I try and hop on here as much as possible, and please feel free to message me if you want to talk. I am here for you. Again, WELCOME and it is so great and makes me so happy to be able to call you a global family member!!!! Walter

 

[Mentalmick]

We have 3 cats but 1 is 100% mine. We found her outside right before a record breaking winter. She was only 4 weeks old and 1 pound 3 ounces. Her mother was no where in site. The vet said she wouldn't make it outside and might not anyways since she didn't have her mom's milk. I have loved her since, and she loves me. If I'm crying she sits me and nudges my head with hers. She gets scared very easy though. If we have anyone at house or of thunderstorms. She hides, and won't even come out for food or treats. That's a major reason I can't move with my brother. It's a six hour to where he's moving, I cannot put that poor angel in a cat carrier for 6 hrs listening to her crying. Plus once we got there she would still be scared. A new place, new people and a 6 hr drive? I can't...There are two reasons I'm still alive my brother and my cat but it seems either way I'm going to have to sacrifice one of them.
Here's a pic of my cat Libby
View attachment 61747


And my tat of the same pic just animated which is why the head is big and stuffView attachment 61745

Have you ever met the cast? Jared is the greatest. He cares so much about people and gives the biggest hugs. After he went public with his own struggle with depression and anxiety I felt safe telling him a little about myself and he was very sweet.

Couldn't you get your cat sedated for the trip? I know it would be difficult for her to begin with but she would adjust. Animals are amazing like that. That's why the human species has to go in my opinion.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Can I draw whiskers on my face and get the vet to give me pentobarbital?

 

[Mentalmick]

Can I draw whiskers on my face and get the vet to give me pentobarbital?

Worth a try. Or point a gun at him, the end result is the same. Or do both.

 

[DemonicAngel]

Couldn't you get your cat sedated for the trip? I know it would be difficult for her to begin with but she would adjust. Animals are amazing like that. That's why the human species has to go in my opinion.

I don't have a vet, I probably couldn't afford it and it would kill me to see her hiding and not eating. She is only one of the reasons I can't go. I'm on methadone, I have to go to a clinic every 13 days and get my bottles. There's like 2 clinics in that state both too far. I'll be on method one most likely the rest of my life I've been going to my clinic 5 years. I have many health issues, take tons of meds and see lots of specialists. It would suck to have to get all new drs. Also like I said I think it would be too hard on me to share my time with my brother. I'd never have time with just me and him anymore. It would be Her and him and her kids and me. He will make sure I'm taken care of before he moves though. I don't make enough for any apartment to accept me so he said he'd put his name on there too. He's even going to send me money every month to help with the rent. I'm just going to miss him so much, he is my only friend. Every day he gets home from work and we hangout until he has to go to sleep. Man this suck, I don't handle change well. It definitely helps having the sn... knowing the moment it becomes too much for me, I can go.

 

[Echo]

Yes it's horriblely expensive, the guys have talked about how much money it is and position that it puts their fans in but they are under contract. The only way I was able to go was after my dad died, I used some of his life insurance money. It was 3 days worth or fun, autographs, and pictures. There was probably like 10,000-20,000 people there and I have anxiety so I had to have a friend take me everywhere like to the bathroom and my hotel room incase I had a panic attack.

I like your tats! I love tattoos, I have 13 I want more I just don't know where else I'd put them.

I have 20 and i keep finding room for more lol!!

 

[clueless2dayor2morro]

hey there. thanks for sharing your story. going to a psych ward 6x is 6x too many. i'm terrified of the men in white, especially since i don't have health insurance. not only do i imagine it hurting the wallet but also it just sets everything back rather than help. i wish we could be honest with therapists about suicidal ideation. i find it disheartening we can't be honest to get the help we need but i know honesty is key to getting help in therapy (or so i've heard). i've never been honest in therapy sessions and hearing stories like these (which are many) makes it so i'll never be honest with a therapist. it sucks.

did you have to pay for your stays in the psych wards? it would be a double whammy to my wallet if i had to be paying a therapist and paying for a psych ward once i inevitably slip up one of these times.

 

[DemonicAngel]

I have 20 and i keep finding room for more lol!!

This is on my left forearm can you guess what it is?

 

[Echo]

This is on my left forearm can you guess what it is?View attachment 62077

OMG awesome!!!

 

[autisticalex]

I'll be your friend if you can look past my autism