Hpeflly ths wll gve u sme comfrt
If ur cnnct grp r nt equippd 2 spport u thru suicdl thghts c u spk 2 a locl pastr or priest
"
1 LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.
2 Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long?
4 Turn, LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name. Who praises you from the grave?
6 I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes.
8 Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping.
9 The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish; they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame."
Bible verses about Thoughts Of Suicide
www.openbible.info
I guess the pastor tries to help, it's just me failing to change, I guess, I am responsible for how I feel and the troubles I have... Struggling in an out of suicidal depression and attempts, which is near constant now.... It grates on them.
But usually they only want you to change within a normal limit. I need a radical overhaul if there's any hope. To go back to my roots of nature and long ambling walking journeys.. but idk, if I tap out of life and go and explore the world with a rucksack on my back, they'll just think I'm a freak and so on... Idk, I shouldn't care at this point...
Its just I can't deal with switched on, city, no peace, sexually inappropriate NHS colleagues, and the societal expectation, on top of the flashbacks and voices, and the police mess..
Ik, it's all excuses, I know my trauma shouldn't affect me. I loved to be out in nature as a kid and didn't feel weird, but now people judge and get jealous and are all sorts of confusing... And I've never really understood it.
Idk, and lastly, it's hard as I'm allergic to the sun and with disability to go outside. Its crippling to have anxiety over such things, but I have had pulmonary and brain haemmorrhages from the sun, never mind my skin blistering to shreds.. with SPF 50 reapplied 8 times daily and hats and umbrellas etc. tis a nightmare....
And well, living, going outside, being healthy, doing things, was just so heavily attacked, that in my week and a half long flashback mayhem, makes me freaked, I don't want to be tortured, locked up, assaulted and degraded for doing so ... It shouldn't happen, but that fear is really hard to discount.
No Christians get it all right, I guess. Like a wayside pulpit I saw said, "No one too bad to come in ... No one too good to stay out".
Yeah that's definitely true ..
My history with the church is up and down.
My belief in God is still there, but fear is crippling me to death.
Paedophiles were in my church, they were our elders and youth leader when I was growing up. And my family lead youth and worship, and are safeguarders, alpha course leaders and so on, and they took are paedophiles and terrible abusers.
They convince people I'm inhabited by a legion of demons etc. to basically invalidate everything they do and did. The exorcisms in my teens were particularly gruelling.
.
