Venting My body is failing me but not in a fatal way

[deletedaccount30982]

My physical health has taken a drastic drop these past 4 or so months, seemingly unrelated to the ways I was torturing myself last year. It's hard to say if any of what I did may be related to all of the overdosing and other things I was doing to myself. It certainly could be. Yet it could also be completely unrelated. I am quickly becoming disabled to the point that even a quick trip to the library or store are enough to wipe me out for the rest of the day in a horrible flare. I'm seeing specialists but testing is a slog and answers never come quickly. I don't believe whatever is wrong is likely to be terminal, but definitely enough to negate my quality of life.

The universe is really into sick jokes isn't it? My mental health, while not good by any means, is as stable as it's been in years. And so my physical health has to take a massive hit. Because why should I be allowed to just be? I don't know what god I have angered or what I am receiving karma for or who has a voodoo doll of me, but I would like it to end. How much suffering must one person endure?

 

[strawberry_lemons]

Hi! I became progressively disabled over the course of my freshman year of highschool, it was rough i felt lost and alone it still is incredibly hard, and god diagnosis i feel that, based on your vague descriptions id look up elhers danlos or pots

 

[astr4]

i'm so sorry. i wish there was just an easy way to get out. you've been suffering for so long and put your body through so much… i wish you could just get the peace you desire.

 

[unluckysadness]

I became disabled progressively too. These fucking muscle spasms and the physical pain are just horrible. And I have other physical and huge mental health issues. It's really cruel when you're forced to kill yourself because too much pain. I hope that ill people in the future will get access to euthanasia easily if they ask for it. I hope they will remember us like "oh all these poor people in the past who were forced to kill themselves". We're fucked, let's hope the next generation will suffer less than us.

 

[madameviolette]

I became disabled progressively too. These fucking muscle spasms and the physical pain are just horrible. And I have other physical and huge mental health issues. It's really cruel when you're forced to kill yourself because too much pain. I hope that ill people in the future will get access to euthanasia easily if they ask for it. I hope they will remember us like "oh all these poor people in the past who were forced to kill themselves". We're fucked, let's hope the next generation will suffer less than us.

I'm sorry. I suffer from insane spasms too. Are yours unknown cause or med induced ?

 

[SASU-KE]

I became disabled progressively too. These fucking muscle spasms and the physical pain are just horrible. And I have other physical and huge mental health issues. It's really cruel when you're forced to kill yourself because too much pain. I hope that ill people in the future will get access to euthanasia easily if they ask for it. I hope they will remember us like "oh all these poor people in the past who were forced to kill themselves". We're fucked, let's hope the next generation will suffer less than us.

I have a feeling eventually when the global population gets to a certain tipping point that the powers that be will start giving people the option of euthanasia.Probably another 10 or 15 years. There are other possibilities as well.

something else like N could come out and be readily available.

Another possibility is An organization like Dignitas or Pegasos, but affordable and with less hoops to jump through might also be established. Fingers crossed.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm sorry. I suffer from insane spasms too. Are yours unknown cause or med induced ?

No it is because too much stress at work and other problems but not because of meds. I don't want Botox because it doesn't work.
I'm sorry for you too. Dystonia is just like hell.

 

[Xiaojiu]

I'm so sorry :( I have progressive chronic illnesses and degenerative chronic pain conditions which brought me to this site. It sucks being in so much pain all the time not able to live life like I want to

 

[madameviolette]

No it is because too much stress at work and other problems but not because of meds. I don't want Botox because it doesn't work.
I'm sorry for you too. Dystonia is just like hell.

I didn't know you could get dystonia naturally. Are yours body wide or in the neck only ? I'm sorry too, they wake me up during the night

 

[unluckysadness]

I didn't know you could get dystonia naturally. Are yours body wide or in the neck only ? I'm sorry too, they wake me up during the night

Only spams on my neck but my whole body hurts. I got cervical dystonia maily because of a bad position on the computer at work for years + huge constant stress and pain = my brain is ruined and developed dystonia. Emotional stress is a well known cause.

 

[dontwakemeup]

For the people who are in chronic pain, do the pain medication work for you? I'm in chronic pain but at the point the medication isn't working anymore. I just need a break from this pain, it's going to drive me insane! I'm sorry for anyone who can relate to this post. Living with chronic pain makes people depressed and suicidal!

 

[Green Destiny]

My body is too beginning to fail. Working a very labor intensive job the last 13 years has finally started to catch up on me. The joints in my hands hurt and a disc in my lower back is starting to bother me a lot. I'm really scared of being in pain and or getting addicted to prescribed pain killers if it gets to that point.

 

[-RedBirdOnASkull-]

I live with chronic pain since 4 years now, I have fibromyalgia, and Pudendal nerve pain that doesn't let me seat since then.
It's an hard and trying hell of a life without the possibility to rest, not even for a moment.

Before my body pain worsen, last year I still could function a bit even without the possibility of sitting on a chair. But slowly during the past year i developed chronic pain all over my upper body.
It's winter now and I cannot wear a jacket to go out and take even a little walk because the weight of the jacket kills me.

Some days I'm just so tired of living this life... everything became so difficult since then, I cannot even be touch by my mother, because of the pain and the burning sensations that I feel all over, and she only want to hug me sometimes, but just can't let anyone come close to me because I'm just afraid of the pain right now.

Yes I've tried every meds but I just feel worse, I'm too sensible to side effects.
Now I'm trying one last thing, like a diet for the leaky gut.
But this is the last one, I'm making my plans, because I want to be ready when I start to feel that desperation inside again.

There's only one good things that is coming out of this, I'm starting to lose my fears, because I don't have anything left to lose, I hope that this will come handy when I'll hang myself from a tree.