Discussion Moments of sudden realization.. "holy shit, I'm really doing this"

[doingitrighthistime]

Hi, all. Wondering if anyone else is having a similar experience.

I'm sitting here, admittedly high as balls, and it just hit me.
Holy shit. I am actually going to kill myself.
Just the reality and gravity of that hit me like a ton of bricks. Part of me is panicking, but the other part is just like, damn.

 

[1043169]

I hope you find peace in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Yes I've had a couple of moments like that as I wait for my date.

If you've never tried before, it's a completely new concept that you have to wrap your head around.

I wonder if that's part of the reason why someone who has already attempted once is much more likely to attempt again - you've already come to terms with it and have already "gone through with it" once. But I'm just speculating, as I haven't attempted before

 

[hematomatema]

Had this moment last night, actually. Broke down a little, because I suddenly got hit with the existential crisis of death, and how, even though I can't keep going on, I really like life. Was mostly panic for me but I got over it. I think.

I wonder if that's part of the reason why someone who has already attempted once is much more likely to attempt again - you've already come to terms with it and have already "gone through with it" once. But I'm just speculating, as I haven't attempted before

Honestly, I'm not sure. I think the majority of attempts are repeated due to recurring mental illness (if you go so far as to want to commit suicide, chances are you're in a bit too deep when it comes to being coo-coo at that point.) I've attempted before and I only really grasped that, holy shit, I would be dead, I won't be able to experience life ever again (maybe?) if I'm dead, last night. Never thought about it on the first attempt. Everyone's different though, and I suppose it depends on what goes on between attempts. My life was quite nice in between attempts so maybe I got a renewed perspective that someone with far more 'intense' mental illness/apathy towards life would not feel, resulting in me re-evaluating what my suicide would mean, while they would have kept up their acceptance of death due to their unchanging stance/feelings towards life.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Honestly, I'm not sure. I think the majority of attempts are repeated due to recurring mental illness (if you go so far as to want to commit suicide, chances are you're in a bit too deep when it comes to being coo-coo at that point.) I've attempted before and I only really grasped that, holy shit, I would be dead, I won't be able to experience life ever again (maybe?) if I'm dead, last night. Never thought about it on the first attempt. Everyone's different though, and I suppose it depends on what goes on between attempts. My life was quite nice in between attempts so maybe I got a renewed perspective that someone with far more 'intense' mental illness/apathy towards life would not feel, resulting in me re-evaluating what my suicide would mean, while they would have kept up their acceptance of death due to their unchanging stance/feelings towards life.

That makes sense, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you had to experience it once but glad you were able to have a time where life was nice.