Ever since I was a kid, I think I have been impressively difficult to be with. I have been walking differently, been in a different mental state than others, had radically different opinions, would cry easily and be very pitiful
But even though I didn't have many I could call friends, I made sure to be considerate towards all who were near me because I found it to be the more rational choice.
Now that the gap between me and everyone else has furthered and it is unbearable for people to be with me even more. Even now, continuously I try my best all the time. Try to do everything for them, take up responsibilities for the sake of the people near me. And they do try to notice it, but they can't help it. I am just someone they can't help but see as means to an end.
And I can't take this anymore. I try to be there for them in the slightest of their difficulties but nobody seems to take any interest in reciprocating and giving me attention back too. I thought I could live on like this forever but at this point I do not see how much longer I can take any of this.
I have zero competence. I lack one thing I can be confident in. I can't maintain personal hygeine. I still pick my nose, people who start hobbies after me surpass me instantly. I know nothing of value. I might genuinely be subhuman in its trust aspect.
I hate how I look when I am walking with anterior pelvic tilt, I hate how my hand is kept when I am idling. I hate how I have gynaecomastia and my father laughed at me and told me to earn money by myself and get surgery done, I hate how I have some urinary incontinence problem and I have to wear a handkerchief inside to soak it because I can't get medical treatment. I hate how I am going deaf and I can't get medical treatment.
It's as if everyone does agree on the fact that my existence is a painful sight and my proximity is difficult to endure. And maybe they are correct. I might genuinely have no real place in this world. But why don't they realize I have no alternative? I understand why they would forsake me but I just can't cease to have ever existed. And on top of that making fun of suicides.
And the worst part is I still know I will continue to live on like this tomorrow, and then tomorrow again, then tomorrow again. Hating myself, hurting myself, skipping meals, allowing myself to be used for the sake of others.
I am just so done with life. Now would be the perfect time to CTB for me. But I know I won't.
Pls recommend me medication to numb my pain and prolong my suffering.
But even though I didn't have many I could call friends, I made sure to be considerate towards all who were near me because I found it to be the more rational choice.
Now that the gap between me and everyone else has furthered and it is unbearable for people to be with me even more. Even now, continuously I try my best all the time. Try to do everything for them, take up responsibilities for the sake of the people near me. And they do try to notice it, but they can't help it. I am just someone they can't help but see as means to an end.
And I can't take this anymore. I try to be there for them in the slightest of their difficulties but nobody seems to take any interest in reciprocating and giving me attention back too. I thought I could live on like this forever but at this point I do not see how much longer I can take any of this.
I have zero competence. I lack one thing I can be confident in. I can't maintain personal hygeine. I still pick my nose, people who start hobbies after me surpass me instantly. I know nothing of value. I might genuinely be subhuman in its trust aspect.
I hate how I look when I am walking with anterior pelvic tilt, I hate how my hand is kept when I am idling. I hate how I have gynaecomastia and my father laughed at me and told me to earn money by myself and get surgery done, I hate how I have some urinary incontinence problem and I have to wear a handkerchief inside to soak it because I can't get medical treatment. I hate how I am going deaf and I can't get medical treatment.
It's as if everyone does agree on the fact that my existence is a painful sight and my proximity is difficult to endure. And maybe they are correct. I might genuinely have no real place in this world. But why don't they realize I have no alternative? I understand why they would forsake me but I just can't cease to have ever existed. And on top of that making fun of suicides.
And the worst part is I still know I will continue to live on like this tomorrow, and then tomorrow again, then tomorrow again. Hating myself, hurting myself, skipping meals, allowing myself to be used for the sake of others.
I am just so done with life. Now would be the perfect time to CTB for me. But I know I won't.
Pls recommend me medication to numb my pain and prolong my suffering.
