Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
Has anyone looked at their medical records? In my country we have access to all documentation by law and it's available online, and the other day I decided to have a look. It was quite an interesting read, actually.
Something I find peculiar is how they evaluate my behavior at every meeting, but I assume it's standard procedure. I'm regularly described as being "focused", "coherent", "insightful", "knowledgeable", and "open to getting help", as well as having "fine eye contact" and being "tidy in appearance". Something that made me laugh is that I at one occasion was talking "fast and without interruption" and denying that I was having a hypomanic episode. To the best of recollection, I didn't have one, but I can't be sure.
They are obviously not infallible. The medical records say that I use "capsules of poppy pods" and "Chartoum", i.e. kratom, as self-medication. A distant relative of mine in the USA committed suicide, the only indication of mental illness among all my relatives. In the medical records it says that he was bipolar for some reason. The diagnosis they've given me is "bipolar disorder, light to medium depression". I wonder what's "light to medium" about my suicidality, which I'm candid about, and my two suicide attempts. What's beyond that?
Being bipolar, it's interesting to see how my mood fluctuates. Sometimes I'm "in a good mood", sometimes I have "depressive thoughts". They evaluate the risk of suicide to be low, medium, and high at different occasions. Something which is emphasized is that I don't have immediate plans to kill myself. That they know that I've chosen my means of suicide and stated that I probably will kill myself sooner or later is evidently not considered that serious. A couple of times my family situation, or rather lack thereof, is mentioned, which is significant. Being bipolar and male and not having a family, I'm statistically at maximum risk of suicide.
I could go on about this forever and it's probably only interesting to me. My point is that if you have access to your medical records it might be worth having a look.
Something I find peculiar is how they evaluate my behavior at every meeting, but I assume it's standard procedure. I'm regularly described as being "focused", "coherent", "insightful", "knowledgeable", and "open to getting help", as well as having "fine eye contact" and being "tidy in appearance". Something that made me laugh is that I at one occasion was talking "fast and without interruption" and denying that I was having a hypomanic episode. To the best of recollection, I didn't have one, but I can't be sure.
They are obviously not infallible. The medical records say that I use "capsules of poppy pods" and "Chartoum", i.e. kratom, as self-medication. A distant relative of mine in the USA committed suicide, the only indication of mental illness among all my relatives. In the medical records it says that he was bipolar for some reason. The diagnosis they've given me is "bipolar disorder, light to medium depression". I wonder what's "light to medium" about my suicidality, which I'm candid about, and my two suicide attempts. What's beyond that?
Being bipolar, it's interesting to see how my mood fluctuates. Sometimes I'm "in a good mood", sometimes I have "depressive thoughts". They evaluate the risk of suicide to be low, medium, and high at different occasions. Something which is emphasized is that I don't have immediate plans to kill myself. That they know that I've chosen my means of suicide and stated that I probably will kill myself sooner or later is evidently not considered that serious. A couple of times my family situation, or rather lack thereof, is mentioned, which is significant. Being bipolar and male and not having a family, I'm statistically at maximum risk of suicide.
I could go on about this forever and it's probably only interesting to me. My point is that if you have access to your medical records it might be worth having a look.