Venting Medical records freak me out in general

[lachrymost]

Hoping for some sympathy from the like-minded, maybe.

I hate being perceived and judged, especially by doctors. I hate that permanent records consisting of narratives various doctors have attached to me exist and get passed around to every doctor I'll have to see forever. They're entirely in control and it's their narrative that's seen as authorative. I understand most of it is a necessary evil, but it makes me sick. I'm appalled that doctors are making judgements about the way I look and dress and writing that shit down like it's gospel gossip.

And psychiatric records cause me a new radical level of pain. I never would have consented to psychiatry if I knew what they would say about me. I only saw some of my records a few times and even though I know unsavoury judgements that could be used against me have probably been recorded since then, (last psychiatrist ended up hating my guts) I can't bring myself to read them. Last time I saw that I had been diagnosed with two personality disorders that no one had ever disclosed to me (and I've even done therapy that is contraindicated in people with personality disorders) and a substance abuse issue that I decidedly did not have. If I knew they could diagnose me with something that could bias subsequent physicians against me and not even give me a heads up, I never would have talked to a single one of these fuckers. I only disclosed my most intimate thoughts to them under duress, since I had to in order to get the meds they had me invest false hope in. If I demurred they would always push for more.

My skin is crawling all the time and my heart is broken. I know I am way too sensitive to be alive. I just want out.

 

[alonely]

I hate medical records too. Huge reason that I've never gotten professional help. I hate how it can limit future options, like buying certain things, getting certain jobs, living in certain countries. I'm not about to give up all of those things just for some shitty talking that's not gonna help, being force-fed medications that aren't going to help, years of trying without getting anywhere in the medical system. I'd rather die.

 

[lachrymost]

I hate medical records too. Huge reason that I've never gotten professional help. I hate how it can limit future options, like buying certain things, getting certain jobs, living in certain countries. I'm not about to give up all of those things just for some shitty talking that's not gonna help, being force-fed medications that aren't going to help, years of trying without getting anywhere in the medical system. I'd rather die.

Thanks for replying. I'm just one case, but this attitude would have saved my life. It's sickening that we aren't warned properly about the potential consequences.