Venting maybe i’m more parasocial than i thought.

[butterbutter143]

me and my ex have a class together, and in that class today i talked to her. we have been basically avoiding each other for days, plus she blocked me on whatsapp (and if I messaged her on any other platforms she probably would have blocked me on those too) so this was the only way i could talk to her, pretty much.

i have to admit, we both hurt each other a lot in our relationship. i guess it was for the better that we broke up, but goddamn i still care about her a lot. i was still in love with her too before she shattered my heart into a million pieces today (we had already been split for a few weeks prior to this though). you know, after everything we went through, all the good and the bad, you would expect her to still care about me right? except she doesn't. she doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore. actually, she fucking laughed in my face when i told her i wanted to have a serious conversation with her (i know class probably wasn't the best place to do it but i mean cut me some slack lol).

she told me that she had moved on during the last leg of our relationship, which us fair i guess. although she is the type of person to linger about things. but i still don't understand how you can just go to not caring about someone so quickly. and me? i can't bring myself to stop caring about her, i mean god forbid i love with my whole heart come on man. it's not fucking fair. i've basically been isolating myself from my friends for a while now, and i feel like shit for only talking to them when i want to vent. i know i'm being a shitty friend. although, i had been getting better until i talked to her today, as i had high hopes that we could end this all on a good note and i could finally have closure.

but did i really hurt her so bad that she cant even see me as someone worthy of care anymore? were all those times comforting me on the brink of suicide all because if something happened to me she didn't want it to be her fault? she's so happy without me. but she hurt me too and i have to shoulder all of the pain? hell, she traumatised me for fuck's sakes because she lied to me about caring and loving me for the last few months of our relationship. i honestly just want to end my shit i really cant do this anymore, and i especially can't be seeing her every day like this (we share a friend group). fuck. how can she be so cruel i don't understand.

 

[woofwag]

Oof, do I relate to this. Had a relationship similar where we both hurt each other a lot. We actually both traumatized each other in a number of ways. It was toxic, it was a disaster, and it was painfully addicting. It always hurts to let go of, but yeah, end of the day, it is for the best. I do actually still have some contact with them though. It took a long time of us being apart for us to open up to the idea of being friends again. We still have distance, but it is possible to have a connection someday. But I think for right now it is clear that distance is what she wants, and I think even if it weren't, it would still be the best decision for you both.

I have a feeling she isn't as moved on as she says she is. There's a good likelihood that her saying that is a mask to cover up the pain and to try to make distance not only one option, but the only option. That's what happened in my previous relationship at least, on both of our ends. I've noticed it's pretty common among those more toxic relationships.

I convinced myself of it, too. Told myself I was totally done with them, that the only feelings I had for them were resentment for what they had done to me, but actually even that I didn't care about that much, and that I had moved on from it all. Which was not true. I just wanted so badly to believe it was. I think it's honestly a good thing you aren't doing that. It hurts to feel it, but I had to face the reality that I still deeply cared about them and the relationship we had in order to truly move on. And to forge a newer, better connection with them.

I hope you can offer yourself some kindness to yourself in feeling this. Especially seeing her every day must not make it easy on you. And maybe if you're able to, get a chance to talk to your friends about it and try to see if you can hang around them at times when she's not there. I am wishing you the best <3

 

[butterbutter143]

Oof, do I relate to this. Had a relationship similar where we both hurt each other a lot. We actually both traumatized each other in a number of ways. It was toxic, it was a disaster, and it was painfully addicting. It always hurts to let go of, but yeah, end of the day, it is for the best. I do actually still have some contact with them though. It took a long time of us being apart for us to open up to the idea of being friends again. We still have distance, but it is possible to have a connection someday. But I think for right now it is clear that distance is what she wants, and I think even if it weren't, it would still be the best decision for you both.

I have a feeling she isn't as moved on as she says she is. There's a good likelihood that her saying that is a mask to cover up the pain and to try to make distance not only one option, but the only option. That's what happened in my previous relationship at least, on both of our ends. I've noticed it's pretty common among those more toxic relationships.

I convinced myself of it, too. Told myself I was totally done with them, that the only feelings I had for them were resentment for what they had done to me, but actually even that I didn't care about that much, and that I had moved on from it all. Which was not true. I just wanted so badly to believe it was. I think it's honestly a good thing you aren't doing that. It hurts to feel it, but I had to face the reality that I still deeply cared about them and the relationship we had in order to truly move on. And to forge a newer, better connection with them.

I hope you can offer yourself some kindness to yourself in feeling this. Especially seeing her every day must not make it easy on you. And maybe if you're able to, get a chance to talk to your friends about it and try to see if you can hang around them at times when she's not there. I am wishing you the best <3

ah, thank you so much for this truly <3
i find our situations a little bit ironic, a few months ago she was depressed and i was quite happy for the most part. i would talk to our friend group regularly but she would close herself off from everyone and isolate herself. now, our positions are swapped haha. although i try to appear happy in front of friends in person, i tend to vent to them in private over text or something.

you might be right about her not being fully moved on, i thought i was reading too much into it i suppose there are a few signs if you squint. for example, a lot of us like to playfully flirt with each other and she's been doing that a lot lately. i know i would do stuff like that with other people when we were still together and i was feeling unhappy with our relationship. she is also a lot more touchy with our friends? in the sense that she likes to cuddle them a lot. i think she is using all of that to make up for what she seems to be feeling right now, but i am a little jealous because i don't really have anyone to be that cuddly with ever since we left each other.

but on the other hand, she is genuinely so much more talkative and happier now that she and i aren't dating. she seems to be close with everyone and it makes me feel like all of it was for nothing if she really gets so much more joy out of our friends than she did with me. she tried to insist to me that she didn't lie to me today, i don't know what she thought attempting to gaslight me would do but i feel a little pathetic now. she made it seem like stopping to care about me was the easiest thing in the world, and that i was absurd for being upset. again, she laughed in my face after i repeatedly asked her to take it seriously... aah i'm so upset. i don't think i'll go to school tomorrow :(

i've been trying to cope ever since i got home i guess. distraction is key right now, and i think that's what's best for me (if you count scrolling through the suicide discussion section of this forum for ages a 'good distraction' lol).

 

[TBONTB]

Awww. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your ex girlfriend not taking your past history together seriously and laughing as you talked is very hurtful. Hopefully you can find a little kindness here

One thing to consider is that you are both handling this in different ways. Her version of dealing with the loss and the breaking up is to distance herself from the feelings and to discount what the relationship meant when she was in it. That doesn't mean it wasn't important, it just means she has her own way of coping.

So sorry you have to go through this breakup. Your job now is to take care of yourself and start looking to what you will enjoy about life and other people on the other side of this relationship.

 

[butterbutter143]

Awww. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Your ex girlfriend not taking your past history together seriously and laughing as you talked is very hurtful. Hopefully you can find a little kindness here

One thing to consider is that you are both handling this in different ways. Her version of dealing with the loss and the breaking up is to distance herself from the feelings and to discount what the relationship meant when she was in it. That doesn't mean it wasn't important, it just means she has her own way of coping.

So sorry you have to go through this breakup. Your job now is to take care of yourself and start looking to what you will enjoy about life and other people on the other side of this relationship.

yeah i'm doing the best i can with what i have right now! since i got home from school i've just been distracting myself with this forum and some of my other hyperfixations. i'm just really mad that she didn't take me seriously, and i'm pretty sure she knows that i have issues with people taking me seriously so way to use my insecurities against me i guess!

sigh. it's not like she's all i've been thinking about. really, i had been getting happier and happier before today, and i was pretty much rarely thinking about her outside of when i saw her at school. it pisses me off that i'm gonna have to start that whole process again but it's whatever, at the very least i've gotten over the "wanting her back" phase that i was in before. i think i will try to improve on myself in the meantime (although idk how to do that in the first place. i'll figure it out)

 

[TBONTB]

Ah, yuck, crappy place to be in. But good to hear you aren't obsessing all the time. Take care of yourself.