May or may not just end my misery today.

[notmyusername]

I am over life. Today is my birthday. I feel no happiness right now. I've been irritable. Panicky. A little psychotic. I want to give up. I want to rest. I want to sleep. Sleep and not wake up. I am so tired. Very tired. I can't fight an addiction right now. I might die even if it's not a "suicide". I already give up. I have nothing to say. No note to leave. Nothing to give before I go. I will leave quietly. Tell my boyfriend I love him. I can't think. I need to die. I need to die. It's all I can think. I need my drugs. I feel like a rotting corpse everyday. I hate myself. So much. I can't see my family, it's my fault. All of this I did to myself. I am too stupid and selfish to fix myself, so I'll do the next best thing. See yall if I die.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Fwiw, Happy Birthday to you. I know it probably doesn't mean much right now the way things are going in your life. I can see you're in a bad place, one you're not sure you'll be able to crawl out of. Maybe you'll be able to, idk. Sometimes the will can be pretty strong. If that's what you want, I hope you do find a way back. How are you planning on exiting if you can't find your way back?

 

[notmyusername]

Fwiw, Happy Birthday to you. I know it probably doesn't mean much right now the way things are going in your life. I can see you're in a bad place, one you're not sure you'll be able to crawl out of. Maybe you'll be able to, idk. Sometimes the will can be pretty strong. If that's what you want, I hope you do find a way back. How are you planning on exiting if you can't find your way back?

drugs or hanging or both. Most likely both. I can't deal with life anymore. The anxiety is bad. The fear. The need to scream. I am scared. I am terrified. I can't stick around in a place that makes me so uncomfortable. But at the same time I'm in love and I can't bear to hurt him.