Discussion Married or single? healthy or chronic illness?

[Mari]

I think my death wishes comes from noticing the only things I wanted to do can't be done due to the absolute lack of time and my life only consist in just working until I can't more, sleeping bad and with literally no time for anything. I tried to find somebody worthy of telling my problems but seeing how the world actually is and my pathethic social skills for getting trust enough with someone this seems impossible.

But honestly, my problems are nothing compared with the stories people post here, and this makes me feel I'm an idiot.

I think it's not necessarily the observable so called problems that count, but how we feel about them. Two different people in seemingly similar situations may have completely different experiences thereof, and also -there's always someone who's seen and lived through something worse than the next. Point is not to make light of or minimize whatever you're going through, that may just add to it in my view.

I don't know if I'm worthy as such, I've been through quite the hurricane myself, but I'm sensitive and a decent listener, have got plenty of time on my hands, so you're welcome to write me if you feel like you'd like to talk or just chat.

 

[MAIO]

Yes you do, thanks for sharing. Do you know why you want to ctb?

I want to ctb because I do not think life is not worth living. In my opinion absurdism in based on nonsense assumption without any real reason to believe it. I do not have desire to continue of chasing superficial goals/highs for no real reason. Especially when the evidence shows life is not as good as people think, people are pressured to lie about it, people set death equal to terrible no matter what they believe etc. I have no interest of giving into illusion getting the heroin of desire injected into me to live a live ultimately meaningless that is barely worth continuing if I am lucky.

 

[Lisa]

I want to ctb because I do not think life is not worth living. In my opinion absurdism in based on nonsense assumption without any real reason to believe it. I do not have desire to continue of chasing superficial goals/highs for no real reason. Especially when the evidence shows life is not as good as people think, people are pressured to lie about it, people set death equal to terrible no matter what they believe etc. I have no interest of giving into illusion getting the heroin of desire injected into me to live a live ultimately meaningless that is barely worth continuing if I am lucky.

Thanks for replying

I understand

 

[boofmyself]

Have been together with my significant other for a few years. I'm physically healthy and no diagnosed mental health problems, though I'm pretty sure I've been mildly depressed for a few years.

I just don't feel like I fit in our society. I hate the way our world works with the elite controlling everything and living in luxury, while the majority of people live in poorness and have no chance of a better life.

I myself am one of the relatively lucky ones, as I live in a good European country with good education opportunities, and have a good loving family.

I'd not say that I'm actively suicidal, even though I think about suicide daily. I just don't want anything to do with a vast majority of people, and I have no energy or motivation to gather enough resources to make any real change to this world. I admire people who spent their lifes making this world a better place, but I think I've no real potential to become one of those people. So if I continue living, I won't be anything but a burden to this world.

So I think my depression, existential crisis and procrastination, are slowly but surely getting me to the point where I have no other chances but suicide. I'm already at a point where I work at a shitty job, have no education, and just procrastinate about doing anything to make my life better.

I've joined this community mostly because I think everyone should be able to decide when they want to stop existing, and I think keeping suicide as a illegal taboo, is just the worst way of "dealing" with anything.

 

[NotTheStatusQuo]

Everything is work for me and I'm always scared, worried, unsure about myself and even when I accomplish things I don't feel any lasting pleasure. I don't believe in hell or anything like that so I see death as just being the most logical thing to do. There is no point in swimming upstream all your life if you're never going to get anywhere.

 

[Lisa]

Have been together with my significant other for a few years. I'm physically healthy and no diagnosed mental health problems, though I'm pretty sure I've been mildly depressed for a few years.

I just don't feel like I fit in our society. I hate the way our world works with the elite controlling everything and living in luxury, while the majority of people live in poorness and have no chance of a better life.

I myself am one of the relatively lucky ones, as I live in a good European country with good education opportunities, and have a good loving family.

I'd not say that I'm actively suicidal, even though I think about suicide daily. I just don't want anything to do with a vast majority of people, and I have no energy or motivation to gather enough resources to make any real change to this world. I admire people who spent their lifes making this world a better place, but I think I've no real potential to become one of those people. So if I continue living, I won't be anything but a burden to this world.

So I think my depression, existential crisis and procrastination, are slowly but surely getting me to the point where I have no other chances but suicide. I'm already at a point where I work at a shitty job, have no education, and just procrastinate about doing anything to make my life better.

I've joined this community mostly because I think everyone should be able to decide when they want to stop existing, and I think keeping suicide as a illegal taboo, is just the worst way of "dealing" with anything.

Thanks for sharing

 

[Lisa]

Everything is work for me and I'm always scared, worried, unsure about myself and even when I accomplish things I don't feel any lasting pleasure. I don't believe in hell or anything like that so I see death as just being the most logical thing to do. There is no point in swimming upstream all your life if you're never going to get anywhere.

Thank You for sharing

 

[Lucas]

I'm chronically ill due an accident that could have been avoided. It also cost me my hobbies and everything I stand for. At this point I'm quite jealous at people who want to end it for other reasons. I know I could go on, but it wouldn't be fun anymore. Ending yourself due health problems is a special kind of hell, because you want to live, but you can't anymore so it's like somebody telling you that you can either kill yourself or he will torture you to death. I guess the lesson here is that life is great...until it's not, for some it happens earlier than others, but it will happen (unless you die in your sleep when you're old).

 

[Kogoruhn]

I'm chronically ill due an accident that could have been avoided. It also cost me my hobbies and everything I stand for. At this point I'm quite jealous at people who want to end it for other reasons. I know I could go on, but it wouldn't be fun anymore. Ending yourself due health problems is a special kind of hell, because you want to live, but you can't anymore so it's like somebody telling you that you can either kill yourself or he will torture you to death. I guess the lesson here is that life is great...until it's not, for some it happens earlier than others, but it will happen (unless you die in your sleep when you're old).

I'm also chronically ill. It all started 3 years ago and i've been living through a slow torture everyday. I can't stop thinking about suicide.

 

[Caerula]

I'm chronically ill due an accident that could have been avoided. It also cost me my hobbies and everything I stand for. At this point I'm quite jealous at people who want to end it for other reasons. I know I could go on, but it wouldn't be fun anymore. Ending yourself due health problems is a special kind of hell, because you want to live, but you can't anymore so it's like somebody telling you that you can either kill yourself or he will torture you to death. I guess the lesson here is that life is great...until it's not, for some it happens earlier than others, but it will happen (unless you die in your sleep when you're old).

This reminds me of a song.

Spoiler: Gone by Matt Elliott

The lyrics are:

Face full of sun
And we run
'til we lose our way

Bad thoughts are gone
War is won
And all's in its place

The day's all ours
Until we
Trip on a grave

Birds stop their song
As you turn
To me and say

We will be gone

 

[El Topo]

I'm chronically ill due an accident that could have been avoided. It also cost me my hobbies and everything I stand for. At this point I'm quite jealous at people who want to end it for other reasons. I know I could go on, but it wouldn't be fun anymore. Ending yourself due health problems is a special kind of hell, because you want to live, but you can't anymore so it's like somebody telling you that you can either kill yourself or he will torture you to death. I guess the lesson here is that life is great...until it's not, for some it happens earlier than others, but it will happen (unless you die in your sleep when you're old).

I'm also chronically ill. It all started 3 years ago and i've been living through a slow torture everyday. I can't stop thinking about suicide.

There are several of us who are here due to chronic illness. Lucas, I know what you mean about being "jealous" of people who want to do it for other reasons. I saw a psychiatrist once who told me that despite my health condition, I'm not depressed. People with major clinical depression don't feel like doing anything, whereas people with chronic illness want to go out and live our lives. But we can't. So we're frustrated, but not depressed.

 

[Lisa]

I'm chronically ill due an accident that could have been avoided. It also cost me my hobbies and everything I stand for. At this point I'm quite jealous at people who want to end it for other reasons. I know I could go on, but it wouldn't be fun anymore. Ending yourself due health problems is a special kind of hell, because you want to live, but you can't anymore so it's like somebody telling you that you can either kill yourself or he will torture you to death. I guess the lesson here is that life is great...until it's not, for some it happens earlier than others, but it will happen (unless you die in your sleep when you're old).

I know what you mean about the jealousy. I'm jealous of people who are able to enjoy life. This will sound stupid but I watch this show called Southern Charm and I am jealous. They have nice lives.

 

[ImNotBatman]

I'm single. I have a good job, great benefits, I've got good friends, a nice car, I'm healthy, and fit.
I want to CTB because I've ruined and broken the only person who made me happy to be alive in this world. And knowing shes gone forever because of me, and what happened to her because of me...I can't bear to keep seeing memories everywhere I go. I shared everything with her, and it has only ruined everything for me. I know I can "move on" and "might end up happier", but I've decided I dont deserve it.

 

[Lisa]

I'm single. I have a good job, great benefits, I've got good friends, a nice car, I'm healthy, and fit.
I want to CTB because I've ruined and broken the only person who made me happy to be alive in this world. And knowing shes gone forever because of me, and what happened to her because of me...I can't bear to keep seeing memories everywhere I go. I shared everything with her, and it has only ruined everything for me. I know I can "move on" and "might end up happier", but I've decided I dont deserve it.

I'm in a similar boat

Is she still alive?

 

[ImNotBatman]

I'm in a similar boat

Is she still alive?

Yeah. But I've damned her to a life shes suffering in. I led her to a situation where she got raped, impregnated, manipulated and controlled and brainwashed.
Ive spoken to her since it all went down, and shes clinically depressed, and almost robotic.

 

[Lisa]

Yeah. But I've damned her to a life shes suffering in. I led her to a situation where she got raped, impregnated, manipulated and controlled and brainwashed.
Ive spoken to her since it all went down, and shes clinically depressed, and almost robotic.

I'm so sorry

 

[ImNotBatman]

I'm so sorry

Its okay, my only hope is that by CTB, I can break his lock on her and she'll leave him.
Bastard was my best friend too...fuck people.

 

[El Topo]

Its okay, my only hope is that by CTB, I can break his lock on her and she'll leave him.
Bastard was my best friend too...fuck people.

Damn... this shit sounds like a Shakespearean tragedy