Making peace with it

[CantDoIt]

Has anyone successfully made peace with their decision to ctb and been able to somewhat enjoy their final moments and act normal?

I feel I need to ctb within the next few years but I've made the mistake of being too open with my feelings and it's brought me into some emotional turmoil wrt people who I'm close to and also wrt past happy memories and failures which are painful.

However, I need to do it, and if I use my method (SN) I'll probably have around 20 minutes to ruminate and I'm just tired. Please do not mistake this for a cry for help or wanting to be saved, I promise I won't be able to be saved. I just want to feel at ease until the day comes. Is it possible?

 

[finallydone]

yea i think it's possible, i think i'm myself experiencing a similar thing, before this i used to panic at the thought of ending my life but it's much more tolerable right now
keep in mind that i don't know if i'll panic when i start setting up my attempt

 

[CantDoIt]

yea i think it's possible, i think i'm myself experiencing a similar thing, before this i used to panic at the thought of ending my life but it's much more tolerable right now
keep in mind that i don't know if i'll panic when i start setting up my attempt

Yeah my worry is that when the time finally comes I'll panic. I'm also just a little tired of feeling sorry for myself in general and want to accept that this state I'm in is my fault and that in order to be free of further suffering feelings I need to ctb.

When I think about it, my anguished emotions are insanely inferior to the alternative of simply dying. There's always some kind of weird trickery going on where I play impossible 'what if' scenarios in my head.

 

[nasigoreng99]

I think we have to expect anxiety and panic when it comes to ctb - it's unnatural. We have to set our will to override our brain and SI, it's not easy. That's why we need benzos in SN method. Wish you all the best, my friend

 

[CantDoIt]

I think we have to expect anxiety and panic when it comes to ctb - it's unnatural. We have to set our will to override our brain and SI, it's not easy. That's why we need benzos in SN method. Wish you all the best, my friend

Ah, the illusive Benzos...still something I need to get my hands on. Best wishes to you as well!