Venting Made an attempt a week ago.

[LadyAlastor]

So I made an attempt a week ago I was just so overwhelmed and overstrust with work and a lot of my issues and all of it just came at once and best drowned me in a sea of darkness that I could not pull myself out of, Like usual I'm go to my usual ritual and have some music on this time I didn't have any drinks, I did smoke a little.

I grabbed my heavy duty USB cord because it was the closest thing next to me and with how much I weigh it wouldn't take much, Even though the voices in my head consistently telling me you have 6 years don't do this you still have time just give it the 6 years you have Made it this far so on and so forth I had wrapped that cord around my doorknob and finally had wrapped it around my neck and as I wrapped it around my neck made sure it was nice and tight Only for a song of all things to stop me.

I mean I hate that it stopped me but at the same time I know I have a promise to fulfill I know if I were to die that day that my promise would have been broken and everything I stood for everything I valued would have been for Nothing.

Everyday I ask myself or at least the voice in my head the voice in my head asks me. "you gonna carry all that Weight?"

I tend to ponder this question often, But I know the right answer I know the truth if the answer is yes I'm going to carry all that weight Until 2029 comes I will continue to carry it, I've gotten this far within the 32 years of my life I've got a little more left and I will fulfill this promise no matter what.

As for the song that stopped me here it is.

 

[Euthanza]

May I know what promise in particular that hold you until 2029? About more than 2k days to go, I hope the best for you.
I'm also holding my breath until 2027, less than 800 days for me.

 

[LadyAlastor]

May I know what promise in particular that hold you until 2029? About more than 2k days to go, I hope the best for you.
I'm also holding my breathe until 2027, less than 800 days for me.

The promise I hold is that I live for 6 years so my wife has enough time with me and our husband, and during that time we find a final destination and forever home to live our best lives together and die together.

 

[Euthanza]

The promise I hold is that I live for 6 years so my wife has enough time with me and our husband, and during that time we find a final destination and forever home to live our best lives together and die together.

Sweetheart

 

[LadyAlastor]

Sweetheart

I'm not gonna disagree with that. however the journey is a lot harder than people would think but I will keep on fighting until then of course.
I guess a good description of it would be Fighting against death even though you want it, Then again it's not like this hasn't been Is done before. plenty of People in at least Stories who have wanted to die but are forced to live for some form of purpose even if it's for a limited time.

I just think it's terrible that people like us have wanted to die since they were 12 or even in their teenage years Yet we have to live for some form of purpose I mean it's not a bad thing but it's also not a good thing it depends on the person I guess for me in this instance it's a good thing I'm doing something noble something I truly do stand for and that's not dying alone I don't think anyone should die alone ever.

And I'll be damned if those 2 die alone .

 

[Euthanza]

I'm not gonna disagree with that. however the journey is a lot harder than people would think but I will keep on fighting until then of course.
I guess a good description of it would be Fighting against death even though you want it, Then again it's not like this hasn't been Is done before. plenty of People in at least Stories who have wanted to die but are forced to live for some form of purpose even if it's for a limited time.

I just think it's terrible that people like us have wanted to die since they were 12 or even in their teenage years Yet we have to live for some form of purpose I mean it's not a bad thing but it's also not a good thing it depends on the person I guess for me in this instance it's a good thing I'm doing something noble something I truly do stand for and that's not dying alone I don't think anyone should die alone ever.

And I'll be damned if those 2 die alone .

In the meaning time, may be you can source the best euthanasia medication from some doctors, or perhaps the law will change in our favor. It's not gonna be easy for sure, but worthy all the love in the world. Best wishes for you.