Help Lost on how to ctb

[reddeaddye]

Hi,

Long story short I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder after essentially blowing my life up and while my parents who I love dearly have tried to help me fix the situation, I feel cognitively I just can't keep up with adult life and I feel suicide will end my suffering while also allowing my family to not watch me spiral further.

I tried ODing last week on a bunch of meds and of course I threw them up. Then I found this forum and realized that's a non method. I've tried so hard to get the night night method to work and ligature strangulation but I just can't find the sweet spot on my carotid arteries (22 female, 140 lbs 5'4") maybe I'm just not skinny enough?? I was recently in the hospital because I expressed my suicidal ideation to my stepmom and I was hoping that stay would get me on the right meds (which I tried overdosing on with sleeping medication) when I got out so that's not the case. This feels more like a vent post but UGH I need to ctb and I just feel so trapped. Hanging isn't really an option for me, there is a train station but I wanted my death to be not so terrible for other people. I looked into H2S and dying in my car before I sell it to pay back my debts (I know I'm a coward) but it seems like the ingredients would still be really toxic to first responders and I don't want to hurt anyone as much as possible. I keep hoping a magical solution will pop up and I'll find a way to ctb but all I can think of is using duct tape to cover my nose and mouth and I know that's not a great idea. SI and all, and I couldn't get a firearm even if I tried. Any advice at all?

 

[icuddlecats5]

I'm feeling the same at the moment, I'm too afraid. I know in my heart that hanging myself and kicking the stool away will be the end but the time it takes is what's throwing me through a loop.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so trapped in this cruel existence, I always suffer so much from how there isn't the option to just cease existing painlessly that is guaranteed and I always see so much cruelty in how the option of such is denied, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[MyShadow]

Hi,

Long story short I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder after essentially blowing my life up and while my parents who I love dearly have tried to help me fix the situation, I feel cognitively I just can't keep up with adult life and I feel suicide will end my suffering while also allowing my family to not watch me spiral further.

I tried ODing last week on a bunch of meds and of course I threw them up. Then I found this forum and realized that's a non method. I've tried so hard to get the night night method to work and ligature strangulation but I just can't find the sweet spot on my carotid arteries (22 female, 140 lbs 5'4") maybe I'm just not skinny enough?? I was recently in the hospital because I expressed my suicidal ideation to my stepmom and I was hoping that stay would get me on the right meds (which I tried overdosing on with sleeping medication) when I got out so that's not the case. This feels more like a vent post but UGH I need to ctb and I just feel so trapped. Hanging isn't really an option for me, there is a train station but I wanted my death to be not so terrible for other people. I looked into H2S and dying in my car before I sell it to pay back my debts (I know I'm a coward) but it seems like the ingredients would still be really toxic to first responders and I don't want to hurt anyone as much as possible. I keep hoping a magical solution will pop up and I'll find a way to ctb but all I can think of is using duct tape to cover my nose and mouth and I know that's not a great idea. SI and all, and I couldn't get a firearm even if I tried. Any advice at all?

I am sorry that you are suffering with bipolar disorder. As someone who suffers from Major Depressive Disorder, I feel your pain and frustration and hope that you can find relief and peace soon.