Venting losing your motivation to do shit really sucks

[planchette]

i cant do this anymore. i cant keep disappointing people. i want to die so i can stop disappointing people i will finally be selfless for once when people dont have to even look at me. i have no worth i have no talent, no one deserves to be around such a useless person. it's always been like this. i hate my depression rendering me completely useless t do things and i hate that i slip out of shit by having a nihilistic outlook. im going to do it. im going to do it today. i dont care if it hurts. i care about everything else, but not if it hurts. i have things due tomorrow but i will not do them to keep it engraved in my mind that i will not be coming back.
i fucked up everything my letting my mental illness ruin everything, but i have to let go of that thought and realize that its me who caused this whole mess. it doesnt matter if i had depression or not. its me who decided not to do anything about it. yes i was depressed and l acked the motivatioin to to anything but i. did. nothing to stop it. i let it happen.
i ruin everything. i cant wait till im dead and can no longer do anything. im going to do it tonight. but i know i wont because im too much of a coward.
if i dont chicken out of it then my plan is to overdose. i heard it doesnt work most of the time but i dont care, whatever will give me at least a chance to die. i dont care if i'll be left in a vegetative state, i dont care if my organs fail. i'll do it again and again and again until i finally die.
im sorry if this vent makes no sense.

 

[Ghost2211]

It makes sense. Depression is such a heavy state to be in. It can feel like a black hole that consumes every aspect of life. You're not useless for having depression, and we can't always do something about it even if we want to.

 

[Dead beat dad]

i cant do this anymore. i cant keep disappointing people. i want to die so i can stop disappointing people i will finally be selfless for once when people dont have to even look at me. i have no worth i have no talent, no one deserves to be around such a useless person. it's always been like this. i hate my depression rendering me completely useless t do things and i hate that i slip out of shit by having a nihilistic outlook. im going to do it. im going to do it today. i dont care if it hurts. i care about everything else, but not if it hurts. i have things due tomorrow but i will not do them to keep it engraved in my mind that i will not be coming back.
i fucked up everything my letting my mental illness ruin everything, but i have to let go of that thought and realize that its me who caused this whole mess. it doesnt matter if i had depression or not. its me who decided not to do anything about it. yes i was depressed and l acked the motivatioin to to anything but i. did. nothing to stop it. i let it happen.
i ruin everything. i cant wait till im dead and can no longer do anything. im going to do it tonight. but i know i wont because im too much of a coward.
if i dont chicken out of it then my plan is to overdose. i heard it doesnt work most of the time but i dont care, whatever will give me at least a chance to die. i dont care if i'll be left in a vegetative state, i dont care if my organs fail. i'll do it again and again and again until i finally die.
im sorry if this vent makes no sense.

I feel this friend.
Love to you.
DBD