Venting Loneliness

[Stormo]

Sometimes I feel like I might not be suicidal if only I didn't feel so lonely.

I have 1 friend but he also feels suicidal and depressed often. It's nice that sometimes he understands and I can talk to him but I also don't think he understands what I'm going through. He has a lot of friends and a long term partner.

Other than that I've been stuck in a shitty unrequited love FWB for a year now. I feel like I can never be loved. He treats me like shit and makes me feel worse. I only keep him around because I'm so alone.

I try to make more friends by going to social nights around me and other places online but can't seem to form friendships with anyone, no matter how hard I try people are so uninterested and already have their own friends. I just wish I had someone to talk to sometimes, call or play games online together or go out for lunch or just sit with. I hate being so lonely.
I just feel like I'm waiting for someone to give me purpose and help me or 'save' me. But I know that is so much pressure to put on someone. Why do I give other people such power over me?

I am so tired of being alone and feeling this way. I don't want to suffer like this anymore. I worry that I may never be able to bring myself to do something because of my cats. I really hope I get cancer and die soon or something. Or just get murdered.

I've reached out for help so many times and have been turned away from mental health services over the past 5 years for addiction, too much trauma or not being mentally well enough (to start trauma therapy). I begin to feel like I will never get help. I'm so tired and scared.

Recently got put on antidepressants and they are taking the feeling away slowly but part of me doesn't want that because I feel like I am finally ready to go and I want to just give up now. I don't want to keep hoping for it to get better, I have hoped for too long.

Why was this my life? I seriously wonder why I am incapable of having happiness and love. Why does it seem like everyone around me gets it? Especially the people who are so undeserving, they are loved and respected the most. Yet I sit here everyday in pain. Why?

 

[timf]

Things like book clubs can allow one to sit in the background a little. Sometimes golf and tennis clubs will match up people so that they can play together. Political and religious groups also often have venues through which friendships can be built. Volunteer work can bring you into contact with others sensitive to the need for friends.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I also experience loneliness daily. I try to see it more as "just" a sensation in the body, like an emotional form of chronic pain. For me it feels like a headache combined with coldness in the solar plexus/gut. One technique is to then either rest in the stillness of the sensation not moving, or noticing how it changes/flows like a lava lamp/fireworks/wave/etc.

I have a meditation megathread if you're interested in these sort of options. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meditation-megathread-pin-this.187169/

 

[Stormo]

I also experience loneliness daily. I try to see it more as "just" a sensation in the body, like an emotional form of chronic pain. For me it feels like a headache combined with coldness in the solar plexus/gut. One technique is to then either rest in the stillness of the sensation not moving, or noticing how it changes/flows like a lava lamp/fireworks/wave/etc.

I have a meditation megathread if you're interested in these sort of options. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/meditation-megathread-pin-this.187169/

Thank you, I'll definitely check out the thread

Things like book clubs can allow one to sit in the background a little. Sometimes golf and tennis clubs will match up people so that they can play together. Political and religious groups also often have venues through which friendships can be built. Volunteer work can bring you into contact with others sensitive to the need for friends.

Yea I've been trying to go to a few things like board game nights and d&d groups. My work schedule doesn't leave much time for volunteering. Plus there isn't much in my area anyway. Hopefully after going for a few more weeks I can form a few friendships

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry to hear about how loneliness in your real life has forced you to feel so awful~ :( I've also struggled to make friends irl too and don't have any at all rn~ :( I wish I had advice to give, but I don't~ >_< therefore, I hope the others in this thread's advice can help~ :) Best of luck with gaining more friends and a significant other~ :)

 

[Stormo]

I'm sorry to hear about how loneliness in your real life has forced you to feel so awful~ :( I've also struggled to make friends irl too and don't have any at all rn~ :( I wish I had advice to give, but I don't~ >_< therefore, I hope the others in this thread's advice can help~ :) Best of luck with gaining more friends and a significant other~ :)

Thank you.
Tbh I don't want a significant other. Yes I want to feel loved but right now I don't want one, it's hard to explain.

Also if be happy to chat with you if you wanna talk on another app? We could potentially play some games together too?

 

[EternalShore]

Thank you.
Tbh I don't want a significant other. Yes I want to feel loved but right now I don't want one, it's hard to explain.

Also if be happy to chat with you if you wanna talk on another app? We could potentially play some games together too?

huh~ but like a significant other would give what you wish like that~ >_< well, if they aren't like how it ended up for you like in the past~ :( That sounds awful~ :( You know better than me I bet~ :)
You sound really nice! :) I'd definitely like to! :) and don't let this come out wrong, but I'm kinda hesitant due to your low history and amount of time here~ >_< and games would be fun too! ^_^ would it be possible for you to dm me some here beforehand? :)

 

[Stormo]

huh~ but like a significant other would give what you wish like that~ >_< well, if they aren't like how it ended up for you like in the past~ :( That sounds awful~ :( You know better than me I bet~ :)
You sound really nice! :) I'd definitely like to! :) and don't let this come out wrong, but I'm kinda hesitant due to your low history and amount of time here~ >_< and games would be fun too! ^_^ would it be possible for you to dm me some here beforehand? :)

Sure I can dm you here for a while. I only recently found out about this site and didn't know it existed before, but I can understand why people here are cautious of new users.