Sometimes I feel like I might not be suicidal if only I didn't feel so lonely.
I have 1 friend but he also feels suicidal and depressed often. It's nice that sometimes he understands and I can talk to him but I also don't think he understands what I'm going through. He has a lot of friends and a long term partner.
Other than that I've been stuck in a shitty unrequited love FWB for a year now. I feel like I can never be loved. He treats me like shit and makes me feel worse. I only keep him around because I'm so alone.
I try to make more friends by going to social nights around me and other places online but can't seem to form friendships with anyone, no matter how hard I try people are so uninterested and already have their own friends. I just wish I had someone to talk to sometimes, call or play games online together or go out for lunch or just sit with. I hate being so lonely.
I just feel like I'm waiting for someone to give me purpose and help me or 'save' me. But I know that is so much pressure to put on someone. Why do I give other people such power over me?
I am so tired of being alone and feeling this way. I don't want to suffer like this anymore. I worry that I may never be able to bring myself to do something because of my cats. I really hope I get cancer and die soon or something. Or just get murdered.
I've reached out for help so many times and have been turned away from mental health services over the past 5 years for addiction, too much trauma or not being mentally well enough (to start trauma therapy). I begin to feel like I will never get help. I'm so tired and scared.
Recently got put on antidepressants and they are taking the feeling away slowly but part of me doesn't want that because I feel like I am finally ready to go and I want to just give up now. I don't want to keep hoping for it to get better, I have hoped for too long.
Why was this my life? I seriously wonder why I am incapable of having happiness and love. Why does it seem like everyone around me gets it? Especially the people who are so undeserving, they are loved and respected the most. Yet I sit here everyday in pain. Why?
I have 1 friend but he also feels suicidal and depressed often. It's nice that sometimes he understands and I can talk to him but I also don't think he understands what I'm going through. He has a lot of friends and a long term partner.
Other than that I've been stuck in a shitty unrequited love FWB for a year now. I feel like I can never be loved. He treats me like shit and makes me feel worse. I only keep him around because I'm so alone.
I try to make more friends by going to social nights around me and other places online but can't seem to form friendships with anyone, no matter how hard I try people are so uninterested and already have their own friends. I just wish I had someone to talk to sometimes, call or play games online together or go out for lunch or just sit with. I hate being so lonely.
I just feel like I'm waiting for someone to give me purpose and help me or 'save' me. But I know that is so much pressure to put on someone. Why do I give other people such power over me?
I am so tired of being alone and feeling this way. I don't want to suffer like this anymore. I worry that I may never be able to bring myself to do something because of my cats. I really hope I get cancer and die soon or something. Or just get murdered.
I've reached out for help so many times and have been turned away from mental health services over the past 5 years for addiction, too much trauma or not being mentally well enough (to start trauma therapy). I begin to feel like I will never get help. I'm so tired and scared.
Recently got put on antidepressants and they are taking the feeling away slowly but part of me doesn't want that because I feel like I am finally ready to go and I want to just give up now. I don't want to keep hoping for it to get better, I have hoped for too long.
Why was this my life? I seriously wonder why I am incapable of having happiness and love. Why does it seem like everyone around me gets it? Especially the people who are so undeserving, they are loved and respected the most. Yet I sit here everyday in pain. Why?
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