Venting Life sucks

[bpdiskillingme]

I'm so low the lowest I've been in ages

And it's all because I spoke how I felt and stood up for myself

I feel like I'm going crazy I'm having tendencies I haven't had in a while - I'm drinking and doing drugs again to feel ok I just want the pain to go away I feel like a burden for feeling the way I feel

I'm so miserable I frel stupid

Idk if I can wait till July to leave my partner I told them how I felt and I don't love him anymore and he stopped me from leaving by saying it's my fault that the relationship is failing

I feel stupid for having human urges to feel loved intimately by other people because I'm so emotionally absent from this stupid relationship I'm suck in. And now I'm second guessing everything cause I feel like I'm stupid

I need to go, I need to feel the sweet relief of death I don't know how to do this anymore it's suffocating me

I feel like everything I do is an act and even when I'm doing things for myself it feels like an act

I need to grow the balls and CTB I'm putting it off for too long and I can't stand it