Venting Life sucks so much when you don't have friends.

[zdeweilx]

Life hits differently when you don't have friends.

I'll never understand why the internet keeps putting romantic relationships at the center of a person's life, as if that's the ultimate fix.

When you're drowning in suicidal thoughts, what actually changes everything isn't a partner, it's real friends. Deep and genuine friendships, brotherhood, companionship... this kind of stuff.

A man can live without a partner. I'd argue the same is true for women. But living without friends induces a whole different kind of loneliness.

What personally hurts me the most is knowing that, after more than 25 years of existence, I've never managed to build real friendships, and feeling like I never will. The odds of me making any friend at all are abysmally low now since I don't even leave my room anymore except to go to work, then come back completely drained, empty, on autopilot. It's over for me.

The camaraderie. The brotherly bonds. Sleepless nights spent laughing over stupid things. The effortless closeness. All of it feels like a life I was never invited into. Others got to experience it naturally, from their youngest days and without even realizing how lucky they were. And I'm left knowing I'll probably never know what that feels like.

Being friendless really sucks. It really hurts. Sometimes it feels like disappearing would be easier.

 

[shcizoseraphima]

coincidentally, I just made a thread that relates to this as well... i really long for a sincere friendship as well :,) so i understand ur pain

 

[zdeweilx]

coincidentally, I just made a thread that relates to this as well... i really long for a sincere friendship as well :,) so i understand ur pain

The only friendships that seem real around me are the ones that formed during childhood or teenagehood...

I feel like it's impossible to make real longlasting friendships once you're older.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

It does, people only have their self interest in mind. And that self interest isn't to end up in a mutual friendship, it's to get something out of you.

 

[zdeweilx]

It does, people only have their self interest in mind. And that self interest isn't to end up in a mutual friendship, it's to get something out of you.

Yes... I hate how any interaction I have with anyone stems from opportunism or interest...

 

[Alpacachino]

I have only a couple of friends, but they're good friends. I don't depend on them for anything. But they do stave off loneliness. I don't think it's healthy to depend much on your friends. But as human beings, we do need companionship and people to talk to. So yeah, friends are pretty important in that respect.

 

[zdeweilx]

I have only a couple of friends, but they're good friends. I don't depend on them for anything. But they do stave off loneliness. I don't think it's healthy to depend much on your friends. But as human beings, we do need companionship and people to talk to. So yeah, friends are pretty important in that respect.

If you have one good friend, consider yourself lucky. If you have "a couple of good friends", consider yourself blessed.

 

[1NoOtherWay]

The only friendships that seem real around me are the ones that formed during childhood or teenagehood...

I feel like it's impossible to make real longlasting friendships once you're older.

it really is difficult when you move away from the people you grew up with, find that new job, rotting in bed wishing things were different, effortless interactions because the loneliness deepens your social skills. Im going to a new school and i've tried so hard to make friends it just feels people arent attracted to my presence whatsoever.

to you my man, i think traveling or moving to a foreign country would help because the language barrier would possibly improve your thinking abilities to slowly make connections with eachother in a more not rushed way. this is just how i think things would help, probably because ive always wanted to travel, but im going to china solo this year i can try to remember to let you know how it goes. unless you want to go to china too!

 

[Reishi]

I only have friendships online and they honestly don't feel like much . I go by weeks sometimes without saying a single word to anyone but ... the hallucinations I see.

 

[e!kent]

I'll never understand why the internet keeps putting romantic relationships at the center of a person's life, as if that's the ultimate fix.

We cannot deny our true nature.
It seems clear to me that human society has been characterized for centuries by a kind of propaganda based on the cult of the human figure.
Humans are not seen as animals, but as something different. People think we are more intelligent and, therefore, more ''evolved'' than other animals.
I'm sorry but it's not like that, it's an illusion.
Evolving means adapting to survival. We have not freed ourselves from the chains of the primitive need to survive.
We have escaped the dangers of the natural habitat, but now we must survive in society.
There are people who suffer and die daily in this world, and I am not referring to cases of physical illness or natural deaths.
We ourselves, members of this forum, are an example of how difficult it is to live.
In conclusion, we are animals, and we are the result of millions of years of life. What we were originally born for is written in our organism, and among these is reproduction.
I'm not such a naturalist as to say that our obsession with romantic relationships depends solely on sex. It is based on numerous factors, most of which derive from the individual person.

I personally love having a partner because I like feeling desired, all the affection I receive, dedicating myself to someone.
For me, relationships are like friendships with the addition of all the chemical reactions of love, so a kind of enhancement.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

While I did have friends at one point, I am extremely isolated now, so I can relate a lot to these feelings of loneliness and missing out on experiences that many take for granted. I never really had any friends during childhood, and when I went to university it was the first time I ever had a friend group and consistent social interactions with other people.

I had been a NEET and did not go to school for several years, so my social connections during secondary school were very sparse. Honestly, I expected to be alone the rest of my life. Then, all of that changed at university. Even though I was still on here during that time, and obviously still suicidal, it was the happiest time of my life, because of those connections with other people. Then, one day it was all over. The feeling of moving out of my uni house was surreal, seeing everyone you've just spent years with suddenly moving in all different directions.

No one really told me how impossible it was to make connections once your education is over. Ever since I graduated from university, it has been the most deeply isolating experience, especially if you end up working with people you have absolutely nothing in common with. People I spent every day with for years suddenly up and moved across the world, stopped messaging, and lost contact. There was no way to meet anyone new either.

I am grateful to have spent that time with friends, but there's just a huge hollow hole left behind now, knowing that time is never coming back and there won't be anything like it in the future. I really agree with you that life has meaning because of the time you spend with other people, and once you feel the absence of that, it's such a deep, gnawing pain.

 

[Sphinxi]

Not having friends is the worst. I have spent many days wandering around museums, eating restaurants, and visiting various sites alone. You can lie to yourself and say that you got used to it, but at the end of the day you lack a vital part of the human experience that most people cannot bear to live without

 

[violetforever]

I'll never understand why the internet keeps putting romantic relationships at the center of a person's life, as if that's the ultimate fix.

When you're drowning in suicidal thoughts, what actually changes everything isn't a partner, it's real friends.

creating a family and having kids is expected of people so i guess that's why but i always think about this too. i wonder if the best love is just friendship. romantic relationships never seem to live up to the idea that we're promised. friendships feel more real and possible and lasting.

 

[Lost Dreamer]

I know how you feel in a way and it is true, friendship is really important, way more than the idea of romance.

Myself, I only started recognizing just how essential it is for me to have connections with other people far too late. These days I suffer daily from what I can only assume is a side effect of isolation, stuck in a loop of feeling worse and worse which makes it ever harder to make friends. Funnily enough, my best friend noticed I was getting sadder as time went by and decided break ties with me because he was 'sorry about it but didn't want to deal with whatever I was going through'. While it did break me inside I was glad he won't get to see me get worse or suffer when I eventually do catch that bus but like you said, I wish it didn't suck so much being alone.

At least we've got this place. It's comforting and I appreciate it, I'd be very much lost without it and the community here.

 

[DeathByBananabread]

I have so much to say about this I had to delete my reply as it was so long it almost would have derailed your thread. I pasted what I typed into Discord to archive it & it bypassed the character limit.

I was homeschooled on-&-off so much as a kid I can't keep track of how much we went back & forth. I was in my Grandmother's custody for years, but during a period of time when she had undiagnosed cancer, which came with severe chronic fatigue & she would sleep most of the day. I was basically not being educated, monitored, parented, or socialized for four years straight.

I think that period of my childhood from 8-12 ruined me, at least socially. I was weird before but never really recovered from this. I'm 28 & I've been called attractive before but never dated. I have never had a friend group IRL & I have never had a best-friend offline. My brother is an abusive drug-addict currently in-relapse with a laundry list of severe mistakes he's made but he's so charismatic/likable/charming his social life has been thriving in comparison to mine. It's like I'm not even on the same planet as him.

There's nothing I could say about the state that being so socially unadept has left me in that hasn't already been said here. I completely understand why studies found that chronic loneliness throttles life expectancy just as much as chronic smoking does. It sucks it's hellish nothing makes me feel happy when I'm alone I have almost no motivation to do anything I'm sad I feel hopeless I feel like life is meaningless I feel useless I've been dealing with varying levels of severe mental illness sometimes directly related to my level of isolation.

 

[dogdrool]

I'm 19 and I feel the same way. I've been lucky enough to make friends, but not the sort of friendships that feel fulfilling, you know? The kind of friendships you make in highschool because you're a freak and nobody really wants to talk to you, so you and all the other freaks are forced to be friends with eachother lmao.

I recently lost my group of 7 years. We were very very close but they weren't very supportive, they were cruel to me and didn't care enough to give me a chance to make it up to them after I took a break from talking for 3 months due to a suicide attempt.

I feel really directionless and empty, I wish that I had friends who really cared and would ask how I was the same way I do for everybody else. At least when I had friends, even if they weren't real, I felt like I was a part of something.
I'm 19 and I feel the same way. I've been lucky enough to make friends, but not the sort of friendships that feel fulfilling, you know? The kind of friendships you make in highschool because you're a freak and nobody really wants to talk to you, so you and all the other freaks are forced to be friends with eachother lmao.

I recently lost my group of 7 years. We were very very close but they weren't very supportive, they were cruel to me and didn't care enough to give me a chance to make it up to them after I took a break from talking for 3 months due to a suicide attempt.

I feel really directionless and empty, I wish that I had friends who really cared and would ask how I was the same way I do for everybody else. At least when I had friends, even if they weren't real, I felt like I was a part of something.

 

[katara]

Not having friends is the worst.

I felt this

 

[Forever Sleep]

It just seems so sad that there seem to be so many desperately lonely people here. The obvious hope is that some here may make friends with one another but, I suppose it isn't that simple.

I was fairly blessed in that I have had a best friend. They felt like a sister to me and- like you described- it was effortless. That, I suppose it when you know you've struck gold.

I think there needs to be a mutual need there for one- of the same intensity. If those needs are or, start being fulfilled by other people, the friendship can start to drift.

That's what happened in my case. A few moves from both of us and them now having their own family. We went from being more or less family to being in touch maybe once a year.

I think sadness at the loss of that plus, a bunch of other friendships- due to people aging and dying taught me it wasn't worth the risk- if I'm honest. I'm still grareful they happened but, it's safer to be ok on your own I've found. But then, I'm probably weird. I don't think I'm exactly normal for not wanting to be around people- even friends now.

Friendships also take a great deal of effort to both establish and maintain. I suppose it's almost a balance as I see it. Either we decide we are too tired, too socially anxious, too fearful of failure or rejection to try or- we take that risk and put in that enormous effort.

It's absolutely not for me because I am actually content alone but, I have admired other people for doing it. Eventually after my Mum had died, my Dad joined a sports club after work some weekday evenings. He said he'd be exhausted- after the work day and a few hours commute but, he'd still push himself to do it.

Fitness is something I'm going to need to address simply to make living easier soon. But- maybe that's something to work on. I don't know how healthy you feel but, I tended to find exercise weirdly gave me more energy. Maybe it would make you feel more able to do stuff after work.

I suppose, I just feel when people say they want and need something so badly, it makes sense to go all in to try and achieve it. Even if failure is possible. Because not trying at all will almost definitely result in nothing changing. I was willing to do that with my career- even though it was incredibly hard at times and, it did pay off to some extent at least.

I tend to think having a mutual interest is important. All of my closest friendships have been because of that. Are there things you've considered joining?