Discussion Life Partner

[Plankter]

*Completely ok to break up when I'm bored
*Definitely not going to break up unless I want to
*Such people don't exist do they ?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Kind, attractive, honest. If she's cute and mostly smiley and sort of dotes on me or even just puts up with me then that's generally enough. I'm fairly simple at the end of the day.

I will say though that I believe lack of validation to be a major contributor to male suicide. We just don't ever really get compliments, attention or even acknowledgment. I do think if we're going to have a more equal society, then we should at some point start encouraging more assertiveness from women on a social level. In the words of Chris Rock, if you see a homeless guy with a dog, you feel bad for the dog.

Having said that, it's possible to overthink this whole relationship thing. Most of mine started through going to the bars or just forcing myself out there. It's mainly about putting yourself in the right situations repeatedly rather than being super desirable.

 

[NumbItAll]

Attractiveness (wish it didn't matter but unfortunately it does), honesty, and cool personality. Not that it matters since I can't even make a real life friend, let alone a romantic partner. I'm also having trouble seeing what's so appealing about a relationship anyway. I used to be a hopeless romantic but now I'm too cynical and it just looks like a big, expensive commitment with a high probability of someone getting hurt eventually. I know good outcomes are possible but it's not realistic for me. :/

 

[mattwitt]

I think it actually works something like this...

 

[JustAboutDone]

I will say though that I believe lack of validation to be a major contributor to male suicide. We just don't ever really get compliments, attention or even acknowledgment.

That's really sad :-( are women really like that? that they don't say nice things to men because they are men or because they think they don't need to?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

That's really sad :-( are women really like that? that they don't say nice things to men because they are men or because they think they don't need to?

I do think there's something a little off when I look back and realize I've had to chase down every relationship I've been in. Always making the moves and doing all the running - that's what, ten, twelve times in a row? I will say that perhaps my experience isn't typical, and I do think men in general do a bad job of making themselves likable and approachable to women. And guys can be creepy, lecherous or downright dangerous, I get it. But with the rise of feminism and people encouraging women to be more assertive in areas like the workplace (which I totally encourage too) it would be nice to see the social side evolve with it.

An everyday compliment is definitely a rare thing, but that could be my fault too. I mean, if there isn't much to work with then the buck stops there. I also don't have nearly as much social contact as I used to.

 

[WayOut]

Why do men never want a woman who's a bit dim :-(

I am so not going to comment on pet mice. I will not. (Because I will start laughing again.)

And, no, you're not dim and you know it. You're smart, intellectually and emotionally. Both are important.

 

[iHeartRockArt]

Well I'm going to break the rules and post 4 qualities I think the ideal partner should have.

1. Honesty- without honesty what is there? Who wants someone that's going to lie and betray them? Not me. Been there too many times, given too many chances. And I refuse to deal with dishonesty any longer.

2. Communication- communication in a relationship is top priority for me. You have to be able to communicate with each other, be open, form a bond and always talk about things, work through disagreements, and allow each other to express yourselves.

3. Acceptance- you must recognize the other person for who they are. Be attentive to the circumstances of your relationship moment by moment. To have no hidden agendas, nor try to change the other person just because you don't agree or accept them for the person that they are.

4. Understanding- Everyone has ups and downs, trials and tribulations. These times are when you need your partner the most, to lean on, to just "get it." Regardless of what you're going through, your physical appearance and abilities, or the mental/emotional state you may be in at any given moment, understanding the way you are most times means the world to someone. It can be life changing, and in some cases, mean life or death.

 

[Eren]

Empathy
Honesty/sincerity
Affectionate

Although I do not think I'm ready to have a partner, I'm quite immature and unstable.

 

[akita]

Compassion, loyalty, not much else... I just want someone to love me for me and to love them for them.

 

[Eren]

Compassion, loyalty, not much else... I just want someone to love me for me and to love them for them.

Yes, loyalty is also very important, today there are not many people with that quality.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I am so not going to comment on pet mice. I will not. (Because I will start laughing again.)

And, no, you're not dim and you know it. You're smart, intellectually and emotionally. Both are important.

I keep laughing about pet mice... Spontaneously bursting into random giggles and wanting to hit myself hard over the head with a spade :-)

 

[WayOut]

With a partner you can have different likes. You can also appreciate the different qualities you both have, and you can navigate positive expectations. For me, I need to respect intelligence, compassion, humor, etc, etc.

In my experience, though, the things that bind couples most are shared things that they hate. Some of the things I hate are:

George Pell, cunt
Televangelists (US) ripping off the poor, flying around in their Lear jets.
Religious delusional thinking more generally.
Political alt right socially accepted hate thought and actions
Political centre cop outs
Pretentious fucks
Misogynistic cunts
Bully cunts
Anyone on this forum that picks on people like DeafsnOw, Willow etc.
All other dickheads and cunts, too many in society to mention.

A partner must share contempt for these types. That's the non negotiable starting point.

Discovering wonderful likes in common is lovely, but they don't have to match. These things are additives. I want to share things my partner likes that maybe I haven't yet discovered yet. But more than this, I would just want to know my partner, and know what this person despises as well as loves.

 

[Aesthler]

Somebody who isn't afraid to be themselves amongst a world of social media clones
Somebody who is empathetic
Somebody who is patient

 

[Aesthler]

That's not true, @Aesthler likes me well enough ;]

I luff you <3

 

[TheCrow]

Well I'm going to break the rules and post 4 qualities I think the ideal partner should have.

1. Honesty- without honesty what is there? Who wants someone that's going to lie and betray them? Not me. Been there too many times, given too many chances. And I refuse to deal with dishonesty any longer.

2. Communication- communication in a relationship is top priority for me. You have to be able to communicate with each other, be open, form a bond and always talk about things, work through disagreements, and allow each other to express yourselves.

3. Acceptance- you must recognize the other person for who they are. Be attentive to the circumstances of your relationship moment by moment. To have no hidden agendas, nor try to change the other person just because you don't agree or accept them for the person that they are.

4. Understanding- Everyone has ups and downs, trials and tribulations. These times are when you need your partner the most, to lean on, to just "get it." Regardless of what you're going through, your physical appearance and abilities, or the mental/emotional state you may be in at any given moment, understanding the way you are most times means the world to someone. It can be life changing, and in some cases, mean life or death.

So good. So true.

 

[odette]

1) Stimulates me intellectually
2) Does as much emotional labour for me as I do for him

Don't need a third one. Getting those two together would be striking gold.

 

[netrezven]

1. really smart, so i can trust her
2. 10/10 sexual attraction
3. we share goals, want the same from life (in most cases)

 

[Firecaste]

2) Must have your own interests, so be independent - I don't like being followed round all day :-)

What if your butt is very interesting? xD

 

[JustAboutDone]

What if your butt is very interesting? xD

Nope :-) Refer you back to point 2) you must have YOUR OWN interests!

 

[Firecaste]

Sorry, Couldn't resist ^^

 

[Pointlessabyss]

Intellectual - need someone I can engage in conversations with not just gossip about people and their issues as I generally am not interested.

Independent - I like my own space Gym, football etc. On certain nights so they can do their own thing to.

Honest / Open - I tend to be very open without realising it. So if they can't tell me everything within reason then it won't work.

Naturally I think everyone is first attracted on looks but when you get to know people you can't base a relationship on it. Naturally you need a physical attraction or you just become friends.

I'm in the boat with most males but not because of the reason you've stated but due to I know the state my heads in isn't healthy for me let alone someone else.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Somebody who isn't afraid to be themselves amongst a world of social media clones
Somebody who is empathetic
Somebody who is patient

I'm thinking there is a young lady on this forum who embodies all those things and way more Plus she has a heavenly soulful dog :-)

 

[Eren]

Could you avoid CTB if you found the right person?

 

[DontFearTheReaper]

Emotional high IQ aspie as mentally and probably physically fucked up as I am. Shy is cute. And crazy. And then beeing picked up by an angel and thrown into my house. Instead of hermitting and not believing anyone wants him. I have always been attracted to the really weird guys. But those seem to give up on dating the fastest. They are paranoid and waiting in their homes, hating humanity, or beeing really sad about it. Or both.

 

[Made4TV]

Honesty
Humor
Intelligence

 

[Batstern]

It's hard to narrow it down to three things I guess, but if I'm being broad and honest with myself they'd probably have to be:
1) Intelligence. So they'd be interested in science and maths etc.
2) Someone empathetic. As I'm not very good at that, but I know that I appreciate and tend to get on well with people who are.
3) Be 'Alternative'. I'd want someone who listens to metal, is kinky, has an out there style. It's a relatively decent part of me so it'd be nice to share that.

Finding a girl like this wouldn't stop me from ctb (I'm new here, but I'm guessing that means cross the barrier), but instead I'd hopefully be able to find someone who I can connect deeply with, before we ctb together. So I guess that's a 4th trait then really.

I couldn't Imagine anything more perfect.

 

[15dec]

Someone who's honest, understanding and loyal

 

[bunny]

1. my ex-boyfriend
2. just kidding, i don't deserve hm
3. or anyone for that matter

 

[Exile]

This describes my taste perfectly:

https://genius.com/Julie-brown-i-like-em-big-and-stupid-lyrics