knowing i’ll ctb helps to regulate my emotions

[comeoutandhauntme]

maybe this is common, idk lol. but whenever something starts to make me feel an overly strong emotion, like i get super angry or super sad or wtv, all i do is remind myself ill be ctb soon and it genuinely helps to calm me down and be levelheaded. it's like "oh yeah, this is super insignificant and literally doesn't matter, i'll be dead in a few months" LOL. just thought it was funny and wanted to share

 

[dragon.//]

Same, its freeing to feel like your actions have no consequences in a way

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I think you can get addicted to suicidal ideation. It DOES produce calm. My hanging "attempts" where I won't step off the chair produce calm.

If you're not serious, you can end up in a much worse state relying on ideation. Going through with it is another story.

Sincerely,

A guy in the parking lot of a sporting goods store too afraid to go in and buy a gun (for the second straight day).

EDIT: COURAGE UPDATE - I went into Wal*Mart and looked at the buckshot. It made me shiver. Thinking of those lead balls ripping my brain apart. Well, I'm that much more desensitized, I guess. Progress!

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

Same, its freeing to feel like your actions have no consequences in a way

yes exactly this. and on the opposite end of the spectrum it's almost made me have less fear and embrace the rest of my life a little bit more. like "eh, why not do this while i still can?" my fear of getting embarrassed or intruding on others has significantly decreased. sucked that it took me knowing ill die to get me there tho

 

[jengablocks]

thats actually sort of what keeps me going , the idea that i have an escape at any time. like the Horrors wont follow me to the grave and that makes them manageable in the moment