Venting Just venting again

[heirofvoid]

I'm just feeling down a lot lately due to stressing myself out and just overthinking. I might be financially struggling soon because of my stupid mistakes from last year. I'm considering getting a part time job so I can cover my tuition fee and other stuff I need for school but my schedule this sem is so packed. I have to go to school for 6 days a week. I have no idea why the schedule is suddenly like this, we only get one day of break now. That day off would probably be spent on working on assignments or just studying. If I work I feel like my body will totally give up. I've already gotten worse because of my previous job which led me to resign and continue my studies. I'm considering taking up art commissions again but I've had the worst drive since last year, I'm so frustrated with my art lately that I dread holding the pen/stylus or just looking at a blank canvas.

This stressed me out so much that I went back to self-isolating again. I ghosted a friend AGAIN. I don't do self-harm nor have any vices (I'm too scared to hurt my body or get drunk) so I just deactivate my socials until no one can reach me. I do live with my family but we don't really talk unless needed. This month just sucks. I know it's my fault for spending my savings so much last year but I was just so stressed from suddenly being thrown back to college in a drop of a hat because my family was pissed that I resigned from work without letting them know. It was so stressful for me that I had to reward myself somehow so I end up doing retail therapy. No one really motivates me or tells me I did a good job so I did that for myself. It sucks that I felt like that was the only way to reward myself because my family really couldn't really care less about what I do as long as my grades at the end of the sem are good.

I just feel so bad right now. I'm so overwhelmed and stressed that I end up just sleeping all day. There's 2 weeks left before the sem starts and I want to make the most of it but god my motivation is non-existent. I'm confident enough that I can move again when sem starts because I always live in fear of my family but that means I'm just focusing on studies and don't really have the time for myself.

Well, I don't know how else to finish this off. I'm just really tired.

 

[hoppybunny]

I feel you with the grades and retail therapy. My bank is always empty cause I buy things for the rush.

The fact that you pay for your tuition by yourself is really cool and I think you should be proud of yourself for that. It really sucks that you feel the only way to reward yourself is by spending money but I don't think you did anything wrong since it's your money.

If you really need money then maybe you can try returning some of the stuff. Cause your schedule sounds super packed and I personally would die if I had a schedule like that.

Good luck. I hope you're less harsh on yourself. You work really hard and you deserve nice things.