Venting Just had one of the happiest times of my life and I already want to cut myself again

[blank_slab]

I know not many people will want to read this but here I go.
I just had one of the happiest times of my life I just finished my last performance before summer and I had an amazing time but immediately once I'm alone again I feel the overwelming urge to cut wrist again I don't know why I have to be like this where I need someone to keep me company so I won't try to hurt myself but obviously that isn't possible I hate this I just wish I didn't have to deal with these stupid emotions that no one else but me sees (sorry for the ranting)

 

[Lynx.]

It's the same for me.

Usually, when I'm around people, I can manage my intrusive thoughts and have a bit of a better time. Once I'm alone, the mask falls off and everything feels so exhausting and burdening. I used to cope by cutting myself - nowadays I don't, although I think about it quite often.

Some people have expressed in the past that "I seem like someone who knows how to spend time alone".
I find it quite funny, since I don't know how to, at all. But I also don't know much about how to be around people without it being exhausting at some point too. And even if I knew, sometimes I would be alone again so it wouldn't change much...

Sorry for the rambling. Point is - I understand how you feel. And it sucks.

Many hugs to you.

 

[Not.Flugel]

Can relate, usually as long as I am not alone I can function somewhat normally.
I can't fathom how people want to spend time alone, I just hate it so much. My longest clean streak ever was like 2 weeks tops and that's only because I went back home to my parents and I can't cut there. But I feel you, cutting is really addictive so :/

 

[never mind me]

I feel you. I've just cut myself for the 2nd time in 2 days and there's not even any real serious trouble in my life right now. Like you I usually feel bad when I have nothing to do and noone around me to distract me. Unfortunately I don't know one is supposed to get over this.

 

[noonipie]

i feel like the urge intensifies when we're coming down from a high of being happy maybe it's just because we're not used to such extremely happiness? almost like we try to ruin it again? idk im not sure myself but i can relate to this

 

[Musti]

Very recognizable, I'm sorry for you

Loneliness is a bitch and I'm tired of it, hope I can get enough strenght here to go through with some kind of way to end my life, does anyone have some advice?