juneisdoomed
paranoia is a disease unto itself
- Mar 23, 2026
- 11
a feeling of impending doom has been looming over me all day. i feel like nothing is real and i keep wanting to do something drastic to myself.
i went outside with a hunting knife and starting stabbing and tearing and punching at the ground like a fucking maniac. i let out noises that i never thought i would make. i kept punching and punching until my knuckles started to bleed and i felt a slight pain in both of my hands as i stood up. as i'm writing this, my right wrist is starting to feel uncomfortably sore.
my knife is broken; the blade snapped backward.
i feel weirdly euphoric after all this. during my outburst, one of my dogs came up to me and nuzzled my shoulder. i just wrapped my arms around him and sobbed for a few seconds before shooing him away and continuing my fit like nothing happened. it was a nice moment of clarity.
i feel weird. i never let my anger out. i can count on one hand the amount of times i've full-force punched something out of anger. i'm not a violent person. i feel like a wild fucking animal.
i went outside with a hunting knife and starting stabbing and tearing and punching at the ground like a fucking maniac. i let out noises that i never thought i would make. i kept punching and punching until my knuckles started to bleed and i felt a slight pain in both of my hands as i stood up. as i'm writing this, my right wrist is starting to feel uncomfortably sore.
my knife is broken; the blade snapped backward.
i feel weirdly euphoric after all this. during my outburst, one of my dogs came up to me and nuzzled my shoulder. i just wrapped my arms around him and sobbed for a few seconds before shooing him away and continuing my fit like nothing happened. it was a nice moment of clarity.
i feel weird. i never let my anger out. i can count on one hand the amount of times i've full-force punched something out of anger. i'm not a violent person. i feel like a wild fucking animal.
