ThinHopes
Spes Lenta Moritur
- Jan 12, 2026
- 2
When I was around 8-12 years old, my parents decided to enroll me in a football (soccer) school. Football is extremely traditional in the country I live in, but I was never good at it and didn't enjoy it at the time.
One day, during a group exercise, I missed a pass. There was a rule that if you missed, you had to do a specific type of punishment exercise. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and that triggered my first panic attack. An adult noticed and took me somewhere out of sight of the others, where they comforted me until I calmed down.
What truly stayed with me happened afterward. When I told my mother about the incident, she dismissed it by saying that I was "too young to suffer from that" or something along that line. From that point on, I stopped opening up to my parents, and later to anyone, about what was bothering me. This includes health-related issues.
Recently, I've managed to open up to a few people, but I always end up distancing myself from them a few days after. I guess I'm destined to be lonely, despite wishing for connection deep down.
One day, during a group exercise, I missed a pass. There was a rule that if you missed, you had to do a specific type of punishment exercise. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and that triggered my first panic attack. An adult noticed and took me somewhere out of sight of the others, where they comforted me until I calmed down.
What truly stayed with me happened afterward. When I told my mother about the incident, she dismissed it by saying that I was "too young to suffer from that" or something along that line. From that point on, I stopped opening up to my parents, and later to anyone, about what was bothering me. This includes health-related issues.
Recently, I've managed to open up to a few people, but I always end up distancing myself from them a few days after. I guess I'm destined to be lonely, despite wishing for connection deep down.
