Hi everyone.
So, I'm currently in a psy clinic and I just know I can't get better. I've been into mental hospitals and clinics over and over for 12 years now. I can't bear it anymore. I can't try to heal myself again and again and again. I will never have a "normal" life, I'm way too sick and traumatized. This has to stop and it won't stop unless I CTB. So I need to CTB. Quickly.
Being in a clinic, I only have two options : partial hanging or jumping.
Partial hanging : I've read a lot about it but I'm still scared to fuck it up and be a vegetable. I don't understand how to position my feet to be sure they won't lift me up. Also, seems I can't find my sweet spot. I've read the thread but I feel like it's way more difficult than it appears to be.
Jumping : I visualised it over and over in my head and I am really not sure I could do it. Everyday I'm thinking about taking a taxi to go to that bridge and everyday I'm not taking that taxi, telling myself "okay, I'll do it tomorrow" (I really don't want to take that taxi, not being able to jump and then go back to the clinic as a piece of shit).
So if you have any advices (like on how to position my feet with partial hanging or how to overcome the fear of jumping) it would be so great.
I hope my English is understandable. Thanks in advance.
So, I'm currently in a psy clinic and I just know I can't get better. I've been into mental hospitals and clinics over and over for 12 years now. I can't bear it anymore. I can't try to heal myself again and again and again. I will never have a "normal" life, I'm way too sick and traumatized. This has to stop and it won't stop unless I CTB. So I need to CTB. Quickly.
Being in a clinic, I only have two options : partial hanging or jumping.
Partial hanging : I've read a lot about it but I'm still scared to fuck it up and be a vegetable. I don't understand how to position my feet to be sure they won't lift me up. Also, seems I can't find my sweet spot. I've read the thread but I feel like it's way more difficult than it appears to be.
Jumping : I visualised it over and over in my head and I am really not sure I could do it. Everyday I'm thinking about taking a taxi to go to that bridge and everyday I'm not taking that taxi, telling myself "okay, I'll do it tomorrow" (I really don't want to take that taxi, not being able to jump and then go back to the clinic as a piece of shit).
So if you have any advices (like on how to position my feet with partial hanging or how to overcome the fear of jumping) it would be so great.
I hope my English is understandable. Thanks in advance.
