hoppybunny
Fearer of the Future
- Jun 26, 2024
- 277
I don't even know what to say. It's been six months and i still haven't gotten a job. I know it's mostly my fault cause I don't have any decent projects as a comp sci graduate. Just 2 shitty websites. I'm working on making two new onces but I genuinely do not have the passion or energy to make anything. Like I barely do anything but lie in bed all day. i'm tired all the time and nothing feels worth it.
i know that i need to get up and do something to make a difference but i just can't bring myself to do it.
But the reason why i've been getting more and more depressed is because i thought that even if I can't get a comp sci job, i would be able to get a different job while i worked on my project. but all i've been able to do is get a crossing guard job that i had to quit because it was so cold everytime and mentally draining.
i'm trying to find a new job right now but i didn't anticipate that i would be rejected from simple jobs too. I literally am getting rejected from everything. And anytime i talk about it people (my parents mostly) treat me like i'm mentally incompetent and don't know how to search for a job.
Have you tried data entry. that's not a real fucking job. What about qa tester, or help desk, or it support. Yes i've tried everything no one wants to fucking hire me.
Literally i got rejected from a program literally for people that can't get hired cause my resume wasn't good enough. like wtf?!? they said it was too competitive and they took someone who's experience aligned better. LIKE?!?!?! is this not for people with no experience.
and my parents keep saying if you want to start a business or do anything we'll support you or give you money. when they can't go 2 seconds without yelling at me about how much they spent and sacrificed for me. like even if i had the motivation or energy to start a business i would soon rather take a bank loan than accept money from them.
my mum even told me i should try teaching art classes knowing full well i don't draw anymore. which is all their fault. i've gotten yelled at over an over again for wasting time drawing instead of studying and focusing on school because school is the most important thing. and now i've finished school and don't have a job all of a sudden the hobby i had that they called useless, and blamed for every bad grade i had is what they're convincing me to start a business with.
i'm so sick of this. and i'm so sick of being around them. I'm tired of part time jobs that pay pennies. i just want a full time job so i can move out already.
i hate how unenergetic i am. and i hate that i'm too much of a pussy to kill myself.
like it's so annoying. i'm too mentally ill to function like a normal person but obviously not ill enough to die. SO my only choice is to recover and live like a person. but nothing is appealing right now. when i think about working and paying bills so i can afford to work and pay the bills i just get so depressed.
Nothing i do feels appealing anymore. watching movies and tv shows feel like work so i've stopped doing them. playing games is too much work. even deadscrolling is becoming too much of a hassle. like tomorrrow my sister wants me to come over to her place and watch something with her and like i legitemately have no interest in doing that. i told her to do it without me and she got mad at me. It's like genuinely no one in my family understands that i just need something that will convince me hell is not real before i blow my fucking head open.
like no one in my family genuinely understands how much this job search has broken me down. everytime i go to bed i'm genuinely hoping to die in my sleep. My parents keep asking me stupid questions like have i asked my neighbour if his airline is hiring. how tf would my neighbour who is a pilot, know if the it department is hiring? like what?!?!
they're so out of touch. and my mum is sending me stupid youtube videos talking about the economy and how we just might be in a recession and how no one is hiring. LIke no shit i fucking no that i'm literally in the job market right now. like that means this whole time, they thought i was just fucking around and I wasn't trying hard enough to find a job. that's why she's sending me useless fucking videos filled with shit i already know like it's supoosed to help me.
i don't even know what i'm complaining about anymore. i'm just really tired of being unemployed.
i know that i need to get up and do something to make a difference but i just can't bring myself to do it.
But the reason why i've been getting more and more depressed is because i thought that even if I can't get a comp sci job, i would be able to get a different job while i worked on my project. but all i've been able to do is get a crossing guard job that i had to quit because it was so cold everytime and mentally draining.
i'm trying to find a new job right now but i didn't anticipate that i would be rejected from simple jobs too. I literally am getting rejected from everything. And anytime i talk about it people (my parents mostly) treat me like i'm mentally incompetent and don't know how to search for a job.
Have you tried data entry. that's not a real fucking job. What about qa tester, or help desk, or it support. Yes i've tried everything no one wants to fucking hire me.
Literally i got rejected from a program literally for people that can't get hired cause my resume wasn't good enough. like wtf?!? they said it was too competitive and they took someone who's experience aligned better. LIKE?!?!?! is this not for people with no experience.
and my parents keep saying if you want to start a business or do anything we'll support you or give you money. when they can't go 2 seconds without yelling at me about how much they spent and sacrificed for me. like even if i had the motivation or energy to start a business i would soon rather take a bank loan than accept money from them.
my mum even told me i should try teaching art classes knowing full well i don't draw anymore. which is all their fault. i've gotten yelled at over an over again for wasting time drawing instead of studying and focusing on school because school is the most important thing. and now i've finished school and don't have a job all of a sudden the hobby i had that they called useless, and blamed for every bad grade i had is what they're convincing me to start a business with.
i'm so sick of this. and i'm so sick of being around them. I'm tired of part time jobs that pay pennies. i just want a full time job so i can move out already.
i hate how unenergetic i am. and i hate that i'm too much of a pussy to kill myself.
like it's so annoying. i'm too mentally ill to function like a normal person but obviously not ill enough to die. SO my only choice is to recover and live like a person. but nothing is appealing right now. when i think about working and paying bills so i can afford to work and pay the bills i just get so depressed.
Nothing i do feels appealing anymore. watching movies and tv shows feel like work so i've stopped doing them. playing games is too much work. even deadscrolling is becoming too much of a hassle. like tomorrrow my sister wants me to come over to her place and watch something with her and like i legitemately have no interest in doing that. i told her to do it without me and she got mad at me. It's like genuinely no one in my family understands that i just need something that will convince me hell is not real before i blow my fucking head open.
like no one in my family genuinely understands how much this job search has broken me down. everytime i go to bed i'm genuinely hoping to die in my sleep. My parents keep asking me stupid questions like have i asked my neighbour if his airline is hiring. how tf would my neighbour who is a pilot, know if the it department is hiring? like what?!?!
they're so out of touch. and my mum is sending me stupid youtube videos talking about the economy and how we just might be in a recession and how no one is hiring. LIke no shit i fucking no that i'm literally in the job market right now. like that means this whole time, they thought i was just fucking around and I wasn't trying hard enough to find a job. that's why she's sending me useless fucking videos filled with shit i already know like it's supoosed to help me.
i don't even know what i'm complaining about anymore. i'm just really tired of being unemployed.